StLSass

Posts Tagged ‘drinking

I have a confession, (I’m so naturally secretive that as I’ve learned to embrace my truth I’ve grown to love confessions if you haven’t picked up on this already)… I ended my sobriety streak back in May.

I had gotten to a point where I honestly really felt like drinking and I was just getting very angry at the notion that I “couldn’t drink”. Its the Aquarius in me, tell me I can’t do something and that’s all I want to do.

So after 4 months of sobriety, I entertained a few nights of drinking.

First and foremost I was a bit shocked that my tolerance had not changed one bit. I’m sure that is a testament to just how hardcore of a drinker I was before I stopped, but it also made me see that it would take much longer than 4 months for my body to really ever detox from my many years of heavy drinking.

Secondly, I was immediately reminded of why I stopped drinking to begin with, which is because it isn’t actually fun to me. It’s weird, but when I drink it’s as though I am handing over the keys to my life to this girl that doesn’t really have any plans or direction. She does whatever she wants, and has no care for what the next day, or even hour, may bring. She is out to have “fun” in this moment and that is all that matters.

Except for the fact that that isn’t all that matters to me in life any more, so now when I hand the keys over to that girl I pretty much just get annoyed by her and her immature ideology on life and what is “fun”.

Thirdly, I have come to an understanding of how to drink in moderation. For me, I cannot drink vodka in moderation. I just can’t. I used to only drink vodka and water, and what I have realized is that combination is the reason that I would drink and drink, and never really feel drunk until I was so drunk that I was either getting sick or blacking out. The water was hydrating me just enough to keep me from mentally feeling drunk, but it wasn’t really helping my physical body to not feel the effects, so eventually my physical body would be so saturated it would just make me sick.

So for me, I believe that I can drink in moderation, and my success with that has come from drinking wine. Wine is made to be drank slowly, so this makes sense.

… I think my struggle with drinking really comes down to the fact that my life is changing. I am not the girl that I once was, and I no longer truly enjoy the things that I once did. That change… is a bit scary. Partying, drinking, being over the top and out of control… is familiar “fun” to me.

FOCUSING on what I really want, working hard, and being persistent … is all a bit foreign to me. However, I know the long term joy that comes from within the latter is the only kind of fun I really want in my life now.

So, I think, the past few months have been me just dipping a toe into the sobriety pool to see how the water feels. But now, I’ve gotten to a point where it’s time to really dive in and embrace all of the changes that this new life requires. Which means making some of the big changes that I have put off making.

More to come on those…

Thanks for reading everyone, have a good one!

– Christine

 

 

 

 

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Today marks day 99 of my sobriety mission, so I thought I would take a minute to reflect on the journey so far. When I started this mission, I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to accomplish. In my mind I set a goal of 90 days and decided I would re-evaluate things at that point. So here we are just over 90 days, and so much has changed in my life.

First and foremost, I bought a house. Granted I had been building towards this goal for most of 2016, but I still think that being sober really helped me push myself these past few months to be able to achieve all that I really had to do with this house. Including saving every last cent, because houses ain’t cheap! So the money savings has definitely been very beneficial, but the time and energy savings has been crucial to my adulting success as well.

I think the biggest benefit to not drinking though has been that I am never hung over. My weekend mornings are filled with projects and productivity instead of sleeping until noon, and then stuffing my face with bad food because I have no will power not to. Which brings me to another added benefit, I don’t find myself dying to eat anything and everything when I come home from a night out, which has been great for my waistline! Not to mention I just physically feel a lot better. Drinking is just poisoning your body, and keeping my body toxin free for 99 days has left me feeling pretty good.

Another benefit to not drinking? I remember everything! I remember new people who I meet when I am out. I remember every conversations that I have when I am out. I remember everything that everyone else who is drinking does or says, so I can remind them about it later when I know they aren’t going to remember what their drunk self actually said. Not that I was blacking out left and right before, but my nights always ended on a bit of a fuzzy note. It’s a good feeling going home knowing what happened, and knowing I won’t wake up in the morning full of regret for the choices that drunk me made the night before.

That brings me to another point, I have less regret! Being able to maintain my self control all night long leads to much less regret over my words and actions the next day. I definitely don’t miss the feeling of waking up and dreading looking at my phone for fear of what drunk me decided to text out into the world the night before.

Maintaining my self control to not drink in the first place has not been without challenge. There have been plenty of nights over the past 99 days where I have wanted to have a drink. Drinking “takes the edge off”, sort of. It is an easy way for us check out of reality for a little while. Spend 99 days in reality, and trust me, you will be quite eager for a break from it. That is life though. Life is hard, it is challenging, it is a struggle!! Everyday I make it through that struggle without needing to take a break though… makes me feel stronger and more capable of handling whatever challenges life has to throw my way.

To be honest, not drinking has mostly opened my eyes to the fact that as a society we have a major drinking problem. I don’t want to criticize everyone who drinks, however, if you are having more than 2 drinks every time you go out, I wonder if you have ever stopped to question why. What benefits is drinking bringing to your life? I know its the social thing to do, it makes you feel a little more loose, maybe it even makes you feel like you are having more fun than what you really are when you are out. At the end of it all though when you have had one too many and you start acting a bit foolish, what good are you really doing for yourself at that point?

I really don’t want to come off sounding judgmental of those who want to drink, but after making this journey myself, I can’t help but to want it for everyone else around me. I will admit, as much as I have wanted to drink, deep down I really haven’t because I know I will just be bringing out a lesser version of myself. As someone who is very into raising my consciousness and expanding my mind into higher levels of life… doing anything which brings myself down a few notches mentally is pretty counter intuitive to my overall goals for life. I have figured out how I achieve more in life, and I can’t help but want that for everyone else.

Also, it wasn’t until I wasn’t drinking that I realized how much alcohol is promoted in our world. As someone who believes that higher powers are continuously trying to suppress the masses, it has been very eye opening to realize how big of a role alcohol actually plays in keeping people locked into the lower levels of consciousness. Especially in St. Louis, home of Anheuser Busch, you are hard pressed to go more than a block or two anywhere in the city without seeing some kind of subliminal message to drink alcohol. We are being programmed to always drink. Anything the powers that be are trying to program me to do… are exactly the things I’m keen on staying away from these days. Just some food for thought.

Bottom line: I am 99 days sober, and I feel fantastic. Yes, life has been admittedly a bit harder, however, it’s so true, no pain, no gain! Discovering that facing life struggles head on, and sober, is the best way to level up in life… has been a wonderful and very welcome reward in my life. I can’t wait to see where this journey takes me.

Much love to you all!

– Christine

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Over the past year I have become aware that my drinking has become more problematic in my life than it has been fun. Too many nights I have driven knowing full well I was not in the most sound state to do so. That, above anything else, has been the driving reason for me to drastically change my behavior and what I deem acceptable in life.

With that, I am proud to announce that I am no longer drinking. Many of those close to me know that has been a goal of mine for some time now, but not a goal I was all that committed to. I was committed to it on mornings when I was hung over and full of regret, but when Friday evening came around I was all too quick to forget my reasons for abstaining.

As someone who struggles with self control in life on a regular basis, drinking only served to be my escape to let go of any tiny bit of self control that I was able to have. I have set many goals for myself over the past year, and in my look back at why some of those goals never came to fruition, drinking was usually the main, if not the only, reason for it.

I have tried the method of limiting myself to only having two drinks when I go out, and at times that has worked just fine. However, I question what the point of even having two drinks is, when those two drink would still sometimes led to 3… or 4… or more.

What ultimately led to my commitment to not drink at all period, was the fact that it’s not really even fun to me anymore… under any circumstance. I drink, I maybe get a little more loosey goosey than I normally would be, but I’m already a pretty outgoing person, so alcohol only serves to increase the volume of voice really. When I really think about what it is doing for me, I see that it is just making me more ego driven, while abandoning all of the proactive decision making that I’ve striven so hard to learn this year. Which at this point, is exactly the opposite of what I want out of my life.

Not to mention alcoholism runs in my family, very heavily. So while some people can control themselves while drinking and not take it too far… for me that’s a very hard thing to do. One taste and I just want more.

I by no means want to judge anyone who chooses to drink, that is everyone’s own prerogative. However, I would like to encourage everyone to think about the reasons why you like to drink. Is it because it’s fun? Is it because it takes the edge off after a crappy day at work? Is it because that’s just what you’ve always done? What is it that you get out of drinking?

Think about all the goals that you want to accomplish in life, and ask yourself if drinking is in anyway hampering those goals? If the answer is yes, I encourage you to start thinking about how cutting back or quitting drinking might help you get further with certain goals this coming year. Our society is so entrenched in drinking being a normal thing that everyone does, but I’ve started to see that that perception is perhaps one that is perpetrated by society to in fact keep us down. I personally see no real benefits to drinking, physically or mentally, so why is it that it’s become such a staple for so many people and events?

Can you imagine a society that is so well adjusted that we don’t ever need to drink to avoid our true reality? Seems like a better place to live to me. Getting there is going to take a lot of big changes for people, but I think many people are ready for that change. We are already becoming a more health conscious society, so I think that will help drive the initiative a lot further over the coming years. We are also starting to be able to better recognize how we are being controlled by the bigger powers at play in the world, and I have to say, I think the normalization of drinking is a move they conspired to make so common place to keep us from rising up. I’ll leave my conspiracy theories out of it for now though, and just say that I hope everyone reading this takes a minute to think about their own drinking habits, and evaluate what it is really bringing to the table for you in your life. I’m not saying you shouldn’t ever drink, but I do think you should understand yourself enough to know why you drink. Understanding the why goes a long way to understanding if it’s something you really need in your life or not.

Your support and encouragement on my journey are much appreciated.

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Love and blessings to all,

– Christine