StLSass

Posts Tagged ‘faith

Advice

I heard some thing last week that has helped me find the strength that I have needed to find in order to move forward in several areas of my life that have been stagnant lately. It is so simple, and also something I knew, but there is a difference between knowing something and being told some thing is in fact right by a teacher or outside person. Hearing this from a third party was the added confirmation that I needed to take this advice to heart.

The pearl of wisdom I received…

“If you ever feel that there is something that you uncontrollably HAVE to do, or just HAVE to say to someone… that is your sign that you should not say or do that thing.”

I know full well when I shouldn’t contact an ex, or have one more drink, or whatever, HOWEVER, so many times that little voice creeps in my head to convince me of just exactly why I not only should do said thing, but that I HAVE to do it. I’m really great at convincing myself to do things that I previously told myself I would not do because doing said things is actually very unhealthy for me. My ego’s go to convincing argument almost always includes the words, “because you just have to!”, in the most life will be in dire straits if you don’t do it kind of way.

You know what though? I don’t HAVE to do anything. Life will go on, things will progress exactly as they were meant to, and I don’t HAVE to DO anything to make it otherwise.

Over the past week, I have caught myself saying the HAVE TO phrase to myself more times than I care to admit. It has been extremely eye opening AND rewarding forcing myself to look really hard at why I am really trying to convince myself to do something. Any time I get so deep that I am telling myself it’s because I just have to, I’m really grasping for straws at that point as to why I can allow myself to do something that clearly goes against my own greater good.

Humans are funny creatures like that. Our ego’s have a way of convincing us, in the moment, to do things that really only serve the ego, and serve the purpose of holding us back from our true potential. The more we pause, and restrict, the less we live from our naturally reactive state of chaos.

Anyways, that was a great piece of advice that I have implemented this past week, which has already helped me really cut through all the crap I try to tell myself at times, and stick with the higher road for my own good. I hope it can help some of you as well!

Peace and Love,

– Christine

 

 

It took less than a week on Christian Mingle for me to be reminded of why I get so easily frustrated with “Christians”. Let me be clear, I believe in Jesus, I believe in God, I believe in the Holy Spirit, and I also believe in astrology, numerology, Kabbalah, and really anything else that has the potential to bring me to a higher understanding of life. I believe that there is universal truth and wisdom to be found in all religions, and that it is only through our ability as people to set aside our perceived differences, approach one another with respect, and to truly listen with open minds that we will be able to achieve a true understanding of the unknown and see peace and harmony in our world.

Certain Christians, however, would rather focus on how JESUS IS THE ONLY WAY THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE, AND IF YOU BELIEVE ANYTHING ELSE YOU WILL BE SENT TO HELL TO ROT FOR ALL OF ETERNITY! I do not believe that all Christians are so condemning in their beliefs, but having been raised by in a devout Christian family, who do hold this theory to be so finitely true, this is the group of Christians I will be referring to throughout the rest of this post.

My main problem with this type of belief is it’s straight forward hypocrisy that is completely lost on its believers. Theses Christians talk about how loving and wonderful, and forgiving God is, but then in the same breath will condemn the gays, Muslims, and Jews, because the Bible says to. For these Christians, their religion has become an excuse for them to persecute and condemn others who don’t fit in with their accepted beliefs. You cannot say you are all about love and unity and yet harbor fear and hate in your heart for those who do not believe in the same things as you.

Interestingly enough, in my introductory study of Kabbalah I learned that this self righteous attitude of Christians is actually part of their destiny. For without this attitude, they would never have been so adamant and strong willed in spreading the word of God, and Jesus’ message of saving grace. This pushy, strong willed, holier than thou attitude WAS necessary in our history in order to spread God’s love and light as much as it has. HOWEVER, the ultimate downfall of the Christians, which we are now seeing, is that eventually that self-righteous behavior turns them into a machine that then starts violating others freedoms and liberties in the name of Christ. Which is what is happening today, and which is not okay.

Self-Righteous, arrogant, hard headed, and fear mongering Christians are now crossing into the territory where they themselves need saving. They need to be reeled in, and to understand that opposing views are not the enemy but rather are the key to higher understanding and enlightenment. We cannot grow, evolve, and move towards unity on earth until everyone understands this. Our opponents are in our lives in order to challenge us and help us seek the light in situations that may appear wholly dark. Like a light bulb, you must have friction, you must have resistance, in order to create light. You must be challenged by another in order to open your mind, meet in the middle, and achieve the higher understanding that exists when you bring out the truth in both of your points of view.

So to the man on Christian Mingle who read my profile which states that I love God, I believe that Jesus died for our sins to save us, AND that I believe in the higher enlightenment of Kabbalah, astrology, and any thing else that will challenge my mind, and who took that as an opportunity to condemn me and let me know that my beliefs will earn me a “guilty” sentence in the after life which leads me straight to hell…. to you sir, I send you nothing but light and love. I pray that your heart be opened and that you may see how your narrow minded views are that of a world which is coming to an end. For I know that God is love, and when I open my heart to contain nothing but love and light for all, that is where I find the most peace, joy, and understanding in life.

I will not shame you. I will not condemn you. Those are fear tactics, and I only have room for love in my life. Even in my opposing view of these radicalized Christians, I do not think them to be bad people. Rather I see them as people who are in need. They are in need of someone to come into their life with whom they can tolerate a spark of resistance from, someone who can show them the higher power that lies within challenging their stead fast beliefs, because if we are not continuously learning and growing, we are not seeking the light; and if we are not seeking the light, then we are only serving our own self righteous agendas.

These Christians, in my opinion, have stopped seeking the light. They have stopped seeking a higher understanding as they have become all too reliant upon the highly misinterpreted and misconstrued messages of the Bible. As I said, in Kabbalah, it is outlined how this was an inevitable position for followers of the Bible to end up at. In Kabbalah, there is a text called The Zohar, and what the Zohar teaches is that there are in depth and enlightened lessons that can be interpreted from stories of the Bible. The Zohar actually says anyone who interprets the Bible literally is very dangerous, as this was never meant to be the case. In my studies, I have to concur that the deranged messaging in some of the Bible’s lessons are in fact extremely dangerous when interpreted literally. The Zohar, however, interprets the lessons of the Bible and applies them to our ego, our mind, and our journey towards enlightenment. It provides a path that above all has brought me greater understanding of myself, and has also opened my heart. To say this is evil or blasphemy is pretty much laughable to me, because it has brought more light into my life than Christianity ever has.

Personally, I am a seeker of truth above all. I believe what I believe because I FEEL it to be true, and I then seek out information that will help to corroborate my feelings. So for me, when any person uses their religion as a self righteous shield to condemn all others with opposing views, I see a person who clearly has lost sight of the light that is within us all.

Love. Unity. Oneness. These things can only be achieved when we look at our opponents and chose to see the light within them rather than to condemn them for their darkness. The world IS shifting towards this mindset, towards this heart centered living. I guess I just find it ironic that the people responsible for originally bringing this message of salvation to the world, are now the same people who seemingly need to be saved from themselves. It’s ironic, but also a beautiful display of the divinity of our universe. There is a balance to it all, and no one is above anyone else.

Bottom line: We are all one. The sooner we can all realize this, the sooner we can all work together towards revealing the unique light within each of us, which will bring about an even greater truth and understanding of life than we currently have in our divided state, and that will ultimately bring about true harmony and peace on earth.

May you all remember to look for and focus on the light in all that you do.

God bless,

– Christine

the light

We all have issues and fears in our lives that stem from the events of our childhood. That is the condition of life. Unlearning the unknown fears of our pasts in order to stop the cycle of pain that they keep us in. That is true growth in life. I have talked openly before about having a fear of intimacy, which is a combination of the fear of abandonment and the fear of rejection. This deep seeded fear in my life stems from the events of my childhood.

My parents divorced when I was five years old, and my fears of abandonment, I believe, stem from the events surrounding my parents divorce. While both of my parents went above and beyond to be the best parents that they could be, nothing they could have done could stop the fact that I subconsciously felt abandoned by them in some way.

My fear of rejection stems from the sexual abuse that I went through, where I was constantly subjected to an abuser who rejected me publicly, but preyed on me privately. That not only created a constant feeling of being of rejected, but it also created a deep rooted feeling of worthlessness within me that, to this day, I find very hard to shake off at times.

While I have acknowledged these issues, their complications, and how they have shaped my life, I realized yesterday that I still have a lot of pain from these things that I have not yet fully embraced. You see, we are beings that are wired to run from painful situations, and to adapt in ways that keep us from ever really feeling our pain. However, those adaptions eventually start to manifest specific lessons in our life which are meant to bring us to the point where we can finally admit that the adapted version of ourselves, is not as great as the true version of ourselves, and bring us to the place where we are ready and willing to face the pain of our pasts once and for all. Another great gift of life, we are continuously being given opportunities to improve to be our best selves. HOWEVER, many times those lessons require truly diving into and FEELING our deep seeded childhood pains, and only through this process can we emerge from our cocoons to be the bright butterflies that we are.

In figuring myself out lately, I have noticed that I very much have anger and control issues. It was in trying to figure out the anger side that I brought myself to the point of realization that it was perhaps fueled by childhood pain. After continuing to think it through, it became increasingly obvious to me that I still have a lot of pain that has yet to be physically felt and released. So yesterday I sat, and for a minute I concentrated on that pit in the bottom of my stomach that comes up when I begin to think about certain parts of my childhood, the painful parts. I focused on that pain, and as it became heavier and heavier, I started to cry. Not just a weeping cry, no, as I continued to forge into the pain of my soul, I started bawling a river of tears. It was painful. Gut wrenchingly painful.

I thought about my parents and how mad I was at them for “abandoning” our family. I have never really acknowledged it to myself, but last night in my pain, I found myself so incredibly angry and in sort of this child like “Why would you do this to me??” fit of rage and pain. I continued to cry, and breathe, and sit in the pain for as long as my easily distracted mind could handle. When I started to get side tracked with other thoughts, I pushed myself back in the pain, since it was so readily available to me yesterday (due to the current planetary alignments). As I continued to sit there, I began to really understand some of the pain that I had.

I began to understand that I felt so sad and alone because I felt like no one really knew me.  When I really dug into why I felt as though no one really knew me, I began to realize it was because I felt that my mom never really knew me. I saw that my anger stemmed out of my lack of a relationship with my mother, because I felt as though I couldn’t open up to her as a child. My innate reaction as a child was to always pretend everything was fine, and to never talk about my feelings… because deep down, what I was feeling was abandoned.

What I later realized is that what triggered this avalanche of pain and feeling was actually Mother’s Day. I had a wonderful day with my mom on Mother’s Day. I actually had something I wasn’t sure if I was going to tell her or not, but as the day went on, I felt more and more at ease, and so I eventually told her. She did her mom thing, and was able to break through the wall that I always keep up that everything is okay, and she got to my truth. So what I finally realized yesterday as I worked my way through all of this pain, is that my mother has always been there for me. She has done so much for me, all in the name of being a loving and supportive mother. She was always there, she never abandoned me. My feeling of abandonment was created by my own mind as a child when for whatever rhyme or reason I decided that my mother was no longer my ally, or my confidant, or my rock, and I began to shut her out of my life. I am the one who created my own sense of abandonment by isolating my true self from my mom.

As I came to that moment of realization, that I had created this strained relationship with my mother all on my own, the phrase “I chose this life” began to set in with me.

With all of my study into astrology and my soul’s purpose and mission in this lifetime, I have come to a great understanding, which is that my soul chose this exact journey for me to learn everything I needed to learn while I am on earth. The experiences that I have grown from, experienced pain from, and found joy in, were all put in my path to further my soul’s journey. I have come to understand that I truly did chose this life path for myself. So when I felt those words come up, “I chose this life”, I just continued to repeat those words out loud, to really let that sink into my soul.

Here I am writing this the next day, and I just had the realization that this whole experience is quite literally me uncovering one of the greatest masks of my ego. It is me  coming to an understanding of how the story of what I told myself as a child vs the reality of what was actually happening, shaped my misguided belief system that kept me from enjoying the pure love and light that both of my parents have always had for me, and in turn kept me stuck in my own self created world of pain and hurt. A pain that was so deep that rather than feel it, and learn from it, I have spent many years running from it, pretending I was okay, which only served to further the cycle of pain.

Funny thing pain is like that. When we tell ourselves that we are okay, and that we are fine, when we are in fact in pain, we then are essentially creating a place for that pain to live. We give that pain life. Our life thus attracts more pain, because that is the vibe that we are sending out into the world. We drag out our own pain when we don’t face it head on. However, when we do embrace it, feel it, let it hurt, and let it out… then we learn our truth behind that pain, and then we begin to understand it. Once we understand it, we can learn from it… and finally move on and be done with that it!

The only way out is through.

There are no shortcuts in life growth.

We all must learn to stop being afraid of pain.

We should welcome it with open arms.

Sit with your pain.

FEEL it.

Let it hurt.

Let it make you mad.

Scream.

Cry.

Be sad.

Then understand what exactly it is that is making you sad.

Once you get deep into that pain, it becomes easier to see what it is that is truly the problem.

Continue asking yourself why, until you have your answer.

It will come.

“As I stand in a puddle of tears, I give thanks; for without pain, I would not grow.” – @j.ironword

Give thanks. You are exactly where you chose to be on this journey of life.

You chose this life.

The sooner we all understand that we are not victims of our circumstances, but rather the creators of our destiny; the sooner we can flip that switch and realize our amazing power to achieve anything we desire in this world comes through our ability to face our own pain and grow our way through it.

Sending so much light and love to you all this week. There is a lot of active energy going on in the world right now, and I hope that you all take that extra energy and use it to confront some of your own pain… and that through that you find great healing, so you are able to better shine your light. Our world needs your light right now. We need to stop furthering the pain. It is time.

❤ Christine

Last night marked the beginning of what I can feel is going to be an incredible journey for my life.

I hosted a Vision Board class in my home last night. For those not familiar, a vision board can be many things, but it’s purpose is to create a concrete visual of the goals, dreams, and energies that you want to attract in your life. When we have something with those things on it, where we can look at it everyday, and remain focused on what it is that we truly want in our lives, it adds to the power and momentum which is required to bring those things to fruition in our lives.

On a whim, a month or so ago, I decided that I wanted to do a vision board class. I honestly didn’t know what to expect, or how it was going to shape up, but I knew that the New Moon brings the perfect energy for manifesting goals and intentions, so I set the class for the next New Moon, created a Facebook event, invited everyone I knew, and waited to see what happened.

As time drew closer I started researching the energy of this specific New Moon, which was in Taurus. Reading about the patient, grounded energy that Taurus brings, and how it can help us to figure out where we really want to focus our time and attention in life, I knew that the class was going to have all of the energy and exact vibes that I was looking for it to create, both for myself, and for others. It truly all came together very nicely.

Teaching the class last night taught me two things about myself: 1) While I have resisted following in my mother’s footsteps of teaching thus far in my life, there IS in fact an inner kindergarten teacher inside of me who absolutely loves to create fun, inspirational, and crafty learning experiences for people. And 2) There is totally an inner guru inside of me who loves explaining the energy currents, leading meditations, and inspiring people to think outside the box.

I’ll be honest, I have so many ideas and dreams about what I want to do in this life, and lately I have been feeling a bit lost as to what it is I TRULY want to do. What is my core mission? What do I want to focus on? I have been asking myself those questions for the past few weeks trying to figure that out. The answer I have been getting is that I want to inspire people. Which, is great, but what does that mean? What does that look like?

Last night I learned what that looks like. It looks like me directing a group of very smart, inspired, forward thinking women on how to work with the current energies of universe in order to best visualize and set their focus and intentions for the month ahead. My strengths lie in three key areas: 1) Socializing/Networking 2) Planning/Organizing and 3) Outside the Box Thinking. When you combine all of those with the goal of wanting to inspire people… you get one bad ass vision board class teacher. 🙂

I definitely don’t think that vision boarding is where this stops either. It is a great class, and I will definitely be doing it again, probably on a monthly basis actually. However, what last night really showed me is that I am on exactly the right track with what I want to do with my life. I felt alive last night in the best way possible. Now all I want is to help everyone else in the world feel that same way, which is exactly what I was put here to do.

I. Can. Not. Wait!!!!

Here are some of the finished products of last night:

Visions

Stay blessed all,

– Christine

 

 

chuckswindoll

It is a very interesting time in terms of the energy in the world right now.

Have you felt as though problems you thought you conquered are creeping back up in your life?

That is the cause of all the retrograde action going on right now. We just got out of Venus retrograde, but Mars and Pluto are still there.

Basically what has been going on, is that the universe has been stirring up deep issues, perhaps ones that we thought we had moved past, to bring them to our attention for true deep healing. It is bringing things up in a manner where it may cause you to react very harshly. This is because the universe is wanting us to recognize the irrationality of these issues, and see beyond our emotions to understand the true underlying feelings and wounds that we have which remain deep within us.

One of my biggest fears is the fear of abandonment. When I give into this fear I become very insecure in relationships, and lose all my confidence and self esteem.

This past week was definitely a test of my ability to control my reactions to this fear.

First, I was stood up for a date with someone whom I had already been out with and established a connection with. He later explained he got sick, and tried calling me but had phone problems, but regardless, sitting there waiting for this man to show up and then realizing he was not going to… was a very strong test of my fear. Normally, I would have reacted and gone off the edge of crazy on this man. However, trying to remain calm and enlightened, I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and told myself I would not react for at least three days. I made it two before my crazy came out. Which was not pretty, BUT, as I was going crazy,  I was witnessing it internally in a way that I had never been  able to before. I watched my crazy self make assumptions, and then go into obsessive state, which ultimately served no purpose and made the whole situation worse. The way that I reacted was not good. However, being able to become aware of where I was going wrong and track it back to my fear of abandonment then gave me the ability to sit with that knowledge and understand myself better so that perhaps next time I will not let my emotions run such a muck based on my perceived reality, was very enlightening.

All of the retrograde energies right now are creating a perfect storm for the Universe to send us opportunities that testing our ability to trust and have faith and trust that the Universe is working in our favor. If we can remember this, that makes its so much easier to be less reactive when we face perceived challenges.

So if you find yourself facing some challenges right now, remember to trust that this is an opportunity from the universe to recognize your own part in creating these issues in your life. Remember to pause, reflect, and dig into what you are really feeling behind your initial reactions. What is it that you really need from the situation that you are not getting?

And if you do react, go crazy, get angry, whatever the case may be, remember that it is okay. We are only human, and we are not perfect. Don’t beat yourself up about it, have compassion for yourself, and remember to forgive yourself. Recognizing that the challenge is truly within is a great feat all on its own, so chin up!

This was mostly a pep talk for myself, but I hope it helps a few others out there as well.

Happy Monday all!

– Christine

 

I am at a loss today for what to even say today.

Our world is so very clearly messed up.

Corporate greed is annihilating basic human rights.

We have a government dead set on taking us into WWIII.

Billionaires are investing in luxury bunkers at rapid rates.

Are we on the edge of the end? Are we one tip of the scale from the end of the world?

I typically like to keep an optimistic attitude and not pay attention to the news cycles, however, I feel like that has been incredibly hard the past few days.

We have let the power hungry take the reigns to our country, to our lives, and run wild with it.

Now we are somehow at a point where convincing our own people that these power hungry monsters don’t have their best interests at heart is a real thing.

People who have blindly accepted lies as truth their entire lives, so they have no basis for real truth within their lives.

They are easily manipulated, and can’t see that they are losing everything in their life because of their blind trust in the ultimate con men.

Our planet is dying, and yet we are arguing over who owns what part of it. The sad part is, soon there will be nothing of value left to even fight over.

We are very much at a time of great awakening.

This I know, and I also know that we are simply being made more aware of the evils in our world right now, but that doesn’t mean there actually is more. In fact, I would care to argue that everyday more and more people are understanding that what we need is a shift into heart centered living, and they are doing just that.

Keep believing. Keep focusing within yourself, and working to better your own life. That is what we all must focus on, and within that, the changes will come.

Most importantly, keep being kind. Show compassion to all those in your life, including yourself. It is already a cruel world, we do not need more harshness on top of it all.

Have patience, for the night may now appear very dark, but the morning light is never far away.

Peace and love to you all,

– Christine

kindness

Today marks day 99 of my sobriety mission, so I thought I would take a minute to reflect on the journey so far. When I started this mission, I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to accomplish. In my mind I set a goal of 90 days and decided I would re-evaluate things at that point. So here we are just over 90 days, and so much has changed in my life.

First and foremost, I bought a house. Granted I had been building towards this goal for most of 2016, but I still think that being sober really helped me push myself these past few months to be able to achieve all that I really had to do with this house. Including saving every last cent, because houses ain’t cheap! So the money savings has definitely been very beneficial, but the time and energy savings has been crucial to my adulting success as well.

I think the biggest benefit to not drinking though has been that I am never hung over. My weekend mornings are filled with projects and productivity instead of sleeping until noon, and then stuffing my face with bad food because I have no will power not to. Which brings me to another added benefit, I don’t find myself dying to eat anything and everything when I come home from a night out, which has been great for my waistline! Not to mention I just physically feel a lot better. Drinking is just poisoning your body, and keeping my body toxin free for 99 days has left me feeling pretty good.

Another benefit to not drinking? I remember everything! I remember new people who I meet when I am out. I remember every conversations that I have when I am out. I remember everything that everyone else who is drinking does or says, so I can remind them about it later when I know they aren’t going to remember what their drunk self actually said. Not that I was blacking out left and right before, but my nights always ended on a bit of a fuzzy note. It’s a good feeling going home knowing what happened, and knowing I won’t wake up in the morning full of regret for the choices that drunk me made the night before.

That brings me to another point, I have less regret! Being able to maintain my self control all night long leads to much less regret over my words and actions the next day. I definitely don’t miss the feeling of waking up and dreading looking at my phone for fear of what drunk me decided to text out into the world the night before.

Maintaining my self control to not drink in the first place has not been without challenge. There have been plenty of nights over the past 99 days where I have wanted to have a drink. Drinking “takes the edge off”, sort of. It is an easy way for us check out of reality for a little while. Spend 99 days in reality, and trust me, you will be quite eager for a break from it. That is life though. Life is hard, it is challenging, it is a struggle!! Everyday I make it through that struggle without needing to take a break though… makes me feel stronger and more capable of handling whatever challenges life has to throw my way.

To be honest, not drinking has mostly opened my eyes to the fact that as a society we have a major drinking problem. I don’t want to criticize everyone who drinks, however, if you are having more than 2 drinks every time you go out, I wonder if you have ever stopped to question why. What benefits is drinking bringing to your life? I know its the social thing to do, it makes you feel a little more loose, maybe it even makes you feel like you are having more fun than what you really are when you are out. At the end of it all though when you have had one too many and you start acting a bit foolish, what good are you really doing for yourself at that point?

I really don’t want to come off sounding judgmental of those who want to drink, but after making this journey myself, I can’t help but to want it for everyone else around me. I will admit, as much as I have wanted to drink, deep down I really haven’t because I know I will just be bringing out a lesser version of myself. As someone who is very into raising my consciousness and expanding my mind into higher levels of life… doing anything which brings myself down a few notches mentally is pretty counter intuitive to my overall goals for life. I have figured out how I achieve more in life, and I can’t help but want that for everyone else.

Also, it wasn’t until I wasn’t drinking that I realized how much alcohol is promoted in our world. As someone who believes that higher powers are continuously trying to suppress the masses, it has been very eye opening to realize how big of a role alcohol actually plays in keeping people locked into the lower levels of consciousness. Especially in St. Louis, home of Anheuser Busch, you are hard pressed to go more than a block or two anywhere in the city without seeing some kind of subliminal message to drink alcohol. We are being programmed to always drink. Anything the powers that be are trying to program me to do… are exactly the things I’m keen on staying away from these days. Just some food for thought.

Bottom line: I am 99 days sober, and I feel fantastic. Yes, life has been admittedly a bit harder, however, it’s so true, no pain, no gain! Discovering that facing life struggles head on, and sober, is the best way to level up in life… has been a wonderful and very welcome reward in my life. I can’t wait to see where this journey takes me.

Much love to you all!

– Christine

levelup