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Posts Tagged ‘universal energy

2017.

What a year it has been. I’m already getting chills just thinking about this year. <Deep Breath> What a year, indeed.

I started this year by creating a Vision Board to chart out my biggest goals. Goals that at the time were just mere thoughts, ideas, hopes, prayers really. My three main goals were: Buy a house, Start a business, and Find a Rock Solid Love. Supporting goals around those ideas included: Conquering my addictions, Improving my self-esteem, Seeing beyond the limits of my ego, being fearless, Finishing What I Start, and last, but certainly not least, Healing.

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I had no real expectations.

I knew I was going to buy a house, but the search up until that point had been long and very tedious. I had looked at so many houses, and none of them felt right. When I created my vision board I was drawn to these pictures of a home with these crisp white walls. They seemed simple and elegant, they resonated with my soul, so onto the board they went. Three weeks into the year, the day of my thirty first birthday, I walked into a house, and as I was looking around a peaceful knowing came over my soul, this was my home. I didn’t pick up on it in that moment, but later on I was looking at my vision board, when it clicked. The house, my house, was full of tall, white, and simply elegant walls. My soul knew what I wanted all along, and through my vision board, it was able to show me exactly what that was.

Across the middle of my vision board I had created a large cutout of the word Entrepreneur. Again, I didn’t really know what that looked like, or what it meant for me, but onto the board it went for life to sort it all out. This one wasn’t as easy though. I struggled trying to figure out what business was really right for me. In March I created an LLC to do some side recruiting through. Recruiting is what I know, it’s what I’m good at, so it made sense that I create a business around that. Or did it?

A friend and former colleague of mine also started recruiting for himself about the same time. Except he was really going for it. We conversed a lot about how to go about the business, the ins and outs of taxes, legalities, contracts, etc. It didn’t take long for me to notice… that I really didn’t care about my business the way that he cared about his. It didn’t motivate me. It didn’t inspire me. That was a problem. That was a big problem.

In early March, I went to a talk by Derek Loudermilk that was called “Live the Life of your Dreams: The Top 10 Ways To Earn Money Online And Travel The World”. I was very intrigued by the message in Derek’s talk. He talked about various ways to make money through blogging, speaking, pod casting, coaching, and even creating and marketing online courses. These were all things that heavily piqued my interest. I already had a blog, I was always signing up for other people’s online life courses, and to imagine myself out giving a speech somewhere someday, possibly even a Ted talk… sent chills down my spine. This was what I wanted to do, this was the life of my dreams!!

The day after going to Derek’s talk, I got a random idea to host a Vision Board Class. I didn’t know what it would look like, or who would even want to attend, but I knew the New Moon was coming up and that was the best day of the month to plant an intention, so I created a Facebook event for the April New Moon, and hoped for the best. The night of my class, I had four girlfriends that came over. As soon as I saw the group of ladies that I would have, my heart felt so full, and so right. These were all women that I respected tremendously, who were all working hard at figuring out their own goals, and whom I knew that this class could truly help within their pursuits. It was an amazing and inspiring night.

A few weeks later, I set up a call with this Derek Loudermilk character. At the end of his talk, he had passed around a sign up sheet offering a free consultation to anyone there who wanted to talk. After seeing how inspiring my vision board class was, I wanted to talk to him and get his opinion on what kind of business I should potentially create. My one hour call turned into three hours, as Derek helped me work my way through some of my own self limiting blocks and beliefs that no one else in my life had been bold enough to call me out about to my face. My ego didn’t like him… which is exactly why my soul hired him right then and there. Working with Derek was a big financial commitment though, and again, my ego wasn’t totally on board. So I postponed our first official meeting until July so I would have enough time to wrap my ego and my brain around how the hell I was actually going to pay for him.

When I moved into my house, in the back of my mind, I had this idea that I could rent part of my it out on AirBNB. I knew I didn’t want permanent roommates, but I was totally okay with temporary guests, and even welcomed the thought of playing host to out of towners. So, with two months to secure my financial stability, and make sure I could really afford the commitment I had made, I went to work! I spent June and July getting beds, sheets, towels, and more, to turn my house into a real BNB. It was a lot of work, but it felt good, it felt right, and most of all it made me feel alive.

My first meeting with Derek came mid July. He was curious why I hadn’t posted my BNB yet. It wasn’t ready, it wasn’t perfect, I didn’t have pictures, I didn’t have a system figured out, I needed more time! My perfectionism needed more time. Derek challenged my objections though and pushed me to get the house listed by August 1st. Now my perfectionism had a choice: post it as it was… which wasn’t totally perfect, or fail to meet my first goal. I wasn’t about to be a failure, so I gave in and decided it was good enough to post. I listed the house on August 1st, my first guests checked in on August 5th. I was terrified. They were 5 kids from the UK who were finishing up a stint at a Summer Camp and had 5 days to kill in St. Louis before returning home. They had never used AirBNB, and were pretty much as clueless as I was about how exactly it was going to go. So we learned together. I learned that having house rules were important. They learned that eating your hosts food is a big no no. Lol. We had fun. Within my first month on AirBNB I made enough to pay my commitment to Derek, and still had extra to cover all my utilities. Every month since I have made enough to continue to cover my coaching costs and my most of utilities as well.

Dream Count
Soul: 1   Ego: 0

AirBNB wasn’t my end game though, that was simply one branch of the tree. My vision board class was another branch. My blog a third branch. Astrology, a passion of mine that was quickly becoming very useful to me, I knew would factor into this tree as well. While we’re on passions, there is also the topic of my comedy and storytelling, where do these fit in on my tree? Ahh, those go into the speaker branch. You know that dream of giving a TED talk that sent chills down my spine after Derek’s first talk? Yes, that is an important branch indeed. What else? Hmmm… Well, what I really want is to be someone’s Derek, calling out people’s ego’s and making them see how the only thing that is limiting them… is themselves. The more I got into astrology, and understanding my own innate talents and gifts, the more I have come to accept that this is actually something that I am very good at. I can see the bigger picture very clearly, and I’m great at meeting people on their level and talking to them in a way where they instinctively know they can trust me, and know that I have their best interests at heart. Which I do, and which is why being a coach is exactly what I need to be doing.

Dream Count
Soul: 6   Ego: 0

This year I figured out my dreams, and I learned to believe in myself enough to make them happen. Which, if that isn’t the truest definition of an Entrepreneur, then I don’t know what is.

So what about that third goal, a rock solid love? Those who know me well, know that love has been a struggle for me my entire life. Not for lack of trying, and not for a lack of suitors though, no, my struggle with love has always been with my ability to love myself. Until this year, until Derek called my ego out, and showed me how my thoughts and my words shaped this entire unlovable persona that I thought I was, I never really admitted that I didn’t love myself. When in fact, I didn’t just not love myself, but my self hatred ran quite deep. This was because I had deep hurts, deep wounds, deep pain, that I had never really acknowledged. I was always quite content to just always keep pretending I was fine. I saw no value in recognizing these things. In fact, it made me angry to even think about it. Well, it made my ego angry. You see, my ego, is the perfectionist, and for it to acknowledge my own imperfection made it quite hostile. I spent many nights this year alone in my home, quite literally screaming through that anger. Digging into it, understanding it, processing it, and thankfully slowly letting it go. Little by little, as I have let my anger go, as I have learned to understand the why behind my heavy emotions, I have slowly learned to love the imperfect woman that was beneath all of that hate. I have learned to love her something quite fierce actually. She is strong. She is kind. She is wise beyond her years. She is quite simply incredible. I can say all of that without hesitation now, because she IS the rock solid love I have been so desperately looking for.

Let’s go back to those vision board goals again: Buy a house (I  moved into my house on 3/17), Start a business (Achieved on 4/7, and again on 8/1, and again on 12/4.. and again and again and again), and Find a Rock Solid Love (All year long baby). Supporting goals around those ideas included: Conquering my addictions (I was sober 1/1 – 5/4, drank like a fish in May, realized why I got sober again by June, and have only let myself have wine ever since), Improving my self-esteem (Self love all day), Seeing beyond the limits of my ego (thank you Derek), being fearless (DOING ALL OF THIS REQUIRED ME TO BE MORE FEARLESS THAN I HAVE EVER KNOWN), Finishing What I Start (AirBNB), and last, but certainly not least, Healing (Working through anger, working through pain, coming out full of self love on the other side).

Wow.

2017… you changed my life.

It all started with a vision, a prayer, a hope. That is really all you ever really need. The Universe will always conspire to take care of the rest. 🙂

Sending you all so much love and light, as always,

– Christine

P.S. If you are in the St. Louis area, join me Sunday December 17th from 2-5 PM for my next vision board class! Come plant YOUR dream seeds for 2018!!

 

 

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Last night marked the beginning of what I can feel is going to be an incredible journey for my life.

I hosted a Vision Board class in my home last night. For those not familiar, a vision board can be many things, but it’s purpose is to create a concrete visual of the goals, dreams, and energies that you want to attract in your life. When we have something with those things on it, where we can look at it everyday, and remain focused on what it is that we truly want in our lives, it adds to the power and momentum which is required to bring those things to fruition in our lives.

On a whim, a month or so ago, I decided that I wanted to do a vision board class. I honestly didn’t know what to expect, or how it was going to shape up, but I knew that the New Moon brings the perfect energy for manifesting goals and intentions, so I set the class for the next New Moon, created a Facebook event, invited everyone I knew, and waited to see what happened.

As time drew closer I started researching the energy of this specific New Moon, which was in Taurus. Reading about the patient, grounded energy that Taurus brings, and how it can help us to figure out where we really want to focus our time and attention in life, I knew that the class was going to have all of the energy and exact vibes that I was looking for it to create, both for myself, and for others. It truly all came together very nicely.

Teaching the class last night taught me two things about myself: 1) While I have resisted following in my mother’s footsteps of teaching thus far in my life, there IS in fact an inner kindergarten teacher inside of me who absolutely loves to create fun, inspirational, and crafty learning experiences for people. And 2) There is totally an inner guru inside of me who loves explaining the energy currents, leading meditations, and inspiring people to think outside the box.

I’ll be honest, I have so many ideas and dreams about what I want to do in this life, and lately I have been feeling a bit lost as to what it is I TRULY want to do. What is my core mission? What do I want to focus on? I have been asking myself those questions for the past few weeks trying to figure that out. The answer I have been getting is that I want to inspire people. Which, is great, but what does that mean? What does that look like?

Last night I learned what that looks like. It looks like me directing a group of very smart, inspired, forward thinking women on how to work with the current energies of universe in order to best visualize and set their focus and intentions for the month ahead. My strengths lie in three key areas: 1) Socializing/Networking 2) Planning/Organizing and 3) Outside the Box Thinking. When you combine all of those with the goal of wanting to inspire people… you get one bad ass vision board class teacher. 🙂

I definitely don’t think that vision boarding is where this stops either. It is a great class, and I will definitely be doing it again, probably on a monthly basis actually. However, what last night really showed me is that I am on exactly the right track with what I want to do with my life. I felt alive last night in the best way possible. Now all I want is to help everyone else in the world feel that same way, which is exactly what I was put here to do.

I. Can. Not. Wait!!!!

Here are some of the finished products of last night:

Visions

Stay blessed all,

– Christine

 

 

chuckswindoll

It is a very interesting time in terms of the energy in the world right now.

Have you felt as though problems you thought you conquered are creeping back up in your life?

That is the cause of all the retrograde action going on right now. We just got out of Venus retrograde, but Mars and Pluto are still there.

Basically what has been going on, is that the universe has been stirring up deep issues, perhaps ones that we thought we had moved past, to bring them to our attention for true deep healing. It is bringing things up in a manner where it may cause you to react very harshly. This is because the universe is wanting us to recognize the irrationality of these issues, and see beyond our emotions to understand the true underlying feelings and wounds that we have which remain deep within us.

One of my biggest fears is the fear of abandonment. When I give into this fear I become very insecure in relationships, and lose all my confidence and self esteem.

This past week was definitely a test of my ability to control my reactions to this fear.

First, I was stood up for a date with someone whom I had already been out with and established a connection with. He later explained he got sick, and tried calling me but had phone problems, but regardless, sitting there waiting for this man to show up and then realizing he was not going to… was a very strong test of my fear. Normally, I would have reacted and gone off the edge of crazy on this man. However, trying to remain calm and enlightened, I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and told myself I would not react for at least three days. I made it two before my crazy came out. Which was not pretty, BUT, as I was going crazy,  I was witnessing it internally in a way that I had never been  able to before. I watched my crazy self make assumptions, and then go into obsessive state, which ultimately served no purpose and made the whole situation worse. The way that I reacted was not good. However, being able to become aware of where I was going wrong and track it back to my fear of abandonment then gave me the ability to sit with that knowledge and understand myself better so that perhaps next time I will not let my emotions run such a muck based on my perceived reality, was very enlightening.

All of the retrograde energies right now are creating a perfect storm for the Universe to send us opportunities that testing our ability to trust and have faith and trust that the Universe is working in our favor. If we can remember this, that makes its so much easier to be less reactive when we face perceived challenges.

So if you find yourself facing some challenges right now, remember to trust that this is an opportunity from the universe to recognize your own part in creating these issues in your life. Remember to pause, reflect, and dig into what you are really feeling behind your initial reactions. What is it that you really need from the situation that you are not getting?

And if you do react, go crazy, get angry, whatever the case may be, remember that it is okay. We are only human, and we are not perfect. Don’t beat yourself up about it, have compassion for yourself, and remember to forgive yourself. Recognizing that the challenge is truly within is a great feat all on its own, so chin up!

This was mostly a pep talk for myself, but I hope it helps a few others out there as well.

Happy Monday all!

– Christine

 

Check out Part One: The What… for the first part of this little talk.

Part Two: The Why…

I wished the surgery stories ended there, but there are a few more WTF details that I’d be amiss if I didn’t share.

Over my winter break my freshman year of college, I did a dumb thing guys. I decided that going snow skiing would be a good idea. My parents told me not to, and that it was a terrible idea… but I was invincible, and I wasn’t about to listen. Sure enough, at the end of the day of skiing, I was going down the hill, the snow was getting icy, I started going way too fast. I got to the bottom of the hill and shot out far into some snow that hadn’t been skied on all day. As I tried to curve back around to the lift, I hit a bump, snap, pop, and I was down. I remember trying to move my leg, and when I did, the top part moved… but the bottom part didn’t. Memories of my wonkity hip, and the plate, and all my former surgeries flooded my mind as I wondered if they would ever be able to piece me back together again. It was not pretty, and it involved surgery with doctors totally unfamiliar with my leg history, as I was skiing about three hours away from my home, but they got me put back together and my right femur is now a full metal rod. She works great though, and looking at me now you’d never guess I have nearly as much metal in my legs as I do. The leg surgeries end there though, thankfully.

What about that rare never before seen tumor though? Yeah, let’s go back to that for a minute. At the age of 26 I was working as an IT recruiter. One day I called a woman who lived outside of the state, as she had applied for a job I was working on. As I was talking to this woman, I started digging into why she wanted to move to St. Louis. She began to tell me she was moving back because several of her family members were diagnosed with pancreatic  cancer, and she had already lost two family members to the same thing. She went on to tell me how she had done a bunch of research into the issue and had determined that it was because they had all grown up next to Coldwater Creek in North County, St. Louis. She continued to tell me how the pancreatic cancer rates in North County were astronomically higher than anywhere else in St. Louis, and how she believed that it was all linked to the recent stories that had broke on the contamination in Coldwater Creek. I knew what she was referring to as it had just recently been in the news that it was discovered that there were Uranium waste disposal sites from the 1940’s located in St. Louis which had potentially leaked into the local ground water in North County through Coldwater Creek. It had not been noted in the news though about the increased cancer cluster rates. As this woman was talking to me I began to realize something. As soon as we got off the phone, I looked up the address of the house that I was born in, which was in North County. When I did… I saw that my childhood house was located two blocks away from Coldwater Creek.

I sat there stunned. Suddenly the bigger picture of life began to really set in. I have no doubt in my mind my never before seen pancreatic tumor that developed on my ovary is in some way linked to me living next to Coldwater Creek during the beginning years of my life. I was exposed to something which gave me a death sentence at a very early age in life… but God stepped in and worked his magic to divinely save my life. From my deep seated love of volleyball, all the way through each one of my surgeries, down to the miraculously messed up screw… it all happened for a reason.

I cannot describe how incredibly blessed, humble, and grateful that makes me feel, every day of my life.

As if that wasn’t enough though… A year ago I obtained my old medical records from my doctors. After reviewing them, I decided to google the very long medical name for my tumor. Google produced me back one article. Despite knowing that I was the first known instance of this tumor, I was still not prepared to click on this article and read about myself. However, that is exactly what happened. It described three known instances of this tumor being found. The first was a 17 year old female (that’s me!) in 2004, and then two others had been diagnosed with the same thing, one in 2009, and one in 2010. It referenced my oopharectomy (which is what you call an ovary removal by the way) and that I had gone on to lead a healthy life. The second person, from 2009, suffered complications of continued tumor growth, and did not survive. The third patient also had continued tumor growth and did not survive. I was the only survivor of this specific type of growth. Again, I sat in front of my computer absolutely stunned.. this time for quite a few hours.

A few weeks ago, I went to a Psychic who specializes in Numerology. When she calculated my life path as a one,  she quickly apologized as she let me know that ones always have very hard lives, and most don’t live long lives. Women with a life path of one in particular frequently suffer from issues with the reproductive organs. She told me about a grand baby she had, and as soon as she was born, she knew she wasn’t going to live long. She had the curse of the ones, and sure enough her grand baby died at age 5 from cancer.

As she told me this, she looked at me very curiously though, and she said, “You’re lucky though, aren’t you?”

“Yes,… Yes, I am beyond lucky indeed.”

“There’s a reason for that,” she said, “there’s a plan for you, I don’t know quite what, but you will figure it out, the universe will make sure of that.”

“I know it will.”

And I do. I know that my life was saved by divine intervention for a specific reason. There is no doubt in my mind about that, and my whole life I have always felt a drive to find that reason and that purpose. I haven’t come upon the full reason yet in life, but I am not worried, I know the Universe is working everyday to get me ready for what I am ultimately here to do.

So I don’t fully know my why as of yet… but I will be sure to keep you all posted as my journey progresses. I do know it is not a coincidence that I am a writer. My journey through life was absolutely meant to be shared, and it is my hope that my words will always serve to inspire those who read them.

Today’s inspiration?

As cliche as it may sound, I cannot stress it enough, everything happens for a reason. Every perceived set back, is simply the Universe conspiring to get you where you truly need to be. Please understand and believe that. Trust in the divine guidance that is working everyday to create greatness in this world. Do not worry, do not waste energy being upset. Roll with the punches, and you will quickly see, what is meant for you will always be. What passes you by, was never in your best interest. The more people realize this and begin to truly trust in the flow of the universe, the less worry and stress we will all begin to see.

I hope my journey helps show just how true that message really is.

Trust. It will all work out as it is meant to be.

Much love all,

– Christine

go-with-the-flow

I know I’m getting pretty behind on my daily writing, however, I’ve been stuck in this weird limbo feeling for the past two weeks as I’ve been waiting to hear back on a situation. I don’t want to talk about it until I know it’s really happening, so because I don’t want to talk about it, I’ve basically not been wanting to really talk about anything. That’s a pretty lame excuse for not writing though, so really I just need to stop letting myself get dissuaded by excuses.

As I have mentioned, I am currently taking classes in Kabbalah which help me better understand the mind and the ego. It’s been extremely transformative for me in terms of understanding my own responsibility in all of my reactions to things in life.

More than that, Kabbalah has taught me a deeper understanding for the universe and the fundamental explanation of why we are in the energetic climate that we are currently experiencing, and what I can do personally in order to better humanity.

Check out this week’s post from Kabbalah Student, Billy Phillips. The video at the end absolutely blew my mind, because I not only understood and believed it to be true, but I felt it was true in my soul. The purpose of all of creation and how we achieve utopia and peace on earth is explained in the video. Which to think that we are in the moment in time where this information is now being disseminated to the masses and a global awakening IS in fact happening… is mind blowingly awesome.

The energy of the world right now is slowly shifting towards realization that we are all one, and what we do to another, we do to ourselves. As we become aware of this, it is my belief that we will rapidly see our world shift towards a place centered in love and peace. Love for all our fellow man kind, just as we love ourselves. Those in positions of power who have been driven by greed and corruption for so long will even be converted to love. The power structure currently in place IS coming down. Trust in that, and know that incredible, amazing, things are starting to happen in our world. We are alive during the conscious awakening of the world, and if we focus on our own awakening and learning during this time we will reap incredible benefits and rewards almost immediately within our lives.

Such an incredible time to be alive.

Sit on that information for a minute and then think about what you are doing to discover and unleash your own gifts to the world right now. Is your path rooted in love? Love of self, and love for your fellow man? That is what your aim should be. To live in love, by following the pull of your heart. Heart centered living. This is the only path forward to true happiness in life.

Not sure how you do this? Start by tuning into your heart. Meditate. Quiet your mind. Tune into your heart. This is the starting point for anyone who is ready to start living the best life they can possibly lead. When you quiet your mind and listen, your heart will guide you to the answers that you need.

If you are in the St. Louis area, and would like to learn how to better focus and meditate, I highly recommend checking out this group, SahajaYoga Meditation, they have a great explanation of meditation, followed by a guided meditation. If you regularly attend their classes (which are free!!) they are very helpful in starting one’s journey with meditation.

If you are in another location, you can check out the main website for Sahaja Yoga Meditation to locate groups worldwide. Classes are free everywhere, as the founder of SahajaYoga, Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi says, “Truth cannot be sold, it cannot be purchased”, it is just to be experienced and enjoyed.

Enjoy the truth my friends. Connect with your inner divinity, and live from your heart.

God bless,

– Christine

 

When I am present in any given moment, I notice everything in that moment.

I notice the sounds around me, and what they are telling me about the positioning of all who are in motion around me.

I notice the subtle shift of knowing vs. curiosity in people’s eyes when I talk to them.

I notice the deliberate placement of someone’s gaze vs the haphazard wandering of a thoughtless stare.

I notice the thought that is forming in a person’s mind behind the facade of their inactive listening.

I notice the collective energy vibes of a room, and who is influencing those vibes the most.

I notice the endless depth behind the quietest people… and their silent acknowledgement of my knowing of their secret brilliance when our eyes meet and briefly pierce each other’s souls.

I notice the awkward dance that rests in the air between two people who can’t quite seem to figure out the connection between them.

I notice the subtle change of attitude that some feel necessary to use to distract others when they sense someone is becoming too close.

I notice the little things that people do and the little things they used to do.

I notice when your soul isn’t into something any more.

I notice both the calm and the erratic levels that people are vibing at, based on the zen of the air around them.

I notice when you enter a room, and when you leave it.

I notice you silently working up the courage to speak words to that person you’re really into… especially if that person is me.

I notice people who are turning on the charm vs. those who are naturally charming.

I notice those who are aware consciously aware of the fifth dimension, and those who will never quite grasp it.

I notice when you have ulterior motives behind the words coming out of your mouth.

I notice when you are lying.

I notice when you are trying to manipulate someone into thinking your idea is their idea.

I notice your level of confidence by combining the total of your words, your actions, and your silence.

I notice the subtlety of almost everything.

I notice things because I’m intuitive, perceptive, and judgmental. I’ve developed an ego of kindness which lends itself to being a people pleaser, and as such, I learned very early on to pay close attention to people, and all they were saying and not saying, so that I could use that knowledge to get what I wanted from them or the situation, all while making them think my interest is because I only have their best interest at heart. This is not to say that I don’t have their best interest at heart many times, however, self preservation is most always the name of the game.

It’s lonely at times… noticing everything about everyone… while mostly just wanting someone to notice me… and that I am not really what I pretend to be. I long for someone that looks at me in amazement of all the things I can clearly see, with a knowing that they will never quite be able to figure me out. Which may sound tiresome to most, but I’ve learned my best matches are the ones who love the randomness of my ever changing mind. To those few… the reward is the essence of my free spirited heart. For inside the layers of my brilliant mind, is a simple, fun loving girl, with a curiosity as fierce as the winds of a hurricane… that just wants to laugh and play, and make the most of this playground that is our world. A girl who wants to live at the highest levels of consciousness, where nothing of this world can be taken for granted, as it all serves a divine purpose for our chosen path of learning in life. Her, who will simply always want to be watching and be reveling in the orchestra of life… everyday that she is alive.

So… would you like to take notice with me?

– Christine

 

Today is my birthday. Maybe it’s the week I’ve had, but I can’t remember a birthday that I have been less enthusiastic about. Thirty one. No glitz. No glamour. It’s just an age now. That part I’m okay with. I’m not dismayed by age. I am quite intrigued by the thirties and excited for how they will see me grow.

I think my disappointment with this year comes on the slight feeling of having failed myself over the past year. You see, since my birthday is in January, every year I set a goal for myself of something I want to accomplish that year. In the years leading up to thirty it seemed my ability to achieve said goal always came in the final hours. I’m a procrastinator by nature, so the pressure to make something happen doesn’t really hit hard until the deadline is fast approaching.

My goal for myself for thirty was to buy a house or property. Anyone that knows me, knows I’ve been working hard towards this goal this past year. I even moved in with my parents mid year in order to meet the monetary goal I knew was truly necessary to be serious about buying a place. Many people also know that over the past two months I’ve put several offers on places, even had one accepted only to fall through shortly after. To say it’s been challenging would be an understatement. I know internally I became more frantic about buying a place in December only because I knew my birthday was rapidly approaching and the thought of failing myself seemed out of the question. The Universe seems determine to not let me achieve this one.

However today, as I look back at the year that I have had, the challenges that I have faced, and the growth that I have achieved over the past 12 months, I see that my failure was not in the fact that I didn’t buy a property this year. No, my failure lies in the goal that I set for myself. You see my goal this year was wrong from the start. Before I could achieve the things that I want in life, I needed to get real about the things that were holding me back in life. That’s what this year taught me.. that in order to move forward, you must first admit to what is holding you back. What was holding me back? My ability to take care of myself… my ability to be healthy… physically and mentally.

Healthy means many things. For me, this past year it has meant finding an exercise that I enjoy, and pushing myself to do it everyday. I love biking. This year my love for biking saved me from my depression. It got me outside on days when I didn’t want to get out of bed. It got me in the heart of nature where I could connect back to my soul. It made me feel alive again. Not to mention it helped me lose 50lbs.

I got my eating under control. One night as I was staring down at the bottom of a bag of donuts, eating my pain away, I stopped and I asked myself… what emotion are you eating instead of feeling right now? That was the first night I admitted to myself that I was using eating to hide from my real pain. Once I admitted that to myself, it became a lot harder to sit and eat a whole bag of donuts and feel okay about it.

I should also mention Juice Plus+ in there, but only because I know it made my struggle against food so easy. When I started taking Juice Plus+ and flooding my body with good things, suddenly I didn’t crave sweets anymore. I craved salads. I don’t care how many emotions I can conquer, for me to actually crave healthy food… that is a miracle. Juice Plus+ was my easy button for nutrition, both the capsules and shakes, made getting nutritious food in my body so easy, and for one less struggle that was not so much a struggle… I am so thankful.

Then came sobriety. This was the hard one. This was the truth I wrestled with all year pretending it wasn’t really necessary. Pretending it wasn’t impacting my life negatively. You see alcohol wasn’t affecting my life to a point where it impacted my job, or my ability to function. Drinking wasn’t even something I felt the need to do every week. How could it be a problem if I wasn’t even drinking that much?? How could social drinking be so bad??

It was bad though. It was bad on the nights when I drank and then I let myself text an ex boyfriend. It was bad when I drunkenly drove myself home. It was bad when I didn’t get up and go to meditation class, or go bike, or go do the things that I truly wanted to be doing. Drinking took away my own power from myself.

I guess that’s what this year taught me really. It taught me that the only thing that can get in my way… is myself. It taught me that the only person that can hold me back from greatness… is me. It taught me, that even when I want to pretend to that I can make short cuts work out… that I can’t, and that I’m only postponing my own happiness by trying. This year showed me the value of listening to myself.

That may not be the goal I set out with… but it was the goal that I needed. As I sit here today and think about that… I could not be more grateful to life for stepping in to rearrange my goal this year to something far more valuable than buying a house.

Funny how if the Universe had let me get a property this past year… perhaps I would have missed the real value in that realization of real lesson I was meant to learn through all this. I love when the universe hands you beautiful moments like that. (Although, now that I’ve realized it, we can go ahead and make one of the properties I’m viewing today work out, right??) :p

Thirty was a beautiful year. It was a year of tremendous growth and learning. It was a year that led me closer to who I really am. With that, I have to say I can’t wait for what 31 has in store. I am set up for greatness. I am set up to make my dreams come true. I cannot wait to see where the Universe takes me a year from now… and what wonderfully hard lesson I will finally come to learn before I turn 32. 🙂

Cheers to goals, new directions… and life! ❤

– Christine