StLSass

Posts Tagged ‘sexuality

2017.

What a year it has been. I’m already getting chills just thinking about this year. <Deep Breath> What a year, indeed.

I started this year by creating a Vision Board to chart out my biggest goals. Goals that at the time were just mere thoughts, ideas, hopes, prayers really. My three main goals were: Buy a house, Start a business, and Find a Rock Solid Love. Supporting goals around those ideas included: Conquering my addictions, Improving my self-esteem, Seeing beyond the limits of my ego, being fearless, Finishing What I Start, and last, but certainly not least, Healing.

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I had no real expectations.

I knew I was going to buy a house, but the search up until that point had been long and very tedious. I had looked at so many houses, and none of them felt right. When I created my vision board I was drawn to these pictures of a home with these crisp white walls. They seemed simple and elegant, they resonated with my soul, so onto the board they went. Three weeks into the year, the day of my thirty first birthday, I walked into a house, and as I was looking around a peaceful knowing came over my soul, this was my home. I didn’t pick up on it in that moment, but later on I was looking at my vision board, when it clicked. The house, my house, was full of tall, white, and simply elegant walls. My soul knew what I wanted all along, and through my vision board, it was able to show me exactly what that was.

Across the middle of my vision board I had created a large cutout of the word Entrepreneur. Again, I didn’t really know what that looked like, or what it meant for me, but onto the board it went for life to sort it all out. This one wasn’t as easy though. I struggled trying to figure out what business was really right for me. In March I created an LLC to do some side recruiting through. Recruiting is what I know, it’s what I’m good at, so it made sense that I create a business around that. Or did it?

A friend and former colleague of mine also started recruiting for himself about the same time. Except he was really going for it. We conversed a lot about how to go about the business, the ins and outs of taxes, legalities, contracts, etc. It didn’t take long for me to notice… that I really didn’t care about my business the way that he cared about his. It didn’t motivate me. It didn’t inspire me. That was a problem. That was a big problem.

In early March, I went to a talk by Derek Loudermilk that was called “Live the Life of your Dreams: The Top 10 Ways To Earn Money Online And Travel The World”. I was very intrigued by the message in Derek’s talk. He talked about various ways to make money through blogging, speaking, pod casting, coaching, and even creating and marketing online courses. These were all things that heavily piqued my interest. I already had a blog, I was always signing up for other people’s online life courses, and to imagine myself out giving a speech somewhere someday, possibly even a Ted talk… sent chills down my spine. This was what I wanted to do, this was the life of my dreams!!

The day after going to Derek’s talk, I got a random idea to host a Vision Board Class. I didn’t know what it would look like, or who would even want to attend, but I knew the New Moon was coming up and that was the best day of the month to plant an intention, so I created a Facebook event for the April New Moon, and hoped for the best. The night of my class, I had four girlfriends that came over. As soon as I saw the group of ladies that I would have, my heart felt so full, and so right. These were all women that I respected tremendously, who were all working hard at figuring out their own goals, and whom I knew that this class could truly help within their pursuits. It was an amazing and inspiring night.

A few weeks later, I set up a call with this Derek Loudermilk character. At the end of his talk, he had passed around a sign up sheet offering a free consultation to anyone there who wanted to talk. After seeing how inspiring my vision board class was, I wanted to talk to him and get his opinion on what kind of business I should potentially create. My one hour call turned into three hours, as Derek helped me work my way through some of my own self limiting blocks and beliefs that no one else in my life had been bold enough to call me out about to my face. My ego didn’t like him… which is exactly why my soul hired him right then and there. Working with Derek was a big financial commitment though, and again, my ego wasn’t totally on board. So I postponed our first official meeting until July so I would have enough time to wrap my ego and my brain around how the hell I was actually going to pay for him.

When I moved into my house, in the back of my mind, I had this idea that I could rent part of my it out on AirBNB. I knew I didn’t want permanent roommates, but I was totally okay with temporary guests, and even welcomed the thought of playing host to out of towners. So, with two months to secure my financial stability, and make sure I could really afford the commitment I had made, I went to work! I spent June and July getting beds, sheets, towels, and more, to turn my house into a real BNB. It was a lot of work, but it felt good, it felt right, and most of all it made me feel alive.

My first meeting with Derek came mid July. He was curious why I hadn’t posted my BNB yet. It wasn’t ready, it wasn’t perfect, I didn’t have pictures, I didn’t have a system figured out, I needed more time! My perfectionism needed more time. Derek challenged my objections though and pushed me to get the house listed by August 1st. Now my perfectionism had a choice: post it as it was… which wasn’t totally perfect, or fail to meet my first goal. I wasn’t about to be a failure, so I gave in and decided it was good enough to post. I listed the house on August 1st, my first guests checked in on August 5th. I was terrified. They were 5 kids from the UK who were finishing up a stint at a Summer Camp and had 5 days to kill in St. Louis before returning home. They had never used AirBNB, and were pretty much as clueless as I was about how exactly it was going to go. So we learned together. I learned that having house rules were important. They learned that eating your hosts food is a big no no. Lol. We had fun. Within my first month on AirBNB I made enough to pay my commitment to Derek, and still had extra to cover all my utilities. Every month since I have made enough to continue to cover my coaching costs and my most of utilities as well.

Dream Count
Soul: 1   Ego: 0

AirBNB wasn’t my end game though, that was simply one branch of the tree. My vision board class was another branch. My blog a third branch. Astrology, a passion of mine that was quickly becoming very useful to me, I knew would factor into this tree as well. While we’re on passions, there is also the topic of my comedy and storytelling, where do these fit in on my tree? Ahh, those go into the speaker branch. You know that dream of giving a TED talk that sent chills down my spine after Derek’s first talk? Yes, that is an important branch indeed. What else? Hmmm… Well, what I really want is to be someone’s Derek, calling out people’s ego’s and making them see how the only thing that is limiting them… is themselves. The more I got into astrology, and understanding my own innate talents and gifts, the more I have come to accept that this is actually something that I am very good at. I can see the bigger picture very clearly, and I’m great at meeting people on their level and talking to them in a way where they instinctively know they can trust me, and know that I have their best interests at heart. Which I do, and which is why being a coach is exactly what I need to be doing.

Dream Count
Soul: 6   Ego: 0

This year I figured out my dreams, and I learned to believe in myself enough to make them happen. Which, if that isn’t the truest definition of an Entrepreneur, then I don’t know what is.

So what about that third goal, a rock solid love? Those who know me well, know that love has been a struggle for me my entire life. Not for lack of trying, and not for a lack of suitors though, no, my struggle with love has always been with my ability to love myself. Until this year, until Derek called my ego out, and showed me how my thoughts and my words shaped this entire unlovable persona that I thought I was, I never really admitted that I didn’t love myself. When in fact, I didn’t just not love myself, but my self hatred ran quite deep. This was because I had deep hurts, deep wounds, deep pain, that I had never really acknowledged. I was always quite content to just always keep pretending I was fine. I saw no value in recognizing these things. In fact, it made me angry to even think about it. Well, it made my ego angry. You see, my ego, is the perfectionist, and for it to acknowledge my own imperfection made it quite hostile. I spent many nights this year alone in my home, quite literally screaming through that anger. Digging into it, understanding it, processing it, and thankfully slowly letting it go. Little by little, as I have let my anger go, as I have learned to understand the why behind my heavy emotions, I have slowly learned to love the imperfect woman that was beneath all of that hate. I have learned to love her something quite fierce actually. She is strong. She is kind. She is wise beyond her years. She is quite simply incredible. I can say all of that without hesitation now, because she IS the rock solid love I have been so desperately looking for.

Let’s go back to those vision board goals again: Buy a house (I  moved into my house on 3/17), Start a business (Achieved on 4/7, and again on 8/1, and again on 12/4.. and again and again and again), and Find a Rock Solid Love (All year long baby). Supporting goals around those ideas included: Conquering my addictions (I was sober 1/1 – 5/4, drank like a fish in May, realized why I got sober again by June, and have only let myself have wine ever since), Improving my self-esteem (Self love all day), Seeing beyond the limits of my ego (thank you Derek), being fearless (DOING ALL OF THIS REQUIRED ME TO BE MORE FEARLESS THAN I HAVE EVER KNOWN), Finishing What I Start (AirBNB), and last, but certainly not least, Healing (Working through anger, working through pain, coming out full of self love on the other side).

Wow.

2017… you changed my life.

It all started with a vision, a prayer, a hope. That is really all you ever really need. The Universe will always conspire to take care of the rest. 🙂

Sending you all so much love and light, as always,

– Christine

P.S. If you are in the St. Louis area, join me Sunday December 17th from 2-5 PM for my next vision board class! Come plant YOUR dream seeds for 2018!!

 

 

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siestakey2017

I don’t know about you, but for me, August was jam packed with stuff. Work was crazy, my house was busy (Oh, I am renting my house on AirBNB now, check it out!), and there was also no shortage of relationship insights and revelations via the men in my life.

I spent the last week in Florida with my family, enjoying the ocean air and sun, and after such a jam packed month… I spent the week reveling in disconnecting from all my responsibilities and tasks, and let myself enjoy not having to do a damn thing if I didn’t want to. It was great.

However, as the month wraps up, I am back at work this week, back on the mental grind of figuring out where I am steering this ship that is my life, and back at this game of trying to force myself to write.

I believe more than anything what I am taking away from this busy month (which was also jam packed with celestial energy, pushing us all to new heights of self growth revelations), is the gift of being present in each moment. Mentally, I often find myself dwelling in the past, or worrying about the future, yet, this month which so much going on, I was forced to focus on the present moment more than normal, which was good. It was a bit foreign to me though. I didn’t fully embrace the present moment for all that it could have offered. Looking back on several moments, I can see that my relationships and connections may have stood to gain more meaning had I opened myself up in certain situations.

I react instinctively to so many situations, with a set response or reaction, that has just been my go to response for so very long, that I rarely look at each situation in the present moment to recognize the uniqueness of this situation and appreciate it for what it is. Later, as I sit and reflect, I will often see how I missed out in the moment because I didn’t see it for what it truly was. I live in a land of assumptions, which I now see are keeping me from living more fully in the present. So, as this past eclipse brings with it the strong energy of change and the ability to see ourselves and our flaws more clearly, I can now see the impact that living a more present life could have for me… and I am excited to push myself in this area of growth.

For me personally, the eclipse, which was on the 28 degree of Leo, falls into the 8th House in my birth chart. The 8th house rules sexuality, commitments, intimacy, and metamorphosis. What this means, is that for the next 6 months (as we continue to soak in the full effect of the eclipse for 6 months), if I focus on those areas I will be able to see my inherent flaws in these areas with much more clarity, thereby giving me a greater ability to change them. With realizing the effects of my challenges with assumptions and being present, I can already see the potential positive effects that this period of change will bring to my life. Because of this… I do see that I may be more reclusive over the next 6 months. Saving more time for myself, to better understand my challenges in these areas, and also investing more of myself into the interactions that I do have with people… which will end up taking more out of me, and thereby leaving me more selective about whom I spend my time with.

These are the insights that this powerful and busy month has left me with, and if you don’t see me out as much in the next few months, this is why.

It is a very powerful time right now for transformation. Take some time to look at your life, and see how the flaws in your mental thought process may be holding you back. The Universe is conspiring to disseminate radical change right now, within our lives and on a grand scale in our world as well. Step back, see where your beliefs are limiting you, know that you are a being of pure light and love who is capable of doing anything you set your mind to, and know that change, while sometimes hard, is now so very necessary for us all. ❤

Talk soon,

– Christine

 

PS. If you are interested in finding out about how this eclipse affects you personally, I am offering free eclipse insights to the first five readers to respond. Comment on FB, or reach out directly at STLSass1s@gmail.com  ❤