Posts Tagged ‘ego


I heard some thing last week that has helped me find the strength that I have needed to find in order to move forward in several areas of my life that have been stagnant lately. It is so simple, and also something I knew, but there is a difference between knowing something and being told some thing is in fact right by a teacher or outside person. Hearing this from a third party was the added confirmation that I needed to take this advice to heart.

The pearl of wisdom I received…

“If you ever feel that there is something that you uncontrollably HAVE to do, or just HAVE to say to someone… that is your sign that you should not say or do that thing.”

I know full well when I shouldn’t contact an ex, or have one more drink, or whatever, HOWEVER, so many times that little voice creeps in my head to convince me of just exactly why I not only should do said thing, but that I HAVE to do it. I’m really great at convincing myself to do things that I previously told myself I would not do because doing said things is actually very unhealthy for me. My ego’s go to convincing argument almost always includes the words, “because you just have to!”, in the most life will be in dire straits if you don’t do it kind of way.

You know what though? I don’t HAVE to do anything. Life will go on, things will progress exactly as they were meant to, and I don’t HAVE to DO anything to make it otherwise.

Over the past week, I have caught myself saying the HAVE TO phrase to myself more times than I care to admit. It has been extremely eye opening AND rewarding forcing myself to look really hard at why I am really trying to convince myself to do something. Any time I get so deep that I am telling myself it’s because I just have to, I’m really grasping for straws at that point as to why I can allow myself to do something that clearly goes against my own greater good.

Humans are funny creatures like that. Our ego’s have a way of convincing us, in the moment, to do things that really only serve the ego, and serve the purpose of holding us back from our true potential. The more we pause, and restrict, the less we live from our naturally reactive state of chaos.

Anyways, that was a great piece of advice that I have implemented this past week, which has already helped me really cut through all the crap I try to tell myself at times, and stick with the higher road for my own good. I hope it can help some of you as well!

Peace and Love,

– Christine




When I am present in any given moment, I notice everything in that moment.

I notice the sounds around me, and what they are telling me about the positioning of all who are in motion around me.

I notice the subtle shift of knowing vs. curiosity in people’s eyes when I talk to them.

I notice the deliberate placement of someone’s gaze vs the haphazard wandering of a thoughtless stare.

I notice the thought that is forming in a person’s mind behind the facade of their inactive listening.

I notice the collective energy vibes of a room, and who is influencing those vibes the most.

I notice the endless depth behind the quietest people… and their silent acknowledgement of my knowing of their secret brilliance when our eyes meet and briefly pierce each other’s souls.

I notice the awkward dance that rests in the air between two people who can’t quite seem to figure out the connection between them.

I notice the subtle change of attitude that some feel necessary to use to distract others when they sense someone is becoming too close.

I notice the little things that people do and the little things they used to do.

I notice when your soul isn’t into something any more.

I notice both the calm and the erratic levels that people are vibing at, based on the zen of the air around them.

I notice when you enter a room, and when you leave it.

I notice you silently working up the courage to speak words to that person you’re really into… especially if that person is me.

I notice people who are turning on the charm vs. those who are naturally charming.

I notice those who are aware consciously aware of the fifth dimension, and those who will never quite grasp it.

I notice when you have ulterior motives behind the words coming out of your mouth.

I notice when you are lying.

I notice when you are trying to manipulate someone into thinking your idea is their idea.

I notice your level of confidence by combining the total of your words, your actions, and your silence.

I notice the subtlety of almost everything.

I notice things because I’m intuitive, perceptive, and judgmental. I’ve developed an ego of kindness which lends itself to being a people pleaser, and as such, I learned very early on to pay close attention to people, and all they were saying and not saying, so that I could use that knowledge to get what I wanted from them or the situation, all while making them think my interest is because I only have their best interest at heart. This is not to say that I don’t have their best interest at heart many times, however, self preservation is most always the name of the game.

It’s lonely at times… noticing everything about everyone… while mostly just wanting someone to notice me… and that I am not really what I pretend to be. I long for someone that looks at me in amazement of all the things I can clearly see, with a knowing that they will never quite be able to figure me out. Which may sound tiresome to most, but I’ve learned my best matches are the ones who love the randomness of my ever changing mind. To those few… the reward is the essence of my free spirited heart. For inside the layers of my brilliant mind, is a simple, fun loving girl, with a curiosity as fierce as the winds of a hurricane… that just wants to laugh and play, and make the most of this playground that is our world. A girl who wants to live at the highest levels of consciousness, where nothing of this world can be taken for granted, as it all serves a divine purpose for our chosen path of learning in life. Her, who will simply always want to be watching and be reveling in the orchestra of life… everyday that she is alive.

So… would you like to take notice with me?

– Christine


I can’t take it anymore. I cannot take the pure idiocracy that is our world right now. Where do I even start. With our President?? No, that’s too easy, I’ll save that for the end, which is where it belongs, because as you will see he is not our problem, he is the product of our problem. Our problem?? People. Not. Being. Accountable. For. Their. Own. Issues!!!! No, that’s that not true either, that is also a product of our real problem. The real problem is the puppet masters that are controlling and manipulating our thoughts, our behaviors, our actions, and ultimately our minds. The Cabal. If you have never heard this phrase or have no inkling of what it is let me explain:

“From all available evidence it’s clear that the most compelling hypothesis explaining the interconnected crimes, lies, and human slaughter occurring in our modern world is that an international cabal took control of the United States in the early part of the twentieth century and is now methodically destroying American and world institutions and values. The main goal of the cabal has been to consolidate political, economic, and social power in its hands while obliterating the minds of the masses to establish a militaristic, imperialistic dictatorship.” – 

Before you laugh me off as a conspiracy theorist, I need you to stop, and fucking listen. Hell, do some research of your own, just please, USE YOUR BRAIN.

This is not a joke. This is very real, very well documented, and now BLATANTLY obvious through the effects that we are seeing in our country and throughout the world.

It does not matter who our president is, the Cabal is in charge. The richest of the rich, so elite they have rewrote history to erase their names and any traces of their involvement in humanity. They do not want to be known. To be known, to be documented, means that their heinous manipulation of mankind could become susceptible to almost being believable. No, they much prefer to lurk in the shadows, pulling the strings, manipulating the population, feeding us lies verified as truth, while poisoning our water, and slowly turning our brains to mush.

The reason that so many in my generation are failing to find love is because we have all become such ego driven maniacs, that the process of actually finding the humanity within us that is required for love is almost impossible. This is not our fault either, we are living in the cabal created reality which was shaped in specific way to keep us locked up by our own insecurities,  shortcomings, and fears! Our society is set up to keep us trapped in the insanity of our own mind!! It is manufactured insanity that we have come to accept as normal.

On top of that, they have managed to tap into the power of the ego on a massive scale. When I say that, I mean they have perfected playing to our selfish wants, desires, addictions, and even hatred in a way that keeps people so trapped in their own minds. Making people believe that money, fame, drugs, and alcohol are the best prizes in life, when in reality those are the exact things that strip us of the best joys in life.

Trump? Trump is a con man who figured out the Cabal’s con, and then used it for his own gain. I could almost respect him in that fact. Almost. However, any person which is THAT driven by their own inadequacies, insecurities, and ultimately ignorance, has no righteous path in life, not even by accident. Now in office, an office he himself knows he is 100% not interested in holding, he is simply handing the reigns directly over to the cabal. Not that any president has ever truly represented the people anyways, but most at least had the dignity to preserve our basic human rights, and some even did their best to add to them. Not Trump. He does not care about anyone but himself, and because of that the next four years are going to be a real shit show for humanity.


  1. Take a look at your own life. Focus within. Admit your own issues, admit your own weaknesses, (it’s okay, everyone has them!) and then work on them. Make yourself a better person. That is almost all we can do in this otherwise chaotic world. When you heal yourself, you are ultimately healing the world. As you are able to better listen to your soul, then you will be better equipped to find your true calling and follow your destiny, and THAT is what this world needs. More people doing what they were put on this planet to do.
  2. Stop poisoning your body. Stop eating processed foods that contain zero nutrition. Stop drinking soda like its water. It’s not, its fucking poison. Water is our lifeblood. Drink it. A lot. 
    The power in plants is being largely repressed by pharmaceutical companies (the cabal), but PLANTS ARE POWER. They can heal almost every major disease. Nourish your body, it is the only one you have, and your brain needs nourishment in order to think it’s way through your issues!!
  4. Do not believe things simply because you are told to do so. Do your own research. Meditate, ask the universe for answers, ALL THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE WORLD IS WITHIN YOU. If you don’t believe me, then you don’t believe in yourself, and that’s the real problem here, so go back to number one please.
  5. Find love. Love for yourself. Love for your fellow man. Love for all. They can do a lot of things, feed us a lot of lies, but they cannot take away our innate want to give and receive love. That is a fundamental human right, and one that I believe holds the key to our way out of all this mess.

So go on… wake the fuck up already. Work on yourself. Find your calling. Find your voice. Let’s take our goddamn country back from the power hungry lunatics who think they can turn our brains into mush and take our freedom without us noticing!!!


– Christine

Do you ever do or say something without really thinking about it, but when you do you hear or see yourself and think that’s not what I really wanted or meant to say? That’s your ego. Your ego is basically your human autopilot. It has been conditioned by every event you have experienced in your life, and whether you realize it or not, it has takes all of those events into account every time you speak or act. So while in your mind you may believe you are over that feud you had with your sister about your green sweater that she borrowed and got a stain on… but subconsciously your ego may still acknowledge it, and still be hurt by it, which is why you didn’t stop yourself from walking through that puddle when you were wearing her nice suede boots a few weeks later. Most often times we may feel entitled to the actions and choices that we make, even when deep down we know it isn’t right, but we feel like it is because it’s based on old stories or false information that is still residing in our ego.

Understanding, re-training, and ultimately reigning in our egos… is how we get to the place of living our truest and best selves. While the example above may be kind of simple, the ego is far from simple. It is our mind literally playing tricks on us. For instance, I have previously wrote about my recent discovery that patience IS actually an important value to have in life. Prior to that discovery though, I used to actually pride myself on my impatience. I would tell people, “Oh, yeah, I have no patience at all” all the time, and never once thought that maybe my impatience was a problem. That was my ego! My ego had no problem with the fact that I was impatient, because my impatience was keeping me from finding a truly deep love… a love that, according to the beliefs of my ego based on my life experiences at a young age, would only open me up to getting hurt. You see, your ego tricks you to “protect you”.

Now, while it’s intentions are seemingly good… the “protection” that your ego is providing is really not protecting you from anything, but the ghosts of traumas that we endured early on in life. These protections were learned during our developmental years when we lacked the ability to truly understand the impacts of events that we were put into as children. Everyone has different experiences that they went through that have shaped them differently, but at the core of it all there is our ego creating stories to help “protect” our mind. However, as we get older, those stories we have been telling ourselves actually start to hurt us more than they help us at some point. You see those issues that we couldn’t quite process at the time in our youth… are things we MUST face as adults in order to be able to live as our best selves.

We did an exercise in my Kabbalah class last night where we took a list of certain behaviors and numbered them from 1-12, with one being the least like you, and 12 being the most like you. Then on the next page it had you list what you wrote for number one (least like you), and state what it was about that action that you thought it showed for people who take that action. Then you were to list what you thought people who do this action are lacking.

So, in my case, the action I picked for number one was “First in line to get food”, and what I listed as what I thought about people who do this is that they are unkind. I listed I thought it was unkind because, I believe, it is very simple and easy to wait for for other people to get their food before you, and that was the kind thing to do.

Okay. So after doing this exercise, our teacher flipped the script on all of us, and told us how the action that we picked as our number one (least like us), was in fact the biggest challenge aspect of our ego.

So in my case, kindness, is actually the biggest trick that my ego plays on me. Which took me a minute to really grasp. However, I do tend be a people pleaser, and my kind actions do often come at the expense of my own self, so for me, my over indulgence of kindness is actually a detriment at times to my ability to be my best self. It was quite the eye opening moment.

Realizations and moments like those, where we uncover the hidden truths behind our behaviors and our actions, are the moments we should all be working towards in our lives. Understanding why we say and do things that deep down we know aren’t serving our greatest selves, are the keys to being able to one day live as the best versions of ourselves.

It is not easy. By any means. However, I think the first, and most important step in the process is to understand that you alone are the only one who is responsible for your actions and behaviors. Your reactions are representations of your ego, which has been formed by the core of the challenges you have faced in life. So to correct your ego, you must correct your issues. Which, yes, can be sometimes very painful and hard to face. However, I promise you that continuing to live a life driven by an ego that is rooted in such misguided perceptions of reality… will ultimately hurt much more, and not just yourself, but everyone in your life. This is the key to not only your own salvation, but also the world’s, because to become a better society, we must all work to become better people in our own lives first.

(I just want to add one thing, in my pursuit to understand myself, my ego, my actions, and my life, I have sought out many teachings. None have led me to such profound levels of understanding as the teachings of Kabbalah has. Kabbalah is not a religion. It is a series of courses developed from a book called The Zohar, to help us understand our minds using various tools and studies. I highly recommend checking out the Kabbalah Centre website for more information about Kabbalah, as well as online classes, or to check out a Centre in your area. The St. Louis Kabbalah Centre is located in Clayton next to Five Star Burgers. They not only have ongoing courses (Kabbalah 1, 2, etc.), but they also have many one night events which are great for understanding one off topics that don’t really require a whole course to learn. In addition to the website, you can also go and like them on Facebook to get updates when they post and schedule new events! Please, feel free to ask me about it if you have any questions or are curious to learn more. I believe the Kabbalah Centre is truly teaching the lessons that our world needs most. The lessons which help us see our true selves and transform our lives to be the best they can be.)

Many blessings of insight and wisdom to you all!

– Christine

“All Lives Matter… so take a look at your own: A guide on how to be a better human being and do your part for the world.”

That’s an idea for a book I just had.

Do me a favor, go read this nice update from Karen Berg. Go on, it’s quick, it will only take a second.

The truth is, there is a pattern to our hardships, and that pattern is called opportunity.”

Man, this is such a timely update/topic. We could not be at a time of greater opportunity in the world. On a massive scale, and also in our own lives.

We are at a time of break through and final recognition of opportunity that has been presenting itself as hardship in our nation, and in our lives.

This entire election process has brought so many different view out from so many people, and I think what we need to all see in that is the drive and the push for change is here and now.

Our world is changing.

No longer is hate, racism, and misogyny hiding behind closed doors, no it’s out and on center stage.

We have an opportunity here.

When that much hate is brought out into the light, the human response is drive to fix it.

How do we fix it. We all have different view and different opinions so how do we come to an agreement.

I think it first starts with understanding humanity and compassion. I also believe that the onslaught of hate is doing just that, bringing out more humanity and compassion from all of us.

As we learn to look at life with more compassion, then we learn to get better at looking at life from another view. When we shift our views, and shift towards a global understanding, well that’s where real, amazing, positive change happens.

We have just started a new 9 year cycle of energy. It is also the Age of Aquarius. The age of new thinking and of upholding strongly developed ideals. It is a time where we are capable of making the mental shifts, as a collective whole, that are needed in order to live in a better world. We are at the forefront of that energy, and it’s amazing once you realize that and start seeing all of the challenges before us now as opportunities… man that sounds exciting!

It is truly an incredible time to be alive.

Personally, I know I feel it as well. I have a push to look deeper at all of the challenges and situations in my life and figure out where I can do better, how I can be better. I am ready to open my mind to new thoughts of thinking and push myself to go outside of my comfort zone. That is where real miracles happen you know? Outside of our comfort zone. You can’t stay in your bubble of what you’ve always done or known and expect change. That’s the trick to it all. You’ve got to be the change. You have to do something different.

Change is not easy. It does not happen over night. Rewiring the way you think is a very tedious undertaking. However, when you look within yourself and you see the life and the world that you know we are capable of, that is where you must set your goal to be. When you see yourself there, when you envision that place of equality and peace, then you will start to align your life and your choices with those achievements… and that’s where radical change happens.

I know it can be easy to get angered and discouraged when it seems you aren’t being heard or understood. When you start to feel that way though, perhaps you should look for the opportunity in the situation. Step outside your comfort zone and do something different than what you normally do. Open your mind, and see where life takes you.

I bet you won’t regret it.

Happy Monday everyone!

– Christine



Two to three years ago I downloaded a daily horoscope app on my phone. I had always been intrigued by astrology and horoscopes and I wanted a way to check mine more regularly. I never took my horoscope all that seriously. I more saw it as a heads up on the energy that was coming my way on any given day. After a year of reading my horoscope almost daily, I could confidently say that I truly believed in the accuracy of what I was reading. It wasn’t an exact science, but what I read everyday always seemed to fall in line with the general air of energy that I was feeling. It was my little way of making sure I was staying on track with what the universe was sending my way I guess. Today, it is not only something I have come to believe in, but as I have learned more about astrology in general, it is something that I have come to advise people about regularly, as its something I believe can help everyone. So I wanted to take a minute to explain what I know about this, and provide some understanding around it, so that perhaps next time I mention something about the energy of the universe to any of you, you won’t look at me like I have three heads.

The basics: There are twelve zodiac signs. Each zodiac sign has specific characteristics that people of that sign display. I’m an Aquarius. I am highly independent, passionate for the truth, idealistic, intellectual, and very outgoing. Your main zodiac sign, your sun sign, is determined by your day of birth. Your sun sign is the type of energy that follows you on a long yearly type basis. Meaning that it is the overarching energy vibe that is ever present in your life. However, many of you may be surprised to learn that you have a second sign, your rising sign, which is determined by the time of day you were born. I was born at 9:02 AM, which makes me Pisces rising. Your rising sign is the energy you tend to align more with on a daily basis, typically it is the energy that is adopted by your ego. Many times people will read their horoscope based on their sun sign and think that doesn’t really align with them, and what I have come to realize is that the more you lead with your ego, the more you actually align with your rising sign, than your sun sign.

As in life, living from  your true self and not your ego, is something that takes practice and understanding to really be able to do. Once I understood the energy of my ego was Pisces, that helped me to better understand that side of myself. As an Aquarius I am someone who is always in pursuit of the truth, however, my ego, tends to be secretive. This is because unlike most Aquarius, I have a lot of Pisces in me, and Pisces tend to not only be highly emotional, but they also keep their emotions hidden. For me this resulted in my ego getting very good at hiding my out of control emotions, and therefore coming off as a secretive.

Have I lost you yet? Hope not!

So you have two signs, okay what else? Well you also have a lot of various signs in you depending on when you were born. In addition to Aquarius and Pisces, I also have a lot of Scorpio in my chart. What is this chart I am speaking of? Well it looks like this:


In the middle is earth. Around the edges you have the twelve signs of the zodiac. The points all correspond to the planets. So when we say Mars is in Capricorn, that means Mars is aligned with the sign of Capricorn. Each planet has an energy vibe to it. Each sign has its energy vibe to it. Depending on which planets are aligned with which signs on any given day, determines the energy waves that we are receiving here on earth. Thus, that is how daily astrological energy is determined. Side note: Planets moving in retrograde mean that the planet is moving backwards (at least in respect to its position to Earth), planets moving non-retrograde are said to be moving direct.

That is the basic extent of what I have learned thus far in astrology, but simply understanding my own signs helped me understand myself and my ego tremendously. Understanding the positioning of daily energy forces is what I generally talk about with people when I advise on the type of energy we are experiencing as a planet.

Currently, we are in a time frame of tremendously powerful energy. All planets are moving direct until February 6th. Which means that we are receiving positive energy from all of the planets right now. This is bringing boosts of extreme clarity and positive motivation to us. This is a time frame where HUGE miracles can happen. We are able to understand ourselves and what we want better than we have been able to for months. It’s like the fog is lifted. So take advantage!! If you have strong feelings about something you think you need to do in your life right now, but it’s a big change, or seems kind of crazy… trust yourself!! The universe is aligning and giving us the courage to do the impossible right now. If you think you can, then you can! Make those plans, set those crazy goals, and do it!! This is no time for letting fear hold you back.

To conclude, I want to leave you with some websites that will help you learn more about your signs, your energy, and the daily energy of the universe.

To calculate your rising sign, you can go here. If you don’t know  your birth hour, you won’t be able to find this out though. If it’s not on  your birth certificate, ask your parents if they remember.

For a reading of your birth chart, meaning the picture above but what it was the day you were born, and an explanation of what each planet within each house of each sign means in terms of your energy make up, visit this site. This site will generate your report, and give you a full report, which also does a good job of explaining what each house means in general and then specifically for you as well. If your time of birth is unknown, just use 12:00 AM. It won’t be exact, but it will be close.

For an explanation of the daily energy out there in the Universe, I follow daily_astrol0gy_ on instagram. She is awesome, and while she doesn’t always get a chance to post daily, her insights are incredible and always leave me feeling very prepared on how to face the day or coming days.

So that’s Astrology 101, a crash course in the basics. If you have questions, feel free to ask me, and I will do my best to give an answer. I truly believe that understanding your own chart, and the daily vibes of the universe, are very beneficial tools to us all in life. I hope you have enjoyed!

Stay blessed my celestial star friends!

– Christine