StLSass

Posts Tagged ‘understanding ego

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How was your weekend?

Were you highly emotional and perhaps even overly aggressive towards people?

Did you get any gut feelings this weekend that it was time to make a big change in life?

Time to take a stand??

Time to do that thing that you know you should be doing but that you have been making mental excuses as to why you can’t actually do them???

If you can relate to any of the above, you are not alone. This weekend we had a full moon that was the most powerful full moon we will experience this year. It brought forth feelings and emotions that may have caused us to act out, think really hard, or even become super crazy.

Myself? I went through a gambit of emotions and thoughts over the past few days.

Friday morning, after thinking about some of my fears, I decided to research the Fear of Abandonment, as that was one I hadn’t really looked at directly yet. What I found was an article describing seven things that a person with a fear of abandonment will do in a relationship that can push their partner away. Reading that list, I felt as though I was reading a play by play of my last relationship and how I systematically self imploded the whole thing. I mean, I have known that I self destructed in that relationship, that was very clear. But seeing my behavior pin pointed so directly to classic symptoms of the fear of abandonment… just made me so upset. So upset in fact, that I was overwhelmed with extreme emotion the rest of the day. I even had to close my office door at work because I couldn’t stop bawling my eyes out. I think I was mostly upset because it was very clear to me just how hard my ego is willing to go in order to block me from having love in my life. I saw myself in a new light where I was finally able to recognize that the reason I can’t find love is because the more someone tries to love me, the harder my ego will try to push them away and hurt them. For perhaps the first time ever, I saw just how deeply hurt and broken I truly am… and it devastated me.

I did not wallow in this pain though. I cried it out as I also kept telling myself that it’s okay, now I know, and now that I know I can begin to work on that side of myself more. Then I cried some more, because I know I’m at the beginning of a very long road, and well, I’m impatient and the thought of having to take another 2-3 years before I can be capable of truly loving someone is just highly upsetting to me. The psychic I went to see in February did say I would have four more years of being single though, which at the time I thought that sounded a bit dramatic… however, now I get it.

So after a roller coaster of emotions all day Friday I did what I always do when I need some cheering up. I went to a comedy show. I got some much needed laughter in my life, and Friday night I went to bed feeling relatively okay.

Saturday I woke up feeling pretty good. I went to meet up with some friends for brunch, and as I was waiting for them, my mind started focusing on another problem area in my life: my drinking. My problem with drinking is that I lose all ability to maintain self-control when I am drinking. The more I thought about that, I thought about how I also recently became more aware that I have major control issues in my life. Suddenly I realized that I have been using drinking as an excuse to give up control in life, because I am so controlling normally that I don’t know how else to let go. As it goes with situations in life though, because I have refused to acknowledge this problem it has manifested as a bigger and bigger problem in my life, to the point to where now if I even take one sip of alcohol, I automatically give myself permission to go balls to the wall out of control and make extremely unhealthy choices for my life. So as I was sitting and assessing this whole situation, I realized that my real problem is with control in my life, and that’s where I need to start focusing some energy to figure myself out. Another great self realization, however, also another problem I can foresee taking years for me to truly figure out…. yaaayyyyyy.

Then last night I had an interesting dream. In this dream I was decorating and setting up a new home, when suddenly a murderer was breaking in and chasing me and my friends through the neighborhood. At one point, he got me pretty good with a stab wound to my side, which was actually pretty painful. However, the pain didn’t keep me down for long, and towards the end of the dream, I had taken to hunting the murderer myself. I actually tracked down his secret lair, and was in the process of trying to figure out his next move so that I could capture him myself, when I woke up. After I woke up, I googled what it means if you are being chased by a murderer in your dreams. What I found is that the theme of being chased by someone in a dream typically represents some aspect or fear within yourself that you are perhaps running from. Given that interpretation, I found a sliver of hope within my murderous dream. Yes, I have a significant fear of abandonment, and severe control issues… they are the painful stab wound to my side. However, I have now found them out, I recognize them, I have found their secret lair and I can now plot my best plan of attack to finally defeat them! I don’t think it was coincidence that I woke up in the fact finding stage either. That is where I am at in life. I am now aware of my issues, and so it is time that I work to gather the facts and make a plan on how I defeat them going forward. There is hope, and it might take some time, but I feel more confident about my path forward than ever before.

This full moon was indeed a powerful one.

I am so grateful that we live in a Universe full of energetic tides preparing us and pushing us towards our best selves at all times. The Universe wants us to succeed. It is constantly presenting us with opportunities and chances to learn and be better.  However, it is up to notice those opportunities and seize them. This is why I am so into astrology, because it gives us some clues as to what type of energy is swirling about in the Universe at any given moment, and also how we can best apply that energy to our own energetic makeup in order to further our own growth and understanding. It is a truly amazing and powerful tool.

If you are interested in any kind of information about astrology and how you can start using this powerful tool in your life, reach out and let me know. I would love to speak with you and see how I can help.

Thanks for reading everyone, HAPPY MONDAY!!

– Christine

When I am present in any given moment, I notice everything in that moment.

I notice the sounds around me, and what they are telling me about the positioning of all who are in motion around me.

I notice the subtle shift of knowing vs. curiosity in people’s eyes when I talk to them.

I notice the deliberate placement of someone’s gaze vs the haphazard wandering of a thoughtless stare.

I notice the thought that is forming in a person’s mind behind the facade of their inactive listening.

I notice the collective energy vibes of a room, and who is influencing those vibes the most.

I notice the endless depth behind the quietest people… and their silent acknowledgement of my knowing of their secret brilliance when our eyes meet and briefly pierce each other’s souls.

I notice the awkward dance that rests in the air between two people who can’t quite seem to figure out the connection between them.

I notice the subtle change of attitude that some feel necessary to use to distract others when they sense someone is becoming too close.

I notice the little things that people do and the little things they used to do.

I notice when your soul isn’t into something any more.

I notice both the calm and the erratic levels that people are vibing at, based on the zen of the air around them.

I notice when you enter a room, and when you leave it.

I notice you silently working up the courage to speak words to that person you’re really into… especially if that person is me.

I notice people who are turning on the charm vs. those who are naturally charming.

I notice those who are aware consciously aware of the fifth dimension, and those who will never quite grasp it.

I notice when you have ulterior motives behind the words coming out of your mouth.

I notice when you are lying.

I notice when you are trying to manipulate someone into thinking your idea is their idea.

I notice your level of confidence by combining the total of your words, your actions, and your silence.

I notice the subtlety of almost everything.

I notice things because I’m intuitive, perceptive, and judgmental. I’ve developed an ego of kindness which lends itself to being a people pleaser, and as such, I learned very early on to pay close attention to people, and all they were saying and not saying, so that I could use that knowledge to get what I wanted from them or the situation, all while making them think my interest is because I only have their best interest at heart. This is not to say that I don’t have their best interest at heart many times, however, self preservation is most always the name of the game.

It’s lonely at times… noticing everything about everyone… while mostly just wanting someone to notice me… and that I am not really what I pretend to be. I long for someone that looks at me in amazement of all the things I can clearly see, with a knowing that they will never quite be able to figure me out. Which may sound tiresome to most, but I’ve learned my best matches are the ones who love the randomness of my ever changing mind. To those few… the reward is the essence of my free spirited heart. For inside the layers of my brilliant mind, is a simple, fun loving girl, with a curiosity as fierce as the winds of a hurricane… that just wants to laugh and play, and make the most of this playground that is our world. A girl who wants to live at the highest levels of consciousness, where nothing of this world can be taken for granted, as it all serves a divine purpose for our chosen path of learning in life. Her, who will simply always want to be watching and be reveling in the orchestra of life… everyday that she is alive.

So… would you like to take notice with me?

– Christine

 

Two to three years ago I downloaded a daily horoscope app on my phone. I had always been intrigued by astrology and horoscopes and I wanted a way to check mine more regularly. I never took my horoscope all that seriously. I more saw it as a heads up on the energy that was coming my way on any given day. After a year of reading my horoscope almost daily, I could confidently say that I truly believed in the accuracy of what I was reading. It wasn’t an exact science, but what I read everyday always seemed to fall in line with the general air of energy that I was feeling. It was my little way of making sure I was staying on track with what the universe was sending my way I guess. Today, it is not only something I have come to believe in, but as I have learned more about astrology in general, it is something that I have come to advise people about regularly, as its something I believe can help everyone. So I wanted to take a minute to explain what I know about this, and provide some understanding around it, so that perhaps next time I mention something about the energy of the universe to any of you, you won’t look at me like I have three heads.

The basics: There are twelve zodiac signs. Each zodiac sign has specific characteristics that people of that sign display. I’m an Aquarius. I am highly independent, passionate for the truth, idealistic, intellectual, and very outgoing. Your main zodiac sign, your sun sign, is determined by your day of birth. Your sun sign is the type of energy that follows you on a long yearly type basis. Meaning that it is the overarching energy vibe that is ever present in your life. However, many of you may be surprised to learn that you have a second sign, your rising sign, which is determined by the time of day you were born. I was born at 9:02 AM, which makes me Pisces rising. Your rising sign is the energy you tend to align more with on a daily basis, typically it is the energy that is adopted by your ego. Many times people will read their horoscope based on their sun sign and think that doesn’t really align with them, and what I have come to realize is that the more you lead with your ego, the more you actually align with your rising sign, than your sun sign.

As in life, living from  your true self and not your ego, is something that takes practice and understanding to really be able to do. Once I understood the energy of my ego was Pisces, that helped me to better understand that side of myself. As an Aquarius I am someone who is always in pursuit of the truth, however, my ego, tends to be secretive. This is because unlike most Aquarius, I have a lot of Pisces in me, and Pisces tend to not only be highly emotional, but they also keep their emotions hidden. For me this resulted in my ego getting very good at hiding my out of control emotions, and therefore coming off as a secretive.

Have I lost you yet? Hope not!

So you have two signs, okay what else? Well you also have a lot of various signs in you depending on when you were born. In addition to Aquarius and Pisces, I also have a lot of Scorpio in my chart. What is this chart I am speaking of? Well it looks like this:

astrology

In the middle is earth. Around the edges you have the twelve signs of the zodiac. The points all correspond to the planets. So when we say Mars is in Capricorn, that means Mars is aligned with the sign of Capricorn. Each planet has an energy vibe to it. Each sign has its energy vibe to it. Depending on which planets are aligned with which signs on any given day, determines the energy waves that we are receiving here on earth. Thus, that is how daily astrological energy is determined. Side note: Planets moving in retrograde mean that the planet is moving backwards (at least in respect to its position to Earth), planets moving non-retrograde are said to be moving direct.

That is the basic extent of what I have learned thus far in astrology, but simply understanding my own signs helped me understand myself and my ego tremendously. Understanding the positioning of daily energy forces is what I generally talk about with people when I advise on the type of energy we are experiencing as a planet.

Currently, we are in a time frame of tremendously powerful energy. All planets are moving direct until February 6th. Which means that we are receiving positive energy from all of the planets right now. This is bringing boosts of extreme clarity and positive motivation to us. This is a time frame where HUGE miracles can happen. We are able to understand ourselves and what we want better than we have been able to for months. It’s like the fog is lifted. So take advantage!! If you have strong feelings about something you think you need to do in your life right now, but it’s a big change, or seems kind of crazy… trust yourself!! The universe is aligning and giving us the courage to do the impossible right now. If you think you can, then you can! Make those plans, set those crazy goals, and do it!! This is no time for letting fear hold you back.

To conclude, I want to leave you with some websites that will help you learn more about your signs, your energy, and the daily energy of the universe.

To calculate your rising sign, you can go here. If you don’t know  your birth hour, you won’t be able to find this out though. If it’s not on  your birth certificate, ask your parents if they remember.

For a reading of your birth chart, meaning the picture above but what it was the day you were born, and an explanation of what each planet within each house of each sign means in terms of your energy make up, visit this site. This site will generate your report, and give you a full report, which also does a good job of explaining what each house means in general and then specifically for you as well. If your time of birth is unknown, just use 12:00 AM. It won’t be exact, but it will be close.

For an explanation of the daily energy out there in the Universe, I follow daily_astrol0gy_ on instagram. She is awesome, and while she doesn’t always get a chance to post daily, her insights are incredible and always leave me feeling very prepared on how to face the day or coming days.

So that’s Astrology 101, a crash course in the basics. If you have questions, feel free to ask me, and I will do my best to give an answer. I truly believe that understanding your own chart, and the daily vibes of the universe, are very beneficial tools to us all in life. I hope you have enjoyed!

Stay blessed my celestial star friends!

– Christine