Posts Tagged ‘depression

I can’t take it anymore. I cannot take the pure idiocracy that is our world right now. Where do I even start. With our President?? No, that’s too easy, I’ll save that for the end, which is where it belongs, because as you will see he is not our problem, he is the product of our problem. Our problem?? People. Not. Being. Accountable. For. Their. Own. Issues!!!! No, that’s that not true either, that is also a product of our real problem. The real problem is the puppet masters that are controlling and manipulating our thoughts, our behaviors, our actions, and ultimately our minds. The Cabal. If you have never heard this phrase or have no inkling of what it is let me explain:

“From all available evidence it’s clear that the most compelling hypothesis explaining the interconnected crimes, lies, and human slaughter occurring in our modern world is that an international cabal took control of the United States in the early part of the twentieth century and is now methodically destroying American and world institutions and values. The main goal of the cabal has been to consolidate political, economic, and social power in its hands while obliterating the minds of the masses to establish a militaristic, imperialistic dictatorship.” – 

Before you laugh me off as a conspiracy theorist, I need you to stop, and fucking listen. Hell, do some research of your own, just please, USE YOUR BRAIN.

This is not a joke. This is very real, very well documented, and now BLATANTLY obvious through the effects that we are seeing in our country and throughout the world.

It does not matter who our president is, the Cabal is in charge. The richest of the rich, so elite they have rewrote history to erase their names and any traces of their involvement in humanity. They do not want to be known. To be known, to be documented, means that their heinous manipulation of mankind could become susceptible to almost being believable. No, they much prefer to lurk in the shadows, pulling the strings, manipulating the population, feeding us lies verified as truth, while poisoning our water, and slowly turning our brains to mush.

The reason that so many in my generation are failing to find love is because we have all become such ego driven maniacs, that the process of actually finding the humanity within us that is required for love is almost impossible. This is not our fault either, we are living in the cabal created reality which was shaped in specific way to keep us locked up by our own insecurities,  shortcomings, and fears! Our society is set up to keep us trapped in the insanity of our own mind!! It is manufactured insanity that we have come to accept as normal.

On top of that, they have managed to tap into the power of the ego on a massive scale. When I say that, I mean they have perfected playing to our selfish wants, desires, addictions, and even hatred in a way that keeps people so trapped in their own minds. Making people believe that money, fame, drugs, and alcohol are the best prizes in life, when in reality those are the exact things that strip us of the best joys in life.

Trump? Trump is a con man who figured out the Cabal’s con, and then used it for his own gain. I could almost respect him in that fact. Almost. However, any person which is THAT driven by their own inadequacies, insecurities, and ultimately ignorance, has no righteous path in life, not even by accident. Now in office, an office he himself knows he is 100% not interested in holding, he is simply handing the reigns directly over to the cabal. Not that any president has ever truly represented the people anyways, but most at least had the dignity to preserve our basic human rights, and some even did their best to add to them. Not Trump. He does not care about anyone but himself, and because of that the next four years are going to be a real shit show for humanity.


  1. Take a look at your own life. Focus within. Admit your own issues, admit your own weaknesses, (it’s okay, everyone has them!) and then work on them. Make yourself a better person. That is almost all we can do in this otherwise chaotic world. When you heal yourself, you are ultimately healing the world. As you are able to better listen to your soul, then you will be better equipped to find your true calling and follow your destiny, and THAT is what this world needs. More people doing what they were put on this planet to do.
  2. Stop poisoning your body. Stop eating processed foods that contain zero nutrition. Stop drinking soda like its water. It’s not, its fucking poison. Water is our lifeblood. Drink it. A lot. 
    The power in plants is being largely repressed by pharmaceutical companies (the cabal), but PLANTS ARE POWER. They can heal almost every major disease. Nourish your body, it is the only one you have, and your brain needs nourishment in order to think it’s way through your issues!!
  4. Do not believe things simply because you are told to do so. Do your own research. Meditate, ask the universe for answers, ALL THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE WORLD IS WITHIN YOU. If you don’t believe me, then you don’t believe in yourself, and that’s the real problem here, so go back to number one please.
  5. Find love. Love for yourself. Love for your fellow man. Love for all. They can do a lot of things, feed us a lot of lies, but they cannot take away our innate want to give and receive love. That is a fundamental human right, and one that I believe holds the key to our way out of all this mess.

So go on… wake the fuck up already. Work on yourself. Find your calling. Find your voice. Let’s take our goddamn country back from the power hungry lunatics who think they can turn our brains into mush and take our freedom without us noticing!!!


– Christine


Let’s talk about depression. I struggle with depression at times, and yet, even those who know me well, and know this about me… rarely know when I’m going through those tough times, and if they do it’s only because I openly tell them. I think depression is that way for many people. I don’t see depression as a disease of sadness. No, I see depression as simply a personal struggle between what one’s mind sees and what their soul knows to be true, and making sense of how to reconcile the two. When you can’t figure out where the disconnect lies for a prolonged period of time… depression ensues.

I was looking back through many of my pictures from the past year tonight, and as I did I recalled several of those nights where internally I felt very low… but externally you would never know. My smile was just as bright, my eyes just as sparkly, and my personality just as outgoing as ever. I’m sure I’m not alone in this regard either. My personality is very extroverted, yet also secretive, so I’ve perfected the art of portraying myself how I want to be seen, which is certainly not necessarily how I actually think or feel. I’m also a perfectionist who doesn’t like to ask for help, so the idea of taking medication for my depression is almost completely out of the question. I can and will figure it out on my own is always the mentality that takes over whenever depression strikes.

I do see a therapist though. She is most certainly my mental saving grace. I think anyone who struggles with bouts of depression should do themselves the favor of finding some kind of professional to speak with. Because as I stated earlier, I feel like depression ensues when we can’t mentally figure out what our soul wants, so you almost have to have an experienced mentor, or at least an outside perspective, to help you figure out what you don’t know. So it’s either talk to someone, or be prepared to read a lot of self help books. Both are actually a good idea probably.

Health and nutrition also play a major role in depression. Exercise produces endorphins, and as you may know endorphins help you keep a positive outlook. It’s harder to get sucked into depression when your looking at life from the glass half full side. The type of food that we eat can also help contribute to that positive/negative disposition. Healthier foods keep you vibing at more positive levels. Junk food brings you down. When I find myself face first in a bag of donuts… I know I’m sliding down the depression scale.

Another surprising remedy for depression? Being outside. Feet to earth. Grounding. Hug a tree. Call me a hippie, but the healing powers of nature are extremely real. Connection with mother nature is connection back to our soul. There are plenty of studies out there to back me up on this.

I’ve had many ups and downs with depression over the years, but the most progress I’ve made with it in life is when I finally admitted to myself, that yes this is a real thing in my life, and it’s something only I have the power to overcome. That was my turning point.

Currently? I’m working on having more compassion for myself. If I find myself unable to get out of bed some days, or face first in that bag of donuts, I first tell myself that it’s okay. I don’t beat myself up about it for not knowing exactly what my problem is, I tell myself that it doesn’t matter what it is, I love me and I will get through this. Then I try to get myself outside. I make myself take a walk or go for a bike ride. Get those endorphins up. Eat some fruits and vegetables. Raise my vibrations. Talk to someone about what’s going on, and get an outside perspective on my problem.These are the steps that I know I need to take to get myself back to a healthy mental state, which is the only place where I’m ever going to get to the root of the real underlying issue.

I think the hardest thing about watching someone you know struggle with depression is the fact that you can’t help them with it. They really have to want to help themselves to get out of their funk. However, what you can do is be there for them. Make them a healthy meal. Get them to go on a walk outside if you can. Shove them into a tree if you have to. (Lol, j/k) Be there to listen… should they decide they want to talk it out. Show them compassion. Let them know that it’s okay that they are struggling right now, and assure them that they will get through it. Love them, unconditionally, when they are incapable of loving themselves.

I hope this helps anyone out there struggling to find their way back to life from the dark side. There is hope. You will make it. God Bless you,

– Christine

I have been attempting to write a meaningful and impactful blog for approximately 3 months now. I have started and abandoned at least 20 different posts during that time, because nothing I wrote could quite capture the essence of everything that I wanted to say. Mostly because I wasn’t quite certain exactly what it was I was trying to say. You see, I have this vision in my head of how the world is supposed to operate, how society is supposed to function, and how we as people achieve true happiness in life. However, every blog I have started so far has inevitably ended up sounding like I am just bitching at the world about everything that everyone is doing wrong, which is not particularly the direction that my soul wanted to go towards in order to make an impact on the world.

So tonight I am simply going to share my own story and my vision in the hopes that it strikes a chord with people and encourages people to examine their daily beliefs and actions, and evaluate what they can do within their own lives, to achieve that magical happiness that everyone is so desperately seeking in this world right now.

Two years ago, at the age of 26, I found myself in my first adult job, struggling to keep my head above water from all the stress in my life, when I let my emotions get out of control, and I decided to give up on life. I walked into my boss’ office and told her I simply couldn’t do it anymore, and that I sincerely appreciated the opportunity, but I had nothing left in me to continue on. I had already lined up a position with my former employer – a great company that I had worked at for 3 years until I decided that it was time for me to pursue a more challenging career, because I was bored there. Now here I was, failing at the new challenge that I had sought out, fleeing back to the safety of a job that I knew would bring me no internal satisfaction, because hey, at least it was easy…

I left my big girl job that day feeling more defeated and miserable than I had ever felt before in my life. I went home to my apartment and sat on my living room chair in silence, not moving for hours, just screaming at myself in my head trying to figure out just what the hell I was doing. I knew giving up was the wrong decision. I knew that taking the easier option was not going to make me happy. I knew all of this, and after the initial paralyzing fog wore off… I knew I had to fix my mistake.

I called my boss the next morning and told her I had made a huge mistake, and if there was anything that I could possibly do to correct that mistake – I would do it. She agreed to meet me that afternoon and talk. After talking with her that afternoon it became very clear that I was struggling with a number of things in my life, which coupled with the stress from work, had just become too much for me to handle. What my boss was able to show me that day was that this didn’t mean that I wasn’t cut out for my position, it just meant that I needed some help and some guidance on how to better understand not only myself, but life in general. My boss offered me a deal –  I could have my job back if I agreed to start seeing a counselor – someone to help me deal with all of the issues in my life that were clearly limiting my ability to live a happy life. I agreed, I got my job back, and I set up my first session with a counselor.

That is the moment where my life change began.

I have been seeing my counselor for 2 years now, and I have transformed from that girl who was depressed and struggling to make it day to day – to a strong and confident woman who sees no challenge as something too big to overcome. I have to say, it is one of the best feelings in the world knowing that there is nothing in this world that cannot be achieved when you put your mind to it.

Previously, I would let my emotions run rampant and create perceptions that I accepted as reality, which then influenced me to make decisions based on things that weren’t even true. Everyone goes through things in their life that shape their perception of reality. What I learned is that we have to overcome those false ideas and always focus on the facts. Look at what you know to be true, and forget everything else. Assumptions, made up facts, and flat out lies – are easy to see through when you really focus on achieving the truth in every situation.

Once I focused on finding the truth in my life, I found that I had been lying to myself about a lot of things for a long time. As a natural born people pleaser, I always wanted to appear as though everything was great. This behavior led to me never acknowledging things that were in fact not great and not ok in my life. I had unresolved issues going all the way back to my early childhood. There were decisions that I made as a child that I knew were wrong, but I couldn’t see the harm that they were causing, so I lied to myself and convinced myself that it wasn’t wrong and that it wasn’t hurting anyone so it really didn’t matter.

Looking back I can see that those choices and situations that I let myself be a part of… shaped everything about the person who I grew up to be. My issues created a lack of self esteem, a lack of confidence, and a misguided perception of what I deserved in life. I didn’t believe I deserved good things, so I never pushed myself to do better or to make better choices.  I spent my life subconsciously sabotaging myself. With the help of my counselor, I finally confronted those decisions that I had spent a lifetime pretending I didn’t make. I finally dealt with the pain that it had caused me and admitted to myself that it was in fact a big deal, and it did matter. Then after I admitted them to myself, I told my close friends as well. I knew it wasn’t anything that would impact their perception of me, but I had never told anyone these things so until that moment, I never really knew if anyone would ever truly accept the real me.

My friends not only accepted me, but they gave me the support and feedback that I needed in order to know that I was doing the right thing, and that I had nothing to be ashamed of. My shame, my burden, and my guilt all almost completely faded away in that one day. I think of that as the day that my long time depression finally lifted, and I finally felt free to truly be happy.

Coincidentally, that happened right before I went on vacation to Florida for 8 days of R&R on the beach. I spent that vacation in the most serene and relaxed state that I have ever experienced. My mind was clear, my conscious was clear, and I was more relaxed and unburdened than I had ever been.

I came home from that vacation more enthused and ecstatic about life than ever before. I found myself pursuing goals and passions that I had thought about previously, but never had the motivation to go for. I  joined an improv class, I started meditating, I joined a writer’s group, and maybe most importantly… I found God.

After a lifetime growing up with my religious to a fault mother, 14 years of private school, and countless summers spent at vacation bible school – I found God at the age of 28 while I was meditating on top of a hill in Forest Park.  After focusing my mind, finding my mental happy place of calm and relaxation, I opened my eyes… and I just saw God. I suddenly felt his presence in everything around me, I saw his face in the clouds above me, I saw his connection with all of the living things around me, and simply put: I felt the power of God as the Master and Creator of Life. In that one moment everything I had ever known or heard about God the Almighty, God the Great, and God the Omnipotent Power – I suddenly knew it all to be true. I not only knew it all to be true, but I immediately felt a connection to this Greater Energy force, and in that moment, I knew that all the power that I saw around me… was also within me. That moment of realization is hands down the single best moment of my life so far. That is the moment that I realized that there was nothing in this life that I could not conquer.

… That experience is something I may never have achieved if just two years earlier I had let myself give up, taken the easy way out, and never admitted that maybe I needed some help to figure out my life.

Don’t ever be afraid to seek out help. The greatest minds of our time had plenty of help figuring life out. Every person can use a fresh perspective at times to help you see things a little bit different. Perhaps even a little bit clearer.

We live in a time where the easy button is a real thing, and it is incredibly easy to set your life to auto pilot, and just sail through life without ever actually living.

Which is why more than anything else in this world, we HAVE to push ourselves to face the hard truths and do the hard work in order to find our TRUE happiness.

Don’t let life pass you by on easy street.

Find your truth in life. No matter how hard it is to face at first, I promise it will be one of the best things you ever do for yourself.