Posts Tagged ‘challenge

I have been bombarded with fear lately. Fears of success, fears of intimacy, fears of being loved, fear of love, fears of abandonment, fears of rejection… all of these mental road block fears. I’m not sure if it’s because I am more aware of them, or if it is just the energy of the universe pushing them to the top of my psyche, but this fear has even manifested in my physical world, causing me to be so scared in certain moments in life recently. My hands shaking, my heart racing, fear gripping my every move.

I’ve never been so overcome with so much blatant fear.

Or have I?

Sure, these fears are amplified right now, but they were always there. Always hiding out in my subconscious. Quietly telling my mind what I cannot do, and overtly sabotaging my own self.

Fear has one purpose. To restrict. To keep us locked away from our highest potential. To trick our minds into believing that anything is out of reach.

Nothing is out of reach. We are each the infinite source of love and light and we have the power to create anything we wish to create in this life. We control our destiny.

Fear is a real construct within the mind though. It does require knowledge, patience, and understanding in order to be fought.

Mostly, it requires recognition of fear itself. We must recognize when our decisions are being shaped in fear, and openly work towards working our way through that fear.

We have to face the uncomfortableness of the world beyond the limits of our fears. The world where anything is actually possible.

For me that is a fearful thing, because I am afraid of my highest and best self. I have a fear of success. My mind constantly interjects doubt, limits, and disbelief onto my ideas because of this.

So how do I over come this? How do any of us over come fear?

By choosing to believe that we can do anything. By recognizing the negative beliefs that come up in our mind.

BY TAKING ACTION. I think that is most important. Fear can be paralyzing, so above all we need to keep moving forward. Keep pushing toward our goals. Do not let fear paralyze you in the worry of how, and what, and just focus on the doing of what is in front of you right now.

Also by pushing ourselves outside of our comfort zones. Fear loves keeping us in our bubbles. So when a challenge arises, embrace it! Know that it will make you grow, and see the happy fulfillment that lies within the challenge instead of the fear.

These are the things I will be pushing myself on. I hope perhaps this helps some of you face your fears as well.

Go forth, AND BE FEARLESS!!!!!


– Christine


Today marks day 99 of my sobriety mission, so I thought I would take a minute to reflect on the journey so far. When I started this mission, I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to accomplish. In my mind I set a goal of 90 days and decided I would re-evaluate things at that point. So here we are just over 90 days, and so much has changed in my life.

First and foremost, I bought a house. Granted I had been building towards this goal for most of 2016, but I still think that being sober really helped me push myself these past few months to be able to achieve all that I really had to do with this house. Including saving every last cent, because houses ain’t cheap! So the money savings has definitely been very beneficial, but the time and energy savings has been crucial to my adulting success as well.

I think the biggest benefit to not drinking though has been that I am never hung over. My weekend mornings are filled with projects and productivity instead of sleeping until noon, and then stuffing my face with bad food because I have no will power not to. Which brings me to another added benefit, I don’t find myself dying to eat anything and everything when I come home from a night out, which has been great for my waistline! Not to mention I just physically feel a lot better. Drinking is just poisoning your body, and keeping my body toxin free for 99 days has left me feeling pretty good.

Another benefit to not drinking? I remember everything! I remember new people who I meet when I am out. I remember every conversations that I have when I am out. I remember everything that everyone else who is drinking does or says, so I can remind them about it later when I know they aren’t going to remember what their drunk self actually said. Not that I was blacking out left and right before, but my nights always ended on a bit of a fuzzy note. It’s a good feeling going home knowing what happened, and knowing I won’t wake up in the morning full of regret for the choices that drunk me made the night before.

That brings me to another point, I have less regret! Being able to maintain my self control all night long leads to much less regret over my words and actions the next day. I definitely don’t miss the feeling of waking up and dreading looking at my phone for fear of what drunk me decided to text out into the world the night before.

Maintaining my self control to not drink in the first place has not been without challenge. There have been plenty of nights over the past 99 days where I have wanted to have a drink. Drinking “takes the edge off”, sort of. It is an easy way for us check out of reality for a little while. Spend 99 days in reality, and trust me, you will be quite eager for a break from it. That is life though. Life is hard, it is challenging, it is a struggle!! Everyday I make it through that struggle without needing to take a break though… makes me feel stronger and more capable of handling whatever challenges life has to throw my way.

To be honest, not drinking has mostly opened my eyes to the fact that as a society we have a major drinking problem. I don’t want to criticize everyone who drinks, however, if you are having more than 2 drinks every time you go out, I wonder if you have ever stopped to question why. What benefits is drinking bringing to your life? I know its the social thing to do, it makes you feel a little more loose, maybe it even makes you feel like you are having more fun than what you really are when you are out. At the end of it all though when you have had one too many and you start acting a bit foolish, what good are you really doing for yourself at that point?

I really don’t want to come off sounding judgmental of those who want to drink, but after making this journey myself, I can’t help but to want it for everyone else around me. I will admit, as much as I have wanted to drink, deep down I really haven’t because I know I will just be bringing out a lesser version of myself. As someone who is very into raising my consciousness and expanding my mind into higher levels of life… doing anything which brings myself down a few notches mentally is pretty counter intuitive to my overall goals for life. I have figured out how I achieve more in life, and I can’t help but want that for everyone else.

Also, it wasn’t until I wasn’t drinking that I realized how much alcohol is promoted in our world. As someone who believes that higher powers are continuously trying to suppress the masses, it has been very eye opening to realize how big of a role alcohol actually plays in keeping people locked into the lower levels of consciousness. Especially in St. Louis, home of Anheuser Busch, you are hard pressed to go more than a block or two anywhere in the city without seeing some kind of subliminal message to drink alcohol. We are being programmed to always drink. Anything the powers that be are trying to program me to do… are exactly the things I’m keen on staying away from these days. Just some food for thought.

Bottom line: I am 99 days sober, and I feel fantastic. Yes, life has been admittedly a bit harder, however, it’s so true, no pain, no gain! Discovering that facing life struggles head on, and sober, is the best way to level up in life… has been a wonderful and very welcome reward in my life. I can’t wait to see where this journey takes me.

Much love to you all!

– Christine





A person very close to me in life had his heart shattered this week when he found out his fiance was leaving him.She had become close with someone else, someone my friend knew and had suspected of being too close for a long time. He had asked his fiance repeatedly to stop contacting this person, and questioned why she felt the need to include him in everything in their life. She never had a good response other than that they were just friends, and it wasn’t a big deal. Which maybe it wasn’t… until she decided she wanted to be with this other person. Something she perhaps knew all along, if she had only stopped to actually listen to her heart.

As someone who spent the majority of 2016 feeling heartbroken, my heart ached especially hard for my friend when I heard this news. I know the pain and mental anguish that he is feeling right now, and will undoubtedly be feeling for the next few months. I know the feelings of self doubt and inadequacy that will fill his head as he wonders what he could have done differently. I know that his ability to open himself up and trust someone again is going to take a lot more strength the next time around. However, I also know that he will hopefully learn a great lesson from all of this. I know that he will find new focus and direction in his life, and ultimately end up in a better place. I know that he will come out better on the other side, eventually.

When I look at this heartbreak and my own, I do see a common theme though: Understanding and Communication. In my own experience I lacked the ability to understand my own feelings enough to be able to communicate them to my partner. I am someone who focuses mostly on external factors in life, so without realizing it, I tend to project my own short comings onto other people as if it is their problem, and not mine. That is the M.O. my external seeking personality has come up with as a way for me to be able to figure out my problems, because the only way I will notice the problem is if I think it’s someone else’s problem. It took me a long time to understand that, and it was only after I pushed my love away that I was forced to take a long look at myself and see that the problem was actually me.

When I think about my friend’s fiance, I know her and I are very similar in nature, and I can only guess, but I feel that she too could not see that her own inability to communicate her true feelings is what drove her to feel somewhat alone in their relationship. After spending enough time in that place, it became easier for her to seek out another person to fill that void rather than to face the hard work of figuring out herself and her own imperfections, and communicating those issues to her partner. Because that’s what real love does, it brings out our biggest imperfections and puts them front and center in our life to finally deal with. I guess in a way it’s nice that life waits until we have a partner to lean on in order to deal with those bigger issues. However, it’s not nice in that we don’t have more of a heads up that this major test is headed our way. A test I feel that many people don’t understand until it gets the better of them and they give up before they make it through to the other side.

It is easy to fall in love with someone. It is not easy to maintain and grow in love. True love requires patience, with yourself and with your partner, as you navigate both of your short comings and imperfections. It requires commitment to each other as you figure out those challenges within yourself and work to overcome them. It requires great understanding and communication. Your partner is there to help you, to show you things you can’t see on your own, to be the light at the end of the tunnel when it gets really hard to keep pushing forward, but only if you trust them enough to truly let them in to do so. Love is one of the greatest gifts this world has to offer. However, we would never really appreciate the depth of that gift if we didn’t have to work really hard for it.

To anyone out there going through heartbreak right now, first off, I just want to reach out and give you a big hug. Secondly, I want to tell you that through this pain you will learn and you will grow, and you will end up more ready for that true love that is out there waiting for you. Some love comes into our life to teach us a lesson that we need in that moment, and once that lesson has been taught that love fades away in order to give room to a greater love that was always out there waiting for us. I truly believe this. To anyone that is struggling in love right now, I want to encourage you to look within and be honest with yourself about what it is that you want and need in your life. Be honest with your partner and communicate those feelings. Together you will be able to better figure out if your relationship is the right one for both of you or not, and if it is, your love for one another will bring you the strength that is needed in order to overcome the challenges you are facing. To anyone that has weathered the storms with their partner and succeeded in growing in love for one another, to you I say congratulations. You have achieved one of the greatest things in life, and while you will most certainly continue to face challenges in life, you can rest a little easier knowing you will not have to face them alone.

Stay strong beautiful souls, and be assured that love is out there for you. Through the darkness we will find the light. ❤

– Christine