StLSass

Posts Tagged ‘writing

Last night I went to a comedy show. It was the first show I’ve really been to since I made the announcement that I was quitting comedy. It was weird. I felt like an outsider. I felt like I was in a room full of people who I know and have spent a lot of time with over the years, and maybe it was me, but I just felt like I didn’t belong. It didn’t help that an ex boyfriend of mine was there, along with another close guy friend who I had a big falling out with a few months ago as well. As I went to leave, I looked around, and it really hit me, I felt like I didn’t belong because I was in a room full of people that I had more or less pushed out of my life.

I went home and I couldn’t get that thought out of my mind. I took a bath and tried to really think about that feeling and my own contribution to it all. What came up for me was this strong sense of never really feeling like I belong, anywhere. When I was a kid, I moved around a lot, always switching schools; I was always the new kid, always an outsider. Being a child of divorced parents never really helped that feeling either. The closest person I had growing up was my sister, and in my twenties she developed mental health problems, and shut me out, so over the years I have shut myself off from her as well.

The more I thought about having this feeling that I never really belong anywhere, I realized that because of that, I subconsciously have continuously attracted or created situations that trigger my abandonment issues. When you feel like an outsider in your mind, you never really let people in. I think the past few years I have worked hard on letting people in, and I do feel like I have made some progress there. However, that has also created an issue, where when I do let people in, and I end up getting hurt, I strike back with a fury of vengeance to just completely destroy the entire relationship. Which just furthers the situations of abandonment.

One of my other biggest issues is one of judgement. I don’t like to admit it, but I am a very judgmental person. I don’t mean that in a way that I am constantly looking down on people either, its more that I categorize them. It is why I make a good recruiter. I am good at seeing people very clearly for who they are, and accurately assessing if they would be a good fit for a job or not. When you are always judging and categorizing people though, it tends to shut you off from seeing what they might actually be capable of. Leaving room for people to surprise you with who they are, is important.

What I began to see last night, is that because I have always felt like I don’t belong, I judge myself the hardest. Recently I found myself in a relationship with someone who was a lot like me. We were alike in many ways, but in particular we both were dealing with abandonment issues, and we both were rather judgmental. Because we were so similar, I found myself constantly berating and judging him for his shortcomings. They were my shortcomings as well, and I absolutely couldn’t stop myself from just tearing him apart over some things. It wasn’t healthy, and ultimately it wasn’t sustainable. What it made me realize though is that internally, I am berating myself on a constant basis, just as harshly as I was doing to him.

I judge myself for not being perfect, and when people get close enough to me, I push them away so they can’t see my true and imperfect self. I have been living this pattern my whole life, and that is why I have always felt like this outsider… because I have made myself one.

I woke up this morning to the news that a friend of mine had passed away. This friend had lived a challenging life, and struggled for a long time with an alcohol addiction. Despite his best attempts, I think he too, just always felt alone, like an outsider who didn’t belong anywhere. Hearing that news really shook me.

In processing all of this, I don’t know what exactly the right thing to do is. However, I know that I have to change. I know that I don’t want to be an outsider anymore. I want to be present with people. I want to not judge them and only see them as a certain category that I have put them in, I want to be open to the fact that they might surprise me if I let them. I want to find myself in a room of people I know and be able to smile at all the joy we’ve shared between us. I want to be an inviting and welcoming spirit who people seek out for insight and guidance. I am quirky, weird, and a bit out there, but I see now that doesn’t mean that I don’t belong. That means that I need to be my truest, weirdest self, and attract my quirky, out there tribe of people to me. I think my mistake has always been that in feeling like the outsider, I didn’t realize it was because my soul came here to create a new tribe with a new vibe. It’s not on me to seek out those people, but rather to be me to my fullest, without judging myself, and to know that those that are meant to be in my life will find me when I do just that.

So that’s what I’m working on. I think I’ve been working on that for awhile but now I really see it. I see that loving and accepting myself completely is my only real option for happiness in this life.

So, fair warning… if you thought I was weird before… you ain’t seen nothing yet. :p

Hug your loved ones close today. Be present with people. It’s been a rough few weeks of energy for a lot of us, and you never know what someone else is really going through unless you listen, share, and truly connect. The world needs more real connections right now more than ever.

With love and light,

Christine

Advertisements

I haven’t written in quite sometime, and I feel like I have been avoiding myself by doing so. Writing is a lot of times my mirror. It’s how I look at my thoughts and my feelings and can try to make sense of them. Today I find myself more lost in my thoughts and emotions than I have all year.

On one hand, I am creating a business and a life that is truly helping people. When I am on the phone coaching clients, or doing clarity sessions with astrology, I am helping people come to major realizations and understandings about themselves, and it is the most incredible experience in the world. I know that I have the ability to inspire people through my own life stories, and I am working on several speeches and talks that I want to give as well. These things bring me so much joy to think about, and I know that I am on the right track in what I am doing, and that my professional future is very bright.

On the other hand… my personal life, specifically my relationships, are not doing so well. As a sexual abuse survivor, relationships come with a lot of hurdles for me to overcome within myself. I have trust issues. I have low self esteem, which leads to insecurity issues. I grew up always creating chaos around me in order to push people away from me; and now as an adult no matter how hard I try, the chaos still manages to find its way in. I have this ingrained belief that if I let people get close to me, I will get hurt, and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to shake that.

These are all challenges that I have been working on in therapy for years, but yet they are still there. They resurface any time I try to have a relationship with someone. They are the reason I would rather be alone at times then try to work at relationship.

At the end of the day though, we all crave the ability to relate to other people, and that is because relationships are a necessity for us to learn and grow. I guess that’s what is driving my passion for my business. It is how I’ve found a way to relate to people in a positive way for right now.

One of the unexpected benefits of coaching that I have found, is that I tend to attract people to me who are going through challenges that are similar to my own. I think that is the Universe’s way of helping me to help myself. It’s hard to spend an hour telling someone about all the positive ways they can impact their own life, and then sit back and look at myself, who has all the same issues, and not feel compelled to take my own advice.

As I write this, I am preparing for a call with a client, and I am already feeling slightly better and inspired by her. I have a pre-session form with a number of questions, and one in particular asks “How will you move yourself forward in the week following our call?”  I love her answer:

  1. Be mindful of everything I do.
  2. If I do something that goes against my thinking I will acknowledge it and let myself know that I am doing the best I can
  3. I will love myself and tell myself daily
  4. Get good rest
  5. Fill myself with nutrition
  6. Hydrate
  7. Move, stay active

Those are all things I think I could really use some focus on in my own life right now. Whenever life gets overwhelming, it’s always best to go back to the basics and make sure you are making self care a priority.

We are going through some powerful transformation energy right now, that is highlighting our own behaviors that need some changing right now. Changing deeply rooted thoughts and behaviors is not easy, and it doesn’t happen over night. It is important to remember to be gentle on yourself and those around you as we work through these growing pains.

I know as I continue to work on myself, and continue to work with others in positive ways, slowly I will find better ways of relating in my personal life as well.

Positive, and patient thoughts are the prescription for this week.

Thanks for reading lovelies, I’ll be back to posting more regularly going forward. For my own sanity. 🙂

With love and light,

Christine

The mind is a fascinating place. It can create a world and a life that is heaven on earth, just as quickly as it can trap you in the depths of its mental despair. The differentiator? I’m not sure anyone is really sure. The value we place on our own sanity perhaps? The strength of our spirit to overcome the mind? Genetics? All of the above?

Coming from a family with deep mental health issues, I am no stranger to the dark side of the mind. I have a sister that lost her mind, I suspect, to due guilt and grief after she was involved in a tragic accident that resulted in the death of her best friend. As far as doctors can diagnose, they have labeled her as schizophrenic, but I’m not totally sold on that. My sister was incredibly smart, and sharp minded, and after the accident, she just seemed to check out of life. She couldn’t face her pain, and the guilt that she felt. Slowly, over the years, I believe those emotions have manifested as all kinds of mental ghosts in her mind that are always haunting her.

When you’re in the middle of it, and the terrible pain around you seems so real, how does one overcome those demons?

That is a question I have spent the past few years trying to find the answer to. My verdict? Love conquers all.

Throughout my life, I too have wrestled with my own emotional/mental health demons.

Three years ago I started doing stand up comedy. I was not great by any means, but my raw vulnerability had a way of connecting with the crowd that was I think just very real to people. It was exhilarating, and when I went on stage it was a rush like I had never felt before.

Somewhere around the end of my first year of doing stand up… I lost my ability to be vulnerable. I had gotten into a relationship, and slowly, I lost my confidence and started becoming very insecure about everything.

At the time, I knew something was going on. I knew I was losing myself, but I had no idea why or how to stop it. Sure enough, as the months went on, I subtlety became someone different. Someone that was not quite the Christine that I once was. I looked the same. To the unknowing person, I probably seemed the same, but to those who loved me… to the man I was in love with… I wasn’t the same person anymore… I was a slightly less version of the me that we both knew was possible. A slightly dimmed down version of my amazing self.

At a certain point I left the relationship, because I was so lost. What I knew, but couldn’t quite put into words, was that I wasn’t okay being me any more. I wasn’t comfortable opening up and being real with people. When this all started, it was about three months into my new relationship. Right about the time when one would typically start to open up on a deeper level. Except I had never shared my depths with anyone before. I had never even really looked deep at my depths myself. Perhaps because subconsciously, I knew the demons that lived there… and I was terrified of them.

Instead of facing those demons head on though… I retreated in fear. My best self, my mind, decided it would rather be less, than to have to share my shame with the person I loved the most. My mind, my emotions, told me that he couldn’t possibly love me if he knew the real me, and so without even realizing it… I submitted to those thoughts and locked my best self away for “safe keeping”.

My soul, on the other hand, was not content with this lesser version of me. My soul could not sleep, could not eat, could not function at the thought of living the rest of my life in this place of fear. My soul is what pushed me forward and compelled me to fight the walls of the mental prison which were keeping my beautiful self locked down.

If you have been following my blog for awhile, you might be familiar with some of the demons that I am speaking of. Alcohol abuse, sexual abuse, and one I haven’t quite figured out just yet, but that I’m working on, which is a highly repressed sexuality. The side effects of all of these equaled low self worth, low self esteem, depression, anxiety, insecurity, distorted thinking, grandiose fears, and overall inability to cope with life. Before I confronted and dealt with the sexual abuse, and my repressed sexuality, I was a ticking time bomb of mental anguish. I had successfully masked my pain with drugs and alcohol for most of my adult life, but when I got into a real relationship, and my true self was mirrored back to me (as real love tends to do) there was no hiding from it any more. My soul saw what my mind had been hiding. The broken pieces of me that I always tried to pretend weren’t really there were front and center for my soul to see. At first this was quite frightening. I was frozen a bit in fear.

The hardest part of all of this was that what little self love I had built up for myself throughout the years, was suddenly completely gone. I was so angry with myself. I hated who I was. I hated that I wasn’t strong enough to not let this situation get so out of control. I hated that I had seemingly lost not only myself, but also this person that I loved so much, the first person that ever worked his way into the true depths of my soul. As a perfectionist, the worst thing that could happen was happening. My imperfect self was ruining my chance at a happy life. These were the thoughts my mind convinced me were real.

Slowly, what my soul began to see was that this was my purpose in life. These were the traumas I was given to overcome. Slowly, I stopped being so afraid of these demons, and I began to go to work on myself.

Over the past two years, I have worked my way through the world of jilted emotions and false realities that my mind had created which swallowed up my best self. It was not pretty, it was not easy, it required professional help, a new level of spiritual understanding, and a lot of asking the Universe to please help me figure this thing out, and then learning how to listen and look for the signs that the divine universe was sending.

During the past few years, I knew my stand up wasn’t what it once was. I wasn’t trying. I didn’t have the energy to be funny when all I felt inside was dark. I didn’t put in the effort that it needed, and every time I went up I didn’t get the same rush that I once did.

However, last night I sat down and I started writing. I wrote a new five minutes on my messed up mind. As I was writing, I noticed that I wasn’t holding back. I wasn’t afraid to address the crazy, I was raw, I was real, I was vulnerable. I wasn’t afraid any more. I had conquered my fears, and was finally in a place so good that I could look back and laugh at my crazy fucked up thoughts, rather than cry about them. When I finished writing, I sat there in an overwhelming state of peace and gratefulness; much like Andy Dufrane… I felt like I had tunneled my way through 500 yards of shit, but came out clean on the other side.

I performed my new five at an open mic, and for the first time in a long time… I felt that incredible rush that I used to get. For the first time in a long time… I felt like my best self.

The mind is so incredibly powerful. Whether you believe you can, or you can’t, you are right. Fear is also very powerful. Stronger than fear though, is love. The hope for love is what kept me going the past few years. The knowing that I could never have love until I conquered my fears and faced my depths, is what pushed me forward every day. Because you see, the man that I was dating… I loved him more than I have ever loved any other soul. It was the pure love that I had for him that made me able to see my depths so clearly. Any time my mind tried to make me forget about working on myself, and tried to tell me how everyone else was the problem, not me; that man would come to my mind, my love, and I’d remember the truth, I’d remember my lost self. I’d dig deeper, and I’d continue forging forward through all of the pain. Love was the lighthouse that saved me during the storm.

Life is a constant balance between Love and Fear; heart and mind. There is no easy button to overcoming the pain and the trauma that we each have to go through, that is a battle we each have to figure out for ourselves. The mental strength that is required to do that though… is only found when decide to chose the heart over the mind. Love truly does conquer all.

My advice to anyone going through their pain, and hurt, and suffering right now?

Follow your heart. Find your love. Face your fears. Be your best self. Every. Single. Day.

No matter how long you have to fight for it, keep going. You are worth it.

Much love and light to you all,

– Christine

 

 

 

I have been avoiding writing.

I tell myself I’m not exactly sure why I avoid writing at times, but if I really put some thought into it… I’m sure it’s because I’m avoiding my own thoughts.

They irritate me. I see how irrational they are at times, yet I still let them dictate what I do on a daily basis. Based on their own irrationality. It’s insanity.

It’s an insane world I have been letting myself camp out in for too long now.

We just went through a very cathartic energy transition. One that has been building for the last two years. We are at a point where we are ready to shed that which is no longer working for us. Those ingrained habits of pure insanity that we have been innocuously let rule our minds, are finally starting to be seen for what they are: detrimental to our overall well being and happiness.

My aversion to writing is fueled by my perfectionist thoughts. If I’m not sitting down to write something that is going to change the world, then why am I even writing at all??

Silly insanity. Calm down. You’re writing to relate to people, to connect, to be human, because you want to, WHO CARES WHY, JUST WRITE! Okay. It’s not glamorous, and I’m not saving the world, but OKAY. Soon I start writing everyday, I start connecting with people, I start hearing from people how they appreciate what I wrote on this or that, and then I hear from someone how my post changed their outlook, helped their day, or just made them feel not so alone.

Suddenly, my imperfect writing has created a change in this world. Just like that, I’ve proven my own story that I told myself to be nothing more than fictional disgruntled insanity.

Too often we can get into the habit of telling ourselves stories that’s aren’t real, which then limit and hold us back from our greatest potential. In fact, most of the time there is something great that we should be doing, our ego is really good at convincing us why we can’t actually do it.

My new favorite thing is to listen for the “but” in my mind. Anytime I get an idea that I want to go for, it is usually followed with “but I can’t do it until I do X” or “but it would never work for me” or “BUT I’d be so good at X that then Y would happen and that would be terrible”. Talking myself out of doing something because I know I’ll be successful at it and I am simply not prepared for the after fan fare is one of my personal favorites, because it is SO INSANE.

I recently paid good money for a life coach to help me with my business/writing/life, and honestly… all he has to do is point out where I am inserting my own “but” to get to the meat of where I am limiting myself. My investment in him, is simply an investment into having someone point out my limits, and because I’m now monetarily invested in the success of my own life… I’ve finally stopped giving in to the daily insanity that my mind creates, and instead, started listening. (Money is a great motivator like that sometimes.)

When I listen for what my heart truly desires, I know there is no BUT big enough to stop me from achieving what I truly want. It’s simply a matter of creating a plan and making it happen. The how isn’t that hard, it is the creation of the absolute certainty in your mind that you CAN/WILL make it happen that I think we all get stuck on.

So my advice for today? Listen for your but. Where are you stopping yourself? Where are you limiting yourself? YOU CAN DO ANYTHING! The only thing stopping you is YOU.

Get out there and make it happen!!

– Christine

siestakey2017

I don’t know about you, but for me, August was jam packed with stuff. Work was crazy, my house was busy (Oh, I am renting my house on AirBNB now, check it out!), and there was also no shortage of relationship insights and revelations via the men in my life.

I spent the last week in Florida with my family, enjoying the ocean air and sun, and after such a jam packed month… I spent the week reveling in disconnecting from all my responsibilities and tasks, and let myself enjoy not having to do a damn thing if I didn’t want to. It was great.

However, as the month wraps up, I am back at work this week, back on the mental grind of figuring out where I am steering this ship that is my life, and back at this game of trying to force myself to write.

I believe more than anything what I am taking away from this busy month (which was also jam packed with celestial energy, pushing us all to new heights of self growth revelations), is the gift of being present in each moment. Mentally, I often find myself dwelling in the past, or worrying about the future, yet, this month which so much going on, I was forced to focus on the present moment more than normal, which was good. It was a bit foreign to me though. I didn’t fully embrace the present moment for all that it could have offered. Looking back on several moments, I can see that my relationships and connections may have stood to gain more meaning had I opened myself up in certain situations.

I react instinctively to so many situations, with a set response or reaction, that has just been my go to response for so very long, that I rarely look at each situation in the present moment to recognize the uniqueness of this situation and appreciate it for what it is. Later, as I sit and reflect, I will often see how I missed out in the moment because I didn’t see it for what it truly was. I live in a land of assumptions, which I now see are keeping me from living more fully in the present. So, as this past eclipse brings with it the strong energy of change and the ability to see ourselves and our flaws more clearly, I can now see the impact that living a more present life could have for me… and I am excited to push myself in this area of growth.

For me personally, the eclipse, which was on the 28 degree of Leo, falls into the 8th House in my birth chart. The 8th house rules sexuality, commitments, intimacy, and metamorphosis. What this means, is that for the next 6 months (as we continue to soak in the full effect of the eclipse for 6 months), if I focus on those areas I will be able to see my inherent flaws in these areas with much more clarity, thereby giving me a greater ability to change them. With realizing the effects of my challenges with assumptions and being present, I can already see the potential positive effects that this period of change will bring to my life. Because of this… I do see that I may be more reclusive over the next 6 months. Saving more time for myself, to better understand my challenges in these areas, and also investing more of myself into the interactions that I do have with people… which will end up taking more out of me, and thereby leaving me more selective about whom I spend my time with.

These are the insights that this powerful and busy month has left me with, and if you don’t see me out as much in the next few months, this is why.

It is a very powerful time right now for transformation. Take some time to look at your life, and see how the flaws in your mental thought process may be holding you back. The Universe is conspiring to disseminate radical change right now, within our lives and on a grand scale in our world as well. Step back, see where your beliefs are limiting you, know that you are a being of pure light and love who is capable of doing anything you set your mind to, and know that change, while sometimes hard, is now so very necessary for us all. ❤

Talk soon,

– Christine

 

PS. If you are interested in finding out about how this eclipse affects you personally, I am offering free eclipse insights to the first five readers to respond. Comment on FB, or reach out directly at STLSass1s@gmail.com  ❤

 

Advice

I heard some thing last week that has helped me find the strength that I have needed to find in order to move forward in several areas of my life that have been stagnant lately. It is so simple, and also something I knew, but there is a difference between knowing something and being told some thing is in fact right by a teacher or outside person. Hearing this from a third party was the added confirmation that I needed to take this advice to heart.

The pearl of wisdom I received…

“If you ever feel that there is something that you uncontrollably HAVE to do, or just HAVE to say to someone… that is your sign that you should not say or do that thing.”

I know full well when I shouldn’t contact an ex, or have one more drink, or whatever, HOWEVER, so many times that little voice creeps in my head to convince me of just exactly why I not only should do said thing, but that I HAVE to do it. I’m really great at convincing myself to do things that I previously told myself I would not do because doing said things is actually very unhealthy for me. My ego’s go to convincing argument almost always includes the words, “because you just have to!”, in the most life will be in dire straits if you don’t do it kind of way.

You know what though? I don’t HAVE to do anything. Life will go on, things will progress exactly as they were meant to, and I don’t HAVE to DO anything to make it otherwise.

Over the past week, I have caught myself saying the HAVE TO phrase to myself more times than I care to admit. It has been extremely eye opening AND rewarding forcing myself to look really hard at why I am really trying to convince myself to do something. Any time I get so deep that I am telling myself it’s because I just have to, I’m really grasping for straws at that point as to why I can allow myself to do something that clearly goes against my own greater good.

Humans are funny creatures like that. Our ego’s have a way of convincing us, in the moment, to do things that really only serve the ego, and serve the purpose of holding us back from our true potential. The more we pause, and restrict, the less we live from our naturally reactive state of chaos.

Anyways, that was a great piece of advice that I have implemented this past week, which has already helped me really cut through all the crap I try to tell myself at times, and stick with the higher road for my own good. I hope it can help some of you as well!

Peace and Love,

– Christine

 

 

eab8b4c903e48e23e7aef614ed5a7d37

How was your weekend?

Were you highly emotional and perhaps even overly aggressive towards people?

Did you get any gut feelings this weekend that it was time to make a big change in life?

Time to take a stand??

Time to do that thing that you know you should be doing but that you have been making mental excuses as to why you can’t actually do them???

If you can relate to any of the above, you are not alone. This weekend we had a full moon that was the most powerful full moon we will experience this year. It brought forth feelings and emotions that may have caused us to act out, think really hard, or even become super crazy.

Myself? I went through a gambit of emotions and thoughts over the past few days.

Friday morning, after thinking about some of my fears, I decided to research the Fear of Abandonment, as that was one I hadn’t really looked at directly yet. What I found was an article describing seven things that a person with a fear of abandonment will do in a relationship that can push their partner away. Reading that list, I felt as though I was reading a play by play of my last relationship and how I systematically self imploded the whole thing. I mean, I have known that I self destructed in that relationship, that was very clear. But seeing my behavior pin pointed so directly to classic symptoms of the fear of abandonment… just made me so upset. So upset in fact, that I was overwhelmed with extreme emotion the rest of the day. I even had to close my office door at work because I couldn’t stop bawling my eyes out. I think I was mostly upset because it was very clear to me just how hard my ego is willing to go in order to block me from having love in my life. I saw myself in a new light where I was finally able to recognize that the reason I can’t find love is because the more someone tries to love me, the harder my ego will try to push them away and hurt them. For perhaps the first time ever, I saw just how deeply hurt and broken I truly am… and it devastated me.

I did not wallow in this pain though. I cried it out as I also kept telling myself that it’s okay, now I know, and now that I know I can begin to work on that side of myself more. Then I cried some more, because I know I’m at the beginning of a very long road, and well, I’m impatient and the thought of having to take another 2-3 years before I can be capable of truly loving someone is just highly upsetting to me. The psychic I went to see in February did say I would have four more years of being single though, which at the time I thought that sounded a bit dramatic… however, now I get it.

So after a roller coaster of emotions all day Friday I did what I always do when I need some cheering up. I went to a comedy show. I got some much needed laughter in my life, and Friday night I went to bed feeling relatively okay.

Saturday I woke up feeling pretty good. I went to meet up with some friends for brunch, and as I was waiting for them, my mind started focusing on another problem area in my life: my drinking. My problem with drinking is that I lose all ability to maintain self-control when I am drinking. The more I thought about that, I thought about how I also recently became more aware that I have major control issues in my life. Suddenly I realized that I have been using drinking as an excuse to give up control in life, because I am so controlling normally that I don’t know how else to let go. As it goes with situations in life though, because I have refused to acknowledge this problem it has manifested as a bigger and bigger problem in my life, to the point to where now if I even take one sip of alcohol, I automatically give myself permission to go balls to the wall out of control and make extremely unhealthy choices for my life. So as I was sitting and assessing this whole situation, I realized that my real problem is with control in my life, and that’s where I need to start focusing some energy to figure myself out. Another great self realization, however, also another problem I can foresee taking years for me to truly figure out…. yaaayyyyyy.

Then last night I had an interesting dream. In this dream I was decorating and setting up a new home, when suddenly a murderer was breaking in and chasing me and my friends through the neighborhood. At one point, he got me pretty good with a stab wound to my side, which was actually pretty painful. However, the pain didn’t keep me down for long, and towards the end of the dream, I had taken to hunting the murderer myself. I actually tracked down his secret lair, and was in the process of trying to figure out his next move so that I could capture him myself, when I woke up. After I woke up, I googled what it means if you are being chased by a murderer in your dreams. What I found is that the theme of being chased by someone in a dream typically represents some aspect or fear within yourself that you are perhaps running from. Given that interpretation, I found a sliver of hope within my murderous dream. Yes, I have a significant fear of abandonment, and severe control issues… they are the painful stab wound to my side. However, I have now found them out, I recognize them, I have found their secret lair and I can now plot my best plan of attack to finally defeat them! I don’t think it was coincidence that I woke up in the fact finding stage either. That is where I am at in life. I am now aware of my issues, and so it is time that I work to gather the facts and make a plan on how I defeat them going forward. There is hope, and it might take some time, but I feel more confident about my path forward than ever before.

This full moon was indeed a powerful one.

I am so grateful that we live in a Universe full of energetic tides preparing us and pushing us towards our best selves at all times. The Universe wants us to succeed. It is constantly presenting us with opportunities and chances to learn and be better.  However, it is up to notice those opportunities and seize them. This is why I am so into astrology, because it gives us some clues as to what type of energy is swirling about in the Universe at any given moment, and also how we can best apply that energy to our own energetic makeup in order to further our own growth and understanding. It is a truly amazing and powerful tool.

If you are interested in any kind of information about astrology and how you can start using this powerful tool in your life, reach out and let me know. I would love to speak with you and see how I can help.

Thanks for reading everyone, HAPPY MONDAY!!

– Christine