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Posts Tagged ‘understanding

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How was your weekend?

Were you highly emotional and perhaps even overly aggressive towards people?

Did you get any gut feelings this weekend that it was time to make a big change in life?

Time to take a stand??

Time to do that thing that you know you should be doing but that you have been making mental excuses as to why you can’t actually do them???

If you can relate to any of the above, you are not alone. This weekend we had a full moon that was the most powerful full moon we will experience this year. It brought forth feelings and emotions that may have caused us to act out, think really hard, or even become super crazy.

Myself? I went through a gambit of emotions and thoughts over the past few days.

Friday morning, after thinking about some of my fears, I decided to research the Fear of Abandonment, as that was one I hadn’t really looked at directly yet. What I found was an article describing seven things that a person with a fear of abandonment will do in a relationship that can push their partner away. Reading that list, I felt as though I was reading a play by play of my last relationship and how I systematically self imploded the whole thing. I mean, I have known that I self destructed in that relationship, that was very clear. But seeing my behavior pin pointed so directly to classic symptoms of the fear of abandonment… just made me so upset. So upset in fact, that I was overwhelmed with extreme emotion the rest of the day. I even had to close my office door at work because I couldn’t stop bawling my eyes out. I think I was mostly upset because it was very clear to me just how hard my ego is willing to go in order to block me from having love in my life. I saw myself in a new light where I was finally able to recognize that the reason I can’t find love is because the more someone tries to love me, the harder my ego will try to push them away and hurt them. For perhaps the first time ever, I saw just how deeply hurt and broken I truly am… and it devastated me.

I did not wallow in this pain though. I cried it out as I also kept telling myself that it’s okay, now I know, and now that I know I can begin to work on that side of myself more. Then I cried some more, because I know I’m at the beginning of a very long road, and well, I’m impatient and the thought of having to take another 2-3 years before I can be capable of truly loving someone is just highly upsetting to me. The psychic I went to see in February did say I would have four more years of being single though, which at the time I thought that sounded a bit dramatic… however, now I get it.

So after a roller coaster of emotions all day Friday I did what I always do when I need some cheering up. I went to a comedy show. I got some much needed laughter in my life, and Friday night I went to bed feeling relatively okay.

Saturday I woke up feeling pretty good. I went to meet up with some friends for brunch, and as I was waiting for them, my mind started focusing on another problem area in my life: my drinking. My problem with drinking is that I lose all ability to maintain self-control when I am drinking. The more I thought about that, I thought about how I also recently became more aware that I have major control issues in my life. Suddenly I realized that I have been using drinking as an excuse to give up control in life, because I am so controlling normally that I don’t know how else to let go. As it goes with situations in life though, because I have refused to acknowledge this problem it has manifested as a bigger and bigger problem in my life, to the point to where now if I even take one sip of alcohol, I automatically give myself permission to go balls to the wall out of control and make extremely unhealthy choices for my life. So as I was sitting and assessing this whole situation, I realized that my real problem is with control in my life, and that’s where I need to start focusing some energy to figure myself out. Another great self realization, however, also another problem I can foresee taking years for me to truly figure out…. yaaayyyyyy.

Then last night I had an interesting dream. In this dream I was decorating and setting up a new home, when suddenly a murderer was breaking in and chasing me and my friends through the neighborhood. At one point, he got me pretty good with a stab wound to my side, which was actually pretty painful. However, the pain didn’t keep me down for long, and towards the end of the dream, I had taken to hunting the murderer myself. I actually tracked down his secret lair, and was in the process of trying to figure out his next move so that I could capture him myself, when I woke up. After I woke up, I googled what it means if you are being chased by a murderer in your dreams. What I found is that the theme of being chased by someone in a dream typically represents some aspect or fear within yourself that you are perhaps running from. Given that interpretation, I found a sliver of hope within my murderous dream. Yes, I have a significant fear of abandonment, and severe control issues… they are the painful stab wound to my side. However, I have now found them out, I recognize them, I have found their secret lair and I can now plot my best plan of attack to finally defeat them! I don’t think it was coincidence that I woke up in the fact finding stage either. That is where I am at in life. I am now aware of my issues, and so it is time that I work to gather the facts and make a plan on how I defeat them going forward. There is hope, and it might take some time, but I feel more confident about my path forward than ever before.

This full moon was indeed a powerful one.

I am so grateful that we live in a Universe full of energetic tides preparing us and pushing us towards our best selves at all times. The Universe wants us to succeed. It is constantly presenting us with opportunities and chances to learn and be better.  However, it is up to notice those opportunities and seize them. This is why I am so into astrology, because it gives us some clues as to what type of energy is swirling about in the Universe at any given moment, and also how we can best apply that energy to our own energetic makeup in order to further our own growth and understanding. It is a truly amazing and powerful tool.

If you are interested in any kind of information about astrology and how you can start using this powerful tool in your life, reach out and let me know. I would love to speak with you and see how I can help.

Thanks for reading everyone, HAPPY MONDAY!!

– Christine

Last night marked the beginning of what I can feel is going to be an incredible journey for my life.

I hosted a Vision Board class in my home last night. For those not familiar, a vision board can be many things, but it’s purpose is to create a concrete visual of the goals, dreams, and energies that you want to attract in your life. When we have something with those things on it, where we can look at it everyday, and remain focused on what it is that we truly want in our lives, it adds to the power and momentum which is required to bring those things to fruition in our lives.

On a whim, a month or so ago, I decided that I wanted to do a vision board class. I honestly didn’t know what to expect, or how it was going to shape up, but I knew that the New Moon brings the perfect energy for manifesting goals and intentions, so I set the class for the next New Moon, created a Facebook event, invited everyone I knew, and waited to see what happened.

As time drew closer I started researching the energy of this specific New Moon, which was in Taurus. Reading about the patient, grounded energy that Taurus brings, and how it can help us to figure out where we really want to focus our time and attention in life, I knew that the class was going to have all of the energy and exact vibes that I was looking for it to create, both for myself, and for others. It truly all came together very nicely.

Teaching the class last night taught me two things about myself: 1) While I have resisted following in my mother’s footsteps of teaching thus far in my life, there IS in fact an inner kindergarten teacher inside of me who absolutely loves to create fun, inspirational, and crafty learning experiences for people. And 2) There is totally an inner guru inside of me who loves explaining the energy currents, leading meditations, and inspiring people to think outside the box.

I’ll be honest, I have so many ideas and dreams about what I want to do in this life, and lately I have been feeling a bit lost as to what it is I TRULY want to do. What is my core mission? What do I want to focus on? I have been asking myself those questions for the past few weeks trying to figure that out. The answer I have been getting is that I want to inspire people. Which, is great, but what does that mean? What does that look like?

Last night I learned what that looks like. It looks like me directing a group of very smart, inspired, forward thinking women on how to work with the current energies of universe in order to best visualize and set their focus and intentions for the month ahead. My strengths lie in three key areas: 1) Socializing/Networking 2) Planning/Organizing and 3) Outside the Box Thinking. When you combine all of those with the goal of wanting to inspire people… you get one bad ass vision board class teacher. 🙂

I definitely don’t think that vision boarding is where this stops either. It is a great class, and I will definitely be doing it again, probably on a monthly basis actually. However, what last night really showed me is that I am on exactly the right track with what I want to do with my life. I felt alive last night in the best way possible. Now all I want is to help everyone else in the world feel that same way, which is exactly what I was put here to do.

I. Can. Not. Wait!!!!

Here are some of the finished products of last night:

Visions

Stay blessed all,

– Christine

 

 

I know I’m getting pretty behind on my daily writing, however, I’ve been stuck in this weird limbo feeling for the past two weeks as I’ve been waiting to hear back on a situation. I don’t want to talk about it until I know it’s really happening, so because I don’t want to talk about it, I’ve basically not been wanting to really talk about anything. That’s a pretty lame excuse for not writing though, so really I just need to stop letting myself get dissuaded by excuses.

As I have mentioned, I am currently taking classes in Kabbalah which help me better understand the mind and the ego. It’s been extremely transformative for me in terms of understanding my own responsibility in all of my reactions to things in life.

More than that, Kabbalah has taught me a deeper understanding for the universe and the fundamental explanation of why we are in the energetic climate that we are currently experiencing, and what I can do personally in order to better humanity.

Check out this week’s post from Kabbalah Student, Billy Phillips. The video at the end absolutely blew my mind, because I not only understood and believed it to be true, but I felt it was true in my soul. The purpose of all of creation and how we achieve utopia and peace on earth is explained in the video. Which to think that we are in the moment in time where this information is now being disseminated to the masses and a global awakening IS in fact happening… is mind blowingly awesome.

The energy of the world right now is slowly shifting towards realization that we are all one, and what we do to another, we do to ourselves. As we become aware of this, it is my belief that we will rapidly see our world shift towards a place centered in love and peace. Love for all our fellow man kind, just as we love ourselves. Those in positions of power who have been driven by greed and corruption for so long will even be converted to love. The power structure currently in place IS coming down. Trust in that, and know that incredible, amazing, things are starting to happen in our world. We are alive during the conscious awakening of the world, and if we focus on our own awakening and learning during this time we will reap incredible benefits and rewards almost immediately within our lives.

Such an incredible time to be alive.

Sit on that information for a minute and then think about what you are doing to discover and unleash your own gifts to the world right now. Is your path rooted in love? Love of self, and love for your fellow man? That is what your aim should be. To live in love, by following the pull of your heart. Heart centered living. This is the only path forward to true happiness in life.

Not sure how you do this? Start by tuning into your heart. Meditate. Quiet your mind. Tune into your heart. This is the starting point for anyone who is ready to start living the best life they can possibly lead. When you quiet your mind and listen, your heart will guide you to the answers that you need.

If you are in the St. Louis area, and would like to learn how to better focus and meditate, I highly recommend checking out this group, SahajaYoga Meditation, they have a great explanation of meditation, followed by a guided meditation. If you regularly attend their classes (which are free!!) they are very helpful in starting one’s journey with meditation.

If you are in another location, you can check out the main website for Sahaja Yoga Meditation to locate groups worldwide. Classes are free everywhere, as the founder of SahajaYoga, Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi says, “Truth cannot be sold, it cannot be purchased”, it is just to be experienced and enjoyed.

Enjoy the truth my friends. Connect with your inner divinity, and live from your heart.

God bless,

– Christine

 

When I am present in any given moment, I notice everything in that moment.

I notice the sounds around me, and what they are telling me about the positioning of all who are in motion around me.

I notice the subtle shift of knowing vs. curiosity in people’s eyes when I talk to them.

I notice the deliberate placement of someone’s gaze vs the haphazard wandering of a thoughtless stare.

I notice the thought that is forming in a person’s mind behind the facade of their inactive listening.

I notice the collective energy vibes of a room, and who is influencing those vibes the most.

I notice the endless depth behind the quietest people… and their silent acknowledgement of my knowing of their secret brilliance when our eyes meet and briefly pierce each other’s souls.

I notice the awkward dance that rests in the air between two people who can’t quite seem to figure out the connection between them.

I notice the subtle change of attitude that some feel necessary to use to distract others when they sense someone is becoming too close.

I notice the little things that people do and the little things they used to do.

I notice when your soul isn’t into something any more.

I notice both the calm and the erratic levels that people are vibing at, based on the zen of the air around them.

I notice when you enter a room, and when you leave it.

I notice you silently working up the courage to speak words to that person you’re really into… especially if that person is me.

I notice people who are turning on the charm vs. those who are naturally charming.

I notice those who are aware consciously aware of the fifth dimension, and those who will never quite grasp it.

I notice when you have ulterior motives behind the words coming out of your mouth.

I notice when you are lying.

I notice when you are trying to manipulate someone into thinking your idea is their idea.

I notice your level of confidence by combining the total of your words, your actions, and your silence.

I notice the subtlety of almost everything.

I notice things because I’m intuitive, perceptive, and judgmental. I’ve developed an ego of kindness which lends itself to being a people pleaser, and as such, I learned very early on to pay close attention to people, and all they were saying and not saying, so that I could use that knowledge to get what I wanted from them or the situation, all while making them think my interest is because I only have their best interest at heart. This is not to say that I don’t have their best interest at heart many times, however, self preservation is most always the name of the game.

It’s lonely at times… noticing everything about everyone… while mostly just wanting someone to notice me… and that I am not really what I pretend to be. I long for someone that looks at me in amazement of all the things I can clearly see, with a knowing that they will never quite be able to figure me out. Which may sound tiresome to most, but I’ve learned my best matches are the ones who love the randomness of my ever changing mind. To those few… the reward is the essence of my free spirited heart. For inside the layers of my brilliant mind, is a simple, fun loving girl, with a curiosity as fierce as the winds of a hurricane… that just wants to laugh and play, and make the most of this playground that is our world. A girl who wants to live at the highest levels of consciousness, where nothing of this world can be taken for granted, as it all serves a divine purpose for our chosen path of learning in life. Her, who will simply always want to be watching and be reveling in the orchestra of life… everyday that she is alive.

So… would you like to take notice with me?

– Christine

 

That’s right!! TURNS OUT, I’VE BEEN DUPED!! Conned by the ass man, into unnecessary ass surgery!! The outrage!!!! DISREGARD all my previous hemorrhoid advice, and listen up to this…

This past Sunday I was over at my grandparents house having lunch when the topic of my recent hemorrhoid debacle came up. After listening to my whole tale, my grandpa tells me how he has had problems with hemorrhoids throughout life, and even had a surgeon tell him once that he needed to have surgery as well. However, my grandpa, being the smart man that he is, decided to check around for other options, and when he did, his relatives pointed him in the direction of just getting some prescription strength cortisone in order to clear it up. So he got some of the cream, and sure enough the hemorrhoid cleared itself up in a few weeks.

As he was telling me this, slowly, I start to realize the whole plot of how my doctor had conned me into signing off on surgery without ever questioning if there was a different option. You see from the minute I first called his office and told his staff what was going on, they started preparing me for the fact that surgery was MOST LIKELY the only thing they could do. Which, to be honest, after much researching on the internet, I had already pretty much came to that conclusion myself, which is why I was even calling them to begin with, but I was hoping that wasn’t the case. They even told me they could do surgery the day of my initial appointment, all I needed to do was bring someone with me to drive me home. They made it soooo easy.

Mind you, at this point, I’ve been in rather unbearable pain for about a month. The idea of having surgery didn’t scare me at all if it meant that I would be able to sit comfortably again. Plus, I have had so many surgeries in my life, that it’s not something I really think twice about, I was their perfect ponzy!!

So then when I got to the doctor’s office for the initial visit, he examined me, and stated what he saw, but he was very vague on what to do. Which now, looking back, I know is because he couldn’t out right say that I needed surgery, I had to say I wanted surgery. Which I did, after he vaguely alluded to that being my only option to get rid of the problem. HOWEVER, had I known that cortisone cream would shrink the thing up and make it go away within a few weeks, I GLADLY WOULD HAVE DONE THAT OVER THE OPTION OF SPENDING $1,000 DOLLARS TO HAVE MY BUTT CUT OPEN.

Is it my fault for not asking more questions? Absolutely. However, the ass man did everything he could short of telling me I needed to have surgery, to get me in the mindset that this surgery was my only option for relief. That is what pisses me off the most about the whole thing, is that this doctor knows what he is doing. He has set up his practice in order to lead all of his patients to the conclusion that surgery is their only option, without ever actually saying that.

After realizing all of this Sunday, I was quite enraged. Both at myself and the doctor. So at my follow up appointment this week, I couldn’t contain myself from calling out his whole charade to his face. Which I did so in fairly respectful manner, I mean I didn’t outright call him a con artist like I wanted to, and I did admit that I knew it was my own fault for not asking more questions. However, I wasn’t about to sit there and not let him know I saw right through his whole vague doctor charade. So I confronted him and told him I felt like his whole staff had basically put the idea in my head that surgery was my only option from the minute I called them, and that I felt that his vagueness about the repercussions of the surgery all pointed to the fact that he was clearly on a mission to get people to think that surgery was their only and best option because that is how he can make the most money. Which as soon as I said that he busted out more vague theatrics, and even pulled out a few diagrams to try to distract me with. I stayed straight faced as he continued to pull out 2-3 different visuals trying to make himself seem like he wasn’t a money grubber. As he finished, his visual charade parade, I told him none of it really matters, he already got my money, it is what it is. Then I told him to prescribe me some prescription cortisone with 6 refills on it because I never wanted to have to come back to his office again… and he did.

Coincidentally, I recently learned that one of the lessons I need to learn in life is to respect money. THIS whole situation was a very clear representation of that lesson, because had I cared more about the money that it was going to cost to have surgery, then the more likely I would have been to of asked about alternative options.

WELP, LESSON LEARNED. IN THE VERY HARD, SPLIT YOU UP THE ASS, KIND OF WAY.

Stay vigilant kids, and question everything!!!!!

– Christine

 

Last night I attended a local meeting on Climate Change, put on by local activist groups Indivisible St. Louis and Citizens Climate Lobby, to help lay out a plan for people on the best ways to go about contacting Congress, and also to brainstorm ideas on solutions for Climate Change. Their last meeting that was held in December, which I did not attend, had 6-10 people at it. The meeting last night had well over 100 people in attendance. A lot has changed from December to now, and I suppose a lot more people see that the unless we stand up for our planet, our government will not.

The meeting was extremely informative. It included first a National Geographic Video clip from the an episode of the show Living Dangerously, which followed Actor Bradley Whitford as he set out on a mission to lobby for Climate Change. In the video we were introduced to Jay Buterra, a long time lobbyist of Climate Change who has been on a mission to convert the Republican party to a group of climate change believers, one member of Congress at a time. Buterra has slowly created a Bi-Partisan Caucus on Climate Change. Jay started with the governor of Florida, as it’s slowly sinking state feels the effects of climate change the most right now, and slowly he has gotten 22 other Republican party members to agree to join the group to lobby Congress to pass a bill stating that Climate Change is real. (Which is ludicrous that Republicans are still denying this is real, but our government is slow to acknowledge and adapt new ideas, which is exactly why this group is slowly making history by converting the party one Congress member at a time.)

The clip of the show, was certainly eye opening, however, after watching the video the group had also had arranged for a live Face Time meeting with Jay Buterra where he addressed some of the issues in more depth, and also gave us all great direction on how to effectively influence Congress. Some of the takeaways I got from the meeting include:

  • Fact: Your voice matters! Congress is coming around to admitting that Climate Change is real, however, their biggest excuse is that they do not hear from their constituents about it enough, so it’s easy for them to say people don’t really care about it.
    Resolution:  We all need to be contacting our members of Congress regularly about the issues that we care about. Our voices matter, but we must use them!! One phone call, or one letter, or one tweet, is not going to do anything either. We need to be constant and persistent. Set a reminder each week and repeat your method of contact weekly to enforce the fact that you really care. This is in regards to whatever issue you are taking up with Congress.
  • Fact: You cannot effectively lobby for all the injustices that are happening right now at once. If you try to be involved in every movement, and every protest, you will be spreading yourself to thin and therefore making all of your efforts less effective.
    Resolution: Pick one thing that you are truly passionate about changing, and put all of your effort into that one thing. Educate yourself to the max on it. Know not only your reasons as why you believe it is necessary, but understand the views of the opposition as well. The only way you can effectively speak to those with opposing views in a manner that may change their mind, is to understand where they are coming from first. When you focus on one thing,  you can accomplish much more towards change than if you are splitting your attention between multiple causes and not really doing a great job at any one of them. Pick one thing, and do it well.
  • Fact: You will not change minds with hate, anger, or Facebook rants. That is a fact. These things only serve to bring y our energy down, and therefore bring down the energy of those around you.
    Resolution: Focus on the positive!! In the instance of Climate Change instead of focusing on how terrible the oil industry is, they suggested we focus on the positives of how many jobs updating our country’s energy infrastructure would bring. Right now, our current power grid cannot handle the massive energy that could be generated in America by adding more wind farms, so in order to prepare for clean energy we need to update America’s power grid, which not only creates jobs, but it also creates a safer, less vulnerable, energy grid for America. Focusing on the good things that will come about from the change that you want will go along way to creating actual change in people’s minds.
  • Fact: Your voice does matter! This one was so important I feel like it needs to be said twice. Many people make comments like “Well I would have done something, but I know my state is heavily Conservative/Republican so me doing anything isn’t going to matter anyways.”
    Resolution: DO NOT BECOME DISILLUSIONED AND THINK THAT YOUR VOICE DOES NOT MATTER!!! It does. The minute you think that you can’t make a difference is the minute the other side wins. They want people to feel like this so it suppresses people from even trying. The truth is, we the people, have a lot more power than we can even imagine.

There are so many different ways to go about being involved in a movement. There was a guy who stood up last night to mention that he likes to create puppets, and he is looking for help to create political puppets that he could do skits with to spread the message with. I thought that was so cool! This guy loves puppets, and so he wants to use that to inspire change! It showed me that you can really take whatever innate talents and abilities that you enjoy and apply those things to creating change. The sky is the limit when we exercise our creativity! Who knows, maybe someone who would never care about an issue sees a puppet show one day on climate change, and THAT is the thing that helps them finally understand the issue and want to help make a change.

Last night, for the first time since the election, I felt a sense of hope about our country. Being in a room full of people who were just as upset and passionate as I am about what is happening here, assured me I am far from alone in this fight. The truth is, many people are not happy about what is going on. Many people have not been happy for a long time, but it took a situation like President Trump to make people understand that the only way we can change anything is by actually being involved. That is when the magic happens. When Americans get involved with their politicians and government and remind them who they work for. We have become complacent as a country, where for many of us, getting involved in politics is the last thing we ever wanted to do. That mentality has to change though. We all must stand up together, and fight for our freedoms. We all must make our voices heard.

Find your cause, dive in, and make a difference. Our country, this world, needs you now more than ever!

God bless,

– Christine

 

In case you missed the message of my last post, we are all slowly starting to realize that we are not actually free. So what does that mean? It means we are the forefront of a revolution. A revolution of consciousness. Man has created a network that was meant to enslave the masses. Man started with good intention, and built a world that created a world which has brought us to this moment. Which was quite far. However, man could only take us so far before his dominant quest to conquer the world turned into what we now see today. A world of chaos and disorder. A country divided. A world that doesn’t know how to love. This is the moment… where the consciousness steps in, and wakes us up, all of us, Finally.

If you are paying attention, and listening to your soul, you feel this. You know that our government is no longer serving the people, we can see this as our President signs orders that directly violate our constitution. You know that when hate, corruption, and greed, drive all of our policies.You know it when they try to take away science and reason. Meditation is no longer just something hippies do, no, it’s something people of intelligence do. Spirituality no longer means that you must answer to a religion, no, it means you are getting in touch with your inner guide. Our understanding of the system of oppression is changing as we are starting to open our eyes and see what is really going on. We are oppressed. WE are not FREE.

However, we do have rights. We have inalienable rights guaranteed by our forefathers, who set out with pure intentions in their heart to make this the land of the free, and home of the brave, because without courage and bravery in the face of the scary and unknown… we will not be free.

This was always part of the plan. The world works on a system of balance. We are at the edge of destruction… but do not fear. The creator, God, the Beauty of the Universe and it’s grand balancing scales, are about to be reset.

We are now consciously aware of the power struggle that is going on at an elite level, as we can see it loud and clear living out right now in our day to day lives of chaos and disunity.

This must change.

This change requires our conscious participation.

This change does not require violence, it requires peace, and calm.

This change requires people to understand their own limitations that have been holding them back in life, and thus depriving this world of their precious gifts and talents.

This change requires us to admit our own faults, and agree to work on them.

This change happens… when we all work on ourselves.

This change happens when we resolve all of our own issues within and return to being spiritual beings capable of radiating light and love.

As we heal ourselves, as we look within and advance our own consciousness, the consciousness of our world, will follow.

This is our path forward. Global conscious awareness is the next phase of man kind. As we usher in the ultimate all knowing beings that reside within each of us… then that is when we achieve peace on Earth.

We are at an incredible time of human life.

The Enlightenment Period.

How. Fucking. Cool.

– Christine