StLSass

Posts Tagged ‘universal understanding

2017.

What a year it has been. I’m already getting chills just thinking about this year. <Deep Breath> What a year, indeed.

I started this year by creating a Vision Board to chart out my biggest goals. Goals that at the time were just mere thoughts, ideas, hopes, prayers really. My three main goals were: Buy a house, Start a business, and Find a Rock Solid Love. Supporting goals around those ideas included: Conquering my addictions, Improving my self-esteem, Seeing beyond the limits of my ego, being fearless, Finishing What I Start, and last, but certainly not least, Healing.

IMG_8416

I had no real expectations.

I knew I was going to buy a house, but the search up until that point had been long and very tedious. I had looked at so many houses, and none of them felt right. When I created my vision board I was drawn to these pictures of a home with these crisp white walls. They seemed simple and elegant, they resonated with my soul, so onto the board they went. Three weeks into the year, the day of my thirty first birthday, I walked into a house, and as I was looking around a peaceful knowing came over my soul, this was my home. I didn’t pick up on it in that moment, but later on I was looking at my vision board, when it clicked. The house, my house, was full of tall, white, and simply elegant walls. My soul knew what I wanted all along, and through my vision board, it was able to show me exactly what that was.

Across the middle of my vision board I had created a large cutout of the word Entrepreneur. Again, I didn’t really know what that looked like, or what it meant for me, but onto the board it went for life to sort it all out. This one wasn’t as easy though. I struggled trying to figure out what business was really right for me. In March I created an LLC to do some side recruiting through. Recruiting is what I know, it’s what I’m good at, so it made sense that I create a business around that. Or did it?

A friend and former colleague of mine also started recruiting for himself about the same time. Except he was really going for it. We conversed a lot about how to go about the business, the ins and outs of taxes, legalities, contracts, etc. It didn’t take long for me to notice… that I really didn’t care about my business the way that he cared about his. It didn’t motivate me. It didn’t inspire me. That was a problem. That was a big problem.

In early March, I went to a talk by Derek Loudermilk that was called “Live the Life of your Dreams: The Top 10 Ways To Earn Money Online And Travel The World”. I was very intrigued by the message in Derek’s talk. He talked about various ways to make money through blogging, speaking, pod casting, coaching, and even creating and marketing online courses. These were all things that heavily piqued my interest. I already had a blog, I was always signing up for other people’s online life courses, and to imagine myself out giving a speech somewhere someday, possibly even a Ted talk… sent chills down my spine. This was what I wanted to do, this was the life of my dreams!!

The day after going to Derek’s talk, I got a random idea to host a Vision Board Class. I didn’t know what it would look like, or who would even want to attend, but I knew the New Moon was coming up and that was the best day of the month to plant an intention, so I created a Facebook event for the April New Moon, and hoped for the best. The night of my class, I had four girlfriends that came over. As soon as I saw the group of ladies that I would have, my heart felt so full, and so right. These were all women that I respected tremendously, who were all working hard at figuring out their own goals, and whom I knew that this class could truly help within their pursuits. It was an amazing and inspiring night.

A few weeks later, I set up a call with this Derek Loudermilk character. At the end of his talk, he had passed around a sign up sheet offering a free consultation to anyone there who wanted to talk. After seeing how inspiring my vision board class was, I wanted to talk to him and get his opinion on what kind of business I should potentially create. My one hour call turned into three hours, as Derek helped me work my way through some of my own self limiting blocks and beliefs that no one else in my life had been bold enough to call me out about to my face. My ego didn’t like him… which is exactly why my soul hired him right then and there. Working with Derek was a big financial commitment though, and again, my ego wasn’t totally on board. So I postponed our first official meeting until July so I would have enough time to wrap my ego and my brain around how the hell I was actually going to pay for him.

When I moved into my house, in the back of my mind, I had this idea that I could rent part of my it out on AirBNB. I knew I didn’t want permanent roommates, but I was totally okay with temporary guests, and even welcomed the thought of playing host to out of towners. So, with two months to secure my financial stability, and make sure I could really afford the commitment I had made, I went to work! I spent June and July getting beds, sheets, towels, and more, to turn my house into a real BNB. It was a lot of work, but it felt good, it felt right, and most of all it made me feel alive.

My first meeting with Derek came mid July. He was curious why I hadn’t posted my BNB yet. It wasn’t ready, it wasn’t perfect, I didn’t have pictures, I didn’t have a system figured out, I needed more time! My perfectionism needed more time. Derek challenged my objections though and pushed me to get the house listed by August 1st. Now my perfectionism had a choice: post it as it was… which wasn’t totally perfect, or fail to meet my first goal. I wasn’t about to be a failure, so I gave in and decided it was good enough to post. I listed the house on August 1st, my first guests checked in on August 5th. I was terrified. They were 5 kids from the UK who were finishing up a stint at a Summer Camp and had 5 days to kill in St. Louis before returning home. They had never used AirBNB, and were pretty much as clueless as I was about how exactly it was going to go. So we learned together. I learned that having house rules were important. They learned that eating your hosts food is a big no no. Lol. We had fun. Within my first month on AirBNB I made enough to pay my commitment to Derek, and still had extra to cover all my utilities. Every month since I have made enough to continue to cover my coaching costs and my most of utilities as well.

Dream Count
Soul: 1   Ego: 0

AirBNB wasn’t my end game though, that was simply one branch of the tree. My vision board class was another branch. My blog a third branch. Astrology, a passion of mine that was quickly becoming very useful to me, I knew would factor into this tree as well. While we’re on passions, there is also the topic of my comedy and storytelling, where do these fit in on my tree? Ahh, those go into the speaker branch. You know that dream of giving a TED talk that sent chills down my spine after Derek’s first talk? Yes, that is an important branch indeed. What else? Hmmm… Well, what I really want is to be someone’s Derek, calling out people’s ego’s and making them see how the only thing that is limiting them… is themselves. The more I got into astrology, and understanding my own innate talents and gifts, the more I have come to accept that this is actually something that I am very good at. I can see the bigger picture very clearly, and I’m great at meeting people on their level and talking to them in a way where they instinctively know they can trust me, and know that I have their best interests at heart. Which I do, and which is why being a coach is exactly what I need to be doing.

Dream Count
Soul: 6   Ego: 0

This year I figured out my dreams, and I learned to believe in myself enough to make them happen. Which, if that isn’t the truest definition of an Entrepreneur, then I don’t know what is.

So what about that third goal, a rock solid love? Those who know me well, know that love has been a struggle for me my entire life. Not for lack of trying, and not for a lack of suitors though, no, my struggle with love has always been with my ability to love myself. Until this year, until Derek called my ego out, and showed me how my thoughts and my words shaped this entire unlovable persona that I thought I was, I never really admitted that I didn’t love myself. When in fact, I didn’t just not love myself, but my self hatred ran quite deep. This was because I had deep hurts, deep wounds, deep pain, that I had never really acknowledged. I was always quite content to just always keep pretending I was fine. I saw no value in recognizing these things. In fact, it made me angry to even think about it. Well, it made my ego angry. You see, my ego, is the perfectionist, and for it to acknowledge my own imperfection made it quite hostile. I spent many nights this year alone in my home, quite literally screaming through that anger. Digging into it, understanding it, processing it, and thankfully slowly letting it go. Little by little, as I have let my anger go, as I have learned to understand the why behind my heavy emotions, I have slowly learned to love the imperfect woman that was beneath all of that hate. I have learned to love her something quite fierce actually. She is strong. She is kind. She is wise beyond her years. She is quite simply incredible. I can say all of that without hesitation now, because she IS the rock solid love I have been so desperately looking for.

Let’s go back to those vision board goals again: Buy a house (I  moved into my house on 3/17), Start a business (Achieved on 4/7, and again on 8/1, and again on 12/4.. and again and again and again), and Find a Rock Solid Love (All year long baby). Supporting goals around those ideas included: Conquering my addictions (I was sober 1/1 – 5/4, drank like a fish in May, realized why I got sober again by June, and have only let myself have wine ever since), Improving my self-esteem (Self love all day), Seeing beyond the limits of my ego (thank you Derek), being fearless (DOING ALL OF THIS REQUIRED ME TO BE MORE FEARLESS THAN I HAVE EVER KNOWN), Finishing What I Start (AirBNB), and last, but certainly not least, Healing (Working through anger, working through pain, coming out full of self love on the other side).

Wow.

2017… you changed my life.

It all started with a vision, a prayer, a hope. That is really all you ever really need. The Universe will always conspire to take care of the rest. 🙂

Sending you all so much love and light, as always,

– Christine

P.S. If you are in the St. Louis area, join me Sunday December 17th from 2-5 PM for my next vision board class! Come plant YOUR dream seeds for 2018!!

 

 

Advertisements

Last night marked the beginning of what I can feel is going to be an incredible journey for my life.

I hosted a Vision Board class in my home last night. For those not familiar, a vision board can be many things, but it’s purpose is to create a concrete visual of the goals, dreams, and energies that you want to attract in your life. When we have something with those things on it, where we can look at it everyday, and remain focused on what it is that we truly want in our lives, it adds to the power and momentum which is required to bring those things to fruition in our lives.

On a whim, a month or so ago, I decided that I wanted to do a vision board class. I honestly didn’t know what to expect, or how it was going to shape up, but I knew that the New Moon brings the perfect energy for manifesting goals and intentions, so I set the class for the next New Moon, created a Facebook event, invited everyone I knew, and waited to see what happened.

As time drew closer I started researching the energy of this specific New Moon, which was in Taurus. Reading about the patient, grounded energy that Taurus brings, and how it can help us to figure out where we really want to focus our time and attention in life, I knew that the class was going to have all of the energy and exact vibes that I was looking for it to create, both for myself, and for others. It truly all came together very nicely.

Teaching the class last night taught me two things about myself: 1) While I have resisted following in my mother’s footsteps of teaching thus far in my life, there IS in fact an inner kindergarten teacher inside of me who absolutely loves to create fun, inspirational, and crafty learning experiences for people. And 2) There is totally an inner guru inside of me who loves explaining the energy currents, leading meditations, and inspiring people to think outside the box.

I’ll be honest, I have so many ideas and dreams about what I want to do in this life, and lately I have been feeling a bit lost as to what it is I TRULY want to do. What is my core mission? What do I want to focus on? I have been asking myself those questions for the past few weeks trying to figure that out. The answer I have been getting is that I want to inspire people. Which, is great, but what does that mean? What does that look like?

Last night I learned what that looks like. It looks like me directing a group of very smart, inspired, forward thinking women on how to work with the current energies of universe in order to best visualize and set their focus and intentions for the month ahead. My strengths lie in three key areas: 1) Socializing/Networking 2) Planning/Organizing and 3) Outside the Box Thinking. When you combine all of those with the goal of wanting to inspire people… you get one bad ass vision board class teacher. 🙂

I definitely don’t think that vision boarding is where this stops either. It is a great class, and I will definitely be doing it again, probably on a monthly basis actually. However, what last night really showed me is that I am on exactly the right track with what I want to do with my life. I felt alive last night in the best way possible. Now all I want is to help everyone else in the world feel that same way, which is exactly what I was put here to do.

I. Can. Not. Wait!!!!

Here are some of the finished products of last night:

Visions

Stay blessed all,

– Christine

 

 

Check out Part One: The What… for the first part of this little talk.

Part Two: The Why…

I wished the surgery stories ended there, but there are a few more WTF details that I’d be amiss if I didn’t share.

Over my winter break my freshman year of college, I did a dumb thing guys. I decided that going snow skiing would be a good idea. My parents told me not to, and that it was a terrible idea… but I was invincible, and I wasn’t about to listen. Sure enough, at the end of the day of skiing, I was going down the hill, the snow was getting icy, I started going way too fast. I got to the bottom of the hill and shot out far into some snow that hadn’t been skied on all day. As I tried to curve back around to the lift, I hit a bump, snap, pop, and I was down. I remember trying to move my leg, and when I did, the top part moved… but the bottom part didn’t. Memories of my wonkity hip, and the plate, and all my former surgeries flooded my mind as I wondered if they would ever be able to piece me back together again. It was not pretty, and it involved surgery with doctors totally unfamiliar with my leg history, as I was skiing about three hours away from my home, but they got me put back together and my right femur is now a full metal rod. She works great though, and looking at me now you’d never guess I have nearly as much metal in my legs as I do. The leg surgeries end there though, thankfully.

What about that rare never before seen tumor though? Yeah, let’s go back to that for a minute. At the age of 26 I was working as an IT recruiter. One day I called a woman who lived outside of the state, as she had applied for a job I was working on. As I was talking to this woman, I started digging into why she wanted to move to St. Louis. She began to tell me she was moving back because several of her family members were diagnosed with pancreatic  cancer, and she had already lost two family members to the same thing. She went on to tell me how she had done a bunch of research into the issue and had determined that it was because they had all grown up next to Coldwater Creek in North County, St. Louis. She continued to tell me how the pancreatic cancer rates in North County were astronomically higher than anywhere else in St. Louis, and how she believed that it was all linked to the recent stories that had broke on the contamination in Coldwater Creek. I knew what she was referring to as it had just recently been in the news that it was discovered that there were Uranium waste disposal sites from the 1940’s located in St. Louis which had potentially leaked into the local ground water in North County through Coldwater Creek. It had not been noted in the news though about the increased cancer cluster rates. As this woman was talking to me I began to realize something. As soon as we got off the phone, I looked up the address of the house that I was born in, which was in North County. When I did… I saw that my childhood house was located two blocks away from Coldwater Creek.

I sat there stunned. Suddenly the bigger picture of life began to really set in. I have no doubt in my mind my never before seen pancreatic tumor that developed on my ovary is in some way linked to me living next to Coldwater Creek during the beginning years of my life. I was exposed to something which gave me a death sentence at a very early age in life… but God stepped in and worked his magic to divinely save my life. From my deep seated love of volleyball, all the way through each one of my surgeries, down to the miraculously messed up screw… it all happened for a reason.

I cannot describe how incredibly blessed, humble, and grateful that makes me feel, every day of my life.

As if that wasn’t enough though… A year ago I obtained my old medical records from my doctors. After reviewing them, I decided to google the very long medical name for my tumor. Google produced me back one article. Despite knowing that I was the first known instance of this tumor, I was still not prepared to click on this article and read about myself. However, that is exactly what happened. It described three known instances of this tumor being found. The first was a 17 year old female (that’s me!) in 2004, and then two others had been diagnosed with the same thing, one in 2009, and one in 2010. It referenced my oopharectomy (which is what you call an ovary removal by the way) and that I had gone on to lead a healthy life. The second person, from 2009, suffered complications of continued tumor growth, and did not survive. The third patient also had continued tumor growth and did not survive. I was the only survivor of this specific type of growth. Again, I sat in front of my computer absolutely stunned.. this time for quite a few hours.

A few weeks ago, I went to a Psychic who specializes in Numerology. When she calculated my life path as a one,  she quickly apologized as she let me know that ones always have very hard lives, and most don’t live long lives. Women with a life path of one in particular frequently suffer from issues with the reproductive organs. She told me about a grand baby she had, and as soon as she was born, she knew she wasn’t going to live long. She had the curse of the ones, and sure enough her grand baby died at age 5 from cancer.

As she told me this, she looked at me very curiously though, and she said, “You’re lucky though, aren’t you?”

“Yes,… Yes, I am beyond lucky indeed.”

“There’s a reason for that,” she said, “there’s a plan for you, I don’t know quite what, but you will figure it out, the universe will make sure of that.”

“I know it will.”

And I do. I know that my life was saved by divine intervention for a specific reason. There is no doubt in my mind about that, and my whole life I have always felt a drive to find that reason and that purpose. I haven’t come upon the full reason yet in life, but I am not worried, I know the Universe is working everyday to get me ready for what I am ultimately here to do.

So I don’t fully know my why as of yet… but I will be sure to keep you all posted as my journey progresses. I do know it is not a coincidence that I am a writer. My journey through life was absolutely meant to be shared, and it is my hope that my words will always serve to inspire those who read them.

Today’s inspiration?

As cliche as it may sound, I cannot stress it enough, everything happens for a reason. Every perceived set back, is simply the Universe conspiring to get you where you truly need to be. Please understand and believe that. Trust in the divine guidance that is working everyday to create greatness in this world. Do not worry, do not waste energy being upset. Roll with the punches, and you will quickly see, what is meant for you will always be. What passes you by, was never in your best interest. The more people realize this and begin to truly trust in the flow of the universe, the less worry and stress we will all begin to see.

I hope my journey helps show just how true that message really is.

Trust. It will all work out as it is meant to be.

Much love all,

– Christine

go-with-the-flow

When I am present in any given moment, I notice everything in that moment.

I notice the sounds around me, and what they are telling me about the positioning of all who are in motion around me.

I notice the subtle shift of knowing vs. curiosity in people’s eyes when I talk to them.

I notice the deliberate placement of someone’s gaze vs the haphazard wandering of a thoughtless stare.

I notice the thought that is forming in a person’s mind behind the facade of their inactive listening.

I notice the collective energy vibes of a room, and who is influencing those vibes the most.

I notice the endless depth behind the quietest people… and their silent acknowledgement of my knowing of their secret brilliance when our eyes meet and briefly pierce each other’s souls.

I notice the awkward dance that rests in the air between two people who can’t quite seem to figure out the connection between them.

I notice the subtle change of attitude that some feel necessary to use to distract others when they sense someone is becoming too close.

I notice the little things that people do and the little things they used to do.

I notice when your soul isn’t into something any more.

I notice both the calm and the erratic levels that people are vibing at, based on the zen of the air around them.

I notice when you enter a room, and when you leave it.

I notice you silently working up the courage to speak words to that person you’re really into… especially if that person is me.

I notice people who are turning on the charm vs. those who are naturally charming.

I notice those who are aware consciously aware of the fifth dimension, and those who will never quite grasp it.

I notice when you have ulterior motives behind the words coming out of your mouth.

I notice when you are lying.

I notice when you are trying to manipulate someone into thinking your idea is their idea.

I notice your level of confidence by combining the total of your words, your actions, and your silence.

I notice the subtlety of almost everything.

I notice things because I’m intuitive, perceptive, and judgmental. I’ve developed an ego of kindness which lends itself to being a people pleaser, and as such, I learned very early on to pay close attention to people, and all they were saying and not saying, so that I could use that knowledge to get what I wanted from them or the situation, all while making them think my interest is because I only have their best interest at heart. This is not to say that I don’t have their best interest at heart many times, however, self preservation is most always the name of the game.

It’s lonely at times… noticing everything about everyone… while mostly just wanting someone to notice me… and that I am not really what I pretend to be. I long for someone that looks at me in amazement of all the things I can clearly see, with a knowing that they will never quite be able to figure me out. Which may sound tiresome to most, but I’ve learned my best matches are the ones who love the randomness of my ever changing mind. To those few… the reward is the essence of my free spirited heart. For inside the layers of my brilliant mind, is a simple, fun loving girl, with a curiosity as fierce as the winds of a hurricane… that just wants to laugh and play, and make the most of this playground that is our world. A girl who wants to live at the highest levels of consciousness, where nothing of this world can be taken for granted, as it all serves a divine purpose for our chosen path of learning in life. Her, who will simply always want to be watching and be reveling in the orchestra of life… everyday that she is alive.

So… would you like to take notice with me?

– Christine

 

So this morning one of the first things I saw on Facebook this morning was a video of a former pastor stating how he believes the Bible was in fact not written by Jesus, but by man to manipulate men. He went on to say that he 100 percent believes in God, but that the Bible was not a product of God, but of man. First thought: duh, Jesus didn’t write the bible the apostles wrote the bible. Or something like that right? (My bible study days are a bit foggy at this point in life.) My second thought: duh, this is why religion is not the same thing as spirituality. However, after reading comment after comment from disappointed Christians about how sad it was that this former pastor no longer believed in God (even though he clearly stated that he did still believe in God), I came to the conclusion that today was as good a day as any to explain Religion vs. Spirituality. I hadn’t planned on going this deep so soon, but one cannot fight where the light leads them. 🙂

One of the first things I am quick to clarify with new people in my life is that I am a spiritual person, but I am not religious. How’s that you may ask? Well, I grew up attending private school my whole life, church almost every Sunday, and not just one religion, but a multitude of religions over my life as my mother and father tried to figure out their own religious standings. However, it was not until 2 years ago that I actually came to know God.  13 years of private school education and I found God at 28 while meditating on top of a hill. I had an experience that day where I opened my eyes and I suddenly saw everything around me as one connected orb. I don’t really know how to explain it that well, but in that moment I suddenly knew that God was everything in this universe, every single thing could be broken down into the tiniest of molecules and those molecules were God. This realization changed my life.

After spending a lifetime rebelling against the religion that had been shoved down my throat, I suddenly wanted to know everything there was to know about this God that I had witnessed. Through my quest to find out more about God, I have explored many different “religions” over the past 2 years. At the time I was attending a Unity church, which is what had gotten me into mediation. So I started by expanding my knowledge of meditation. I found a local meditation group that taught the practice of Sahaja Yoga, a meditation (not actual yoga) that explains how to awaken our inner kundalini. To be clear this group is not a religion, but rather a group that teaches a spiritual tool to awaken the energy within our soul and practice a meditation that walks one through understanding what to do as one pulls forth that energy and it works its way through all of our chakras. (I’m not going to attempt to explain it better than that, but if you are interested, I highly recommend googling it.) During my first visit to Sahaja Yoga the teacher spoke about our DNA, and how everything can be broken down to the smallest particle, and that smallest particle makes up everything in this world. That’s when I knew I was in the right place, as that was exactly what my vision on the hill had revealed to me.

From that meditation class, I found another meditation group with a local yogini. She hosted a group meditation where she would walk us deep into our inner minds, and then concluded with a discussion on whatever life topic she had chosen for the week. The talks with yogini were always quite profound, as the group would talk and it seemed everyone had a general understanding of the topic she had picked out for the week. However, then inevitably she would turn the tables upside down on us with her divine wisdom as to why what we all were seeing was in fact not true but rather the product of our limited minds and beliefs. It was here that I learned to open my mind quite a bit and started to question everything.

From there, my spiritual journey, through a string of coincidences (coincidences are one of the ways that the Universe speaks to us FYI), landed me in a class taught by a local spiritual life coach, Jean Walters, over the book “A Course in Miracles”. The course in miracles is a book written by two atheists who say that God directed them to write the book. It has many lessons, but what our course focused on was the work book aspect which is 365 daily lessons on how to break down the thoughts of the ego so that you can start to stop your destructive thoughts and behaviors in the mind before they turn into action. I’ll be honest I have not made it super far into my 365 lessons, but from what I have read, it has helped me shift to a mental understanding that helps me to look at things in the present moment with fresh eyes. Free of judgment and assumptions which are only based on the past. It’s an awesome mental shift to make.

Perhaps due to my newfound ability to see things without assumptions and judgments, I recently decided to take a class on Kabbalah. (Yes, the Madonna religion *sigh*) Now I am new to the study of Kabbalah, so my explanation of it is almost undoubtedly not going to be correct, however, what Kabbalah is to me is a collection of tools and teachings that help a person to better understand their own mind. For instance you have a thought, one has thousands of thoughts throughout the day, but one does not act on all of those thoughts. Kabbalah (again in simpleton terms) is the process of understanding your own process of how you move a thought from thinking to doing. It helps you understand the road blocks in your mind that keep you from doing the things that you wish you were doing, and provides tools to help you stop doing the things that you wish you weren’t doing. That is only scratching the surface of Kabbalah I am sure, but I am excited to continue my classes and learn more about this practice.

So… what’s my point here? Religion is not spirituality. Religion IS man made, and therefore is fallible. All of the various religions that exist are simply one person’s way of trying to explain God, or in some cases just people’s attempt to control other people. In fact, I have come to general guideline for religions, which is that if your religion dictates that I must hate or turn my back on any person because your religion says so… then I do not view that religion as a true dedication to following the God that I know. The God that I know is simply pure love for all. As for spirituality, the definition really says it all:

“Spirituality is a broad concept with room for many perspectives. In general, it includes a sense of connection to something bigger than ourselves, and it typically involves a search for meaning in life. As such, it is a universal human experience—something that touches us all.”

If you take away anything from this, let it be that you are a spiritual being as much as you are a human being, and as such you should seek out your own spiritual journey, whatever that may look like for you. Don’t let religious rules scare you off, take everything with a grain of salt, open your mind, and explore where your heart leads you. A good place to start? Ask the universe to guide you. Ask, and then meditate on the answer. When you clear your mind, the answers will come.

Much love and blessings to you all.

– Christine