StLSass

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I never got senior pictures when I was in high school. With everything going on with my legs and cancer, I was never quite in a glorified state that I wanted to memorialize during my youth. My mother did take a lot of pictures of our family though. Like, too many pictures, she was the mom who had to make sure she got a picture of everyone hanging out, with the cake, and of course soon as anyone went to take their first bite of food. I can see how my draw to taking a lot of selfies somehow comes from my moms picture taking culture meets girl who never had professional pictures taken and always wanted them. That’s me, that is how I have longingly felt about having professional pictures taken of me for around 14 years now.

Even as an adult I have always envied professionals with any kind of professional photo. I also somehow kept missing professional picture day at all the places I’ve worked at. It was just never my time. However, this past weekend when I was invited to a brainstorming/head shot photo taking meet up, I decided this was the day, it was finally time. Between my blog, comedy/story telling, and all the side gigs I am creating, having a selfie as my most professional photo just wasn’t cutting it any more. So I scheduled a blow out, and cleared my morning.

The Meetup was at the photographer’s, Becky,  house which is where she has her studio, BSE Photography. Kirsten Caywood, owner of Mirror Image Lifestyle Fitness, had pulled us all together for an uplifting morning of brainstorming and picture taking. We had so much fun listening to each other’s ideas and exchanging tips, it was very serendipitous that we had the group of women that we did. 💗

After sharing our ideas, Becky led us down to her amazing studio, complete with beautiful dresses, props, and more. We kept the laughter and good vibes flowing from upstairs and what resulted from this wonderful morning, was Becky capturing my whole essence in one picture. If I had to imagine myself, it would be just like this, my eyes twinkling with the laughter that is about to come roaring out of me.  That’s probably my favorite look in my eye, of all my looks in the eyes.

Becky sent me over the photos last night and it made me so incredibly happy inside to see them. I had to take a minute, and just sit in gratitude for the journey that has led me to this place. I was also suddenly overcome with joy that I had saved having my professional picture taking up until this point, because the woman in this picture is not only gorgeous, but she is 100% in love with everything about life. Being that that has not always been the case for me, made the moment and her picture that much more special to me.


My heart is so full. Thank you Becky for capturing such a special moment. 💗

Have a beautiful weekend all!

– Christine

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News of the Jason Stockley verdict has just dropped here in St. Louis. Another instance of a rogue cop shooting a most likely unarmed black man. (A gun was planted on the victim, a gun which only contained the DNA of the cop, and not the mans.) This cop was not only carrying his own personal AK-47, but was also heard on camera saying “gonna kill this motherfucker.” These are the facts, yet still, this morning, St. Louis Judge Timothy Wilson announced that he did not have enough evidence to conclude there was any wrong doing. As news of the verdict here spreads, people on both sides are angry and on edge.

As a white woman… I want to go on record to my other fellow white St. Louisans. I know you don’t want to see our city in distress, and you don’t want to see protests and riots erupting all over town, for fear of how they are going to impact the traffic as you travel to the Balloon Glow, or the U2 Concert, or Ed Sheeran. I know that is what so many of you are currently upset about. However, I have news for you, the distress and disrupt that our city is in for, is nothing compared to the distress and pain that the people of color are currently feeling in our community. They are hurt, angry, and currently feeling a lot like they don’t matter, because cops are killing them and getting away with it at an alarming rate in our city. On top of that, they can feel the indifference of the white community to their injustice. They know all you are concerned about is your peaceful bubble and it not being disturbed. THAT’S the problem. POC do not have a peaceful bubble to live in. They do not have the privilege of not caring or being indifferent to these situations any more because members of their community are being shot and killed, unlawfully, by police who are walking away free and clear.

Imagine this same scenario happening in West County to an affluent white kid. There would be plenty of uproar to hearing that a cop pulled out his own personal AK-47, which was illegal for him to even have on him, and maliciously mutter, “gonna kill this motherfucker”, and then that cop is acquitted of all wrong doing. I don’t think any of us could say that we don’t think the outcome of the situation would be slightly different had this happened to a white man vs. a black man.

St. Louis has a deeply entrenched racial divide. There is no denying that. What that presents us with though, is also the opportunity to bridge the racial divide not just for our city, but as an example to the entire nation. This weekend we will be in the national spot light. Imagine if the message coming out of our city was not one of violent protests and riots, but instead one of our whole community coming together in unity and solidarity against the System. The systems of our government which perpetrate these gross missteps of justices are the real enemy. That fact should be concerning to all of us who value our freedom. Our government loves the racial divide. They love keeping us distracted, pitted against one another, and angry at the wrong things. We are smarter than that though. We can all see that today the system has failed all of us. So it is up to us ALL to take a stand against this injustice. If we truly want to restore peace to our city, we must do so together. Standing up for what is right, together.

So, to my fellow St. Louis citizens who are currently turning in your chairs with angst about how these protests and riots are going to disrupt your weekend plans… I think you need to take a closer look at this situation. I think you need to really understand how your rights have been violated today as well. I think you need to pull out your sharpies, and your construction board and make your own signs, and join all the men and women downtown and around our city today in taking a stand. In the least, we need to recognize that this issues is impacting and affecting all of us, and that it is going to take participation from all of us in order to make a difference. We can only create a real change when we all go at it together. This is not a problem for the black community, this is a problem for the St. Louis community. Remember that.

God Bless St. Louis, stay safe.

– Christine

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I don’t know about you, but for me, August was jam packed with stuff. Work was crazy, my house was busy (Oh, I am renting my house on AirBNB now, check it out!), and there was also no shortage of relationship insights and revelations via the men in my life.

I spent the last week in Florida with my family, enjoying the ocean air and sun, and after such a jam packed month… I spent the week reveling in disconnecting from all my responsibilities and tasks, and let myself enjoy not having to do a damn thing if I didn’t want to. It was great.

However, as the month wraps up, I am back at work this week, back on the mental grind of figuring out where I am steering this ship that is my life, and back at this game of trying to force myself to write.

I believe more than anything what I am taking away from this busy month (which was also jam packed with celestial energy, pushing us all to new heights of self growth revelations), is the gift of being present in each moment. Mentally, I often find myself dwelling in the past, or worrying about the future, yet, this month which so much going on, I was forced to focus on the present moment more than normal, which was good. It was a bit foreign to me though. I didn’t fully embrace the present moment for all that it could have offered. Looking back on several moments, I can see that my relationships and connections may have stood to gain more meaning had I opened myself up in certain situations.

I react instinctively to so many situations, with a set response or reaction, that has just been my go to response for so very long, that I rarely look at each situation in the present moment to recognize the uniqueness of this situation and appreciate it for what it is. Later, as I sit and reflect, I will often see how I missed out in the moment because I didn’t see it for what it truly was. I live in a land of assumptions, which I now see are keeping me from living more fully in the present. So, as this past eclipse brings with it the strong energy of change and the ability to see ourselves and our flaws more clearly, I can now see the impact that living a more present life could have for me… and I am excited to push myself in this area of growth.

For me personally, the eclipse, which was on the 28 degree of Leo, falls into the 8th House in my birth chart. The 8th house rules sexuality, commitments, intimacy, and metamorphosis. What this means, is that for the next 6 months (as we continue to soak in the full effect of the eclipse for 6 months), if I focus on those areas I will be able to see my inherent flaws in these areas with much more clarity, thereby giving me a greater ability to change them. With realizing the effects of my challenges with assumptions and being present, I can already see the potential positive effects that this period of change will bring to my life. Because of this… I do see that I may be more reclusive over the next 6 months. Saving more time for myself, to better understand my challenges in these areas, and also investing more of myself into the interactions that I do have with people… which will end up taking more out of me, and thereby leaving me more selective about whom I spend my time with.

These are the insights that this powerful and busy month has left me with, and if you don’t see me out as much in the next few months, this is why.

It is a very powerful time right now for transformation. Take some time to look at your life, and see how the flaws in your mental thought process may be holding you back. The Universe is conspiring to disseminate radical change right now, within our lives and on a grand scale in our world as well. Step back, see where your beliefs are limiting you, know that you are a being of pure light and love who is capable of doing anything you set your mind to, and know that change, while sometimes hard, is now so very necessary for us all. ❤

Talk soon,

– Christine

 

PS. If you are interested in finding out about how this eclipse affects you personally, I am offering free eclipse insights to the first five readers to respond. Comment on FB, or reach out directly at STLSass1s@gmail.com  ❤

 

Advice

I heard some thing last week that has helped me find the strength that I have needed to find in order to move forward in several areas of my life that have been stagnant lately. It is so simple, and also something I knew, but there is a difference between knowing something and being told some thing is in fact right by a teacher or outside person. Hearing this from a third party was the added confirmation that I needed to take this advice to heart.

The pearl of wisdom I received…

“If you ever feel that there is something that you uncontrollably HAVE to do, or just HAVE to say to someone… that is your sign that you should not say or do that thing.”

I know full well when I shouldn’t contact an ex, or have one more drink, or whatever, HOWEVER, so many times that little voice creeps in my head to convince me of just exactly why I not only should do said thing, but that I HAVE to do it. I’m really great at convincing myself to do things that I previously told myself I would not do because doing said things is actually very unhealthy for me. My ego’s go to convincing argument almost always includes the words, “because you just have to!”, in the most life will be in dire straits if you don’t do it kind of way.

You know what though? I don’t HAVE to do anything. Life will go on, things will progress exactly as they were meant to, and I don’t HAVE to DO anything to make it otherwise.

Over the past week, I have caught myself saying the HAVE TO phrase to myself more times than I care to admit. It has been extremely eye opening AND rewarding forcing myself to look really hard at why I am really trying to convince myself to do something. Any time I get so deep that I am telling myself it’s because I just have to, I’m really grasping for straws at that point as to why I can allow myself to do something that clearly goes against my own greater good.

Humans are funny creatures like that. Our ego’s have a way of convincing us, in the moment, to do things that really only serve the ego, and serve the purpose of holding us back from our true potential. The more we pause, and restrict, the less we live from our naturally reactive state of chaos.

Anyways, that was a great piece of advice that I have implemented this past week, which has already helped me really cut through all the crap I try to tell myself at times, and stick with the higher road for my own good. I hope it can help some of you as well!

Peace and Love,

– Christine

 

 

I don’t think it takes a person being in St. Louis for very long, for them to get a hot tip to check out brunch at Southwest Diner. It is a popular eatery, with a great reputation, and from what I’ve always heard, very good food.

However, despite the numerous times it has been recommended to me, it was not until just last weekend that I actually ventured to this local staple to finally check it out. The reason for my delayed visit? Well, and I believe this is the reason that perhaps a lot of people tend to steer clear of this trendy diner, is because when you drive by the place it always has people lined up in the streets outside waiting making it seem as though you are going to have to wait until clear past noon to get a spot in the place. Just driving by and seeing the line has deterred me from checking it out countless times prior.

I am here to tell you all though… you cannot judge this book by it’s cover. After finally taking an opportunity to check it out, I found out two things immediately upon arrival that made me understand why people were lining up in droves. 1) The place is much bigger on the inside than it seems. It looks deceivingly small from the outside, however, inside it has quite an ample sized dining room with room for a lot more people than you would think, which means the wait moves a long a lot fast than I would have originally thought. 2) While you wait, there is an air conditioned bus on the side of the building where you can hang out, get free coffee, and buy a boozy drink if you like! What?? Okay, now this waiting business is really not so bad.

My friend and local scholar, Brandon Reinert, (The bus bartender, and also all around great guy to strike up a conversation about life with) noted if you have a smaller party, as in only two people, you probably won’t have to wait long at all. Larger parties are where the longer wait times may kick in, but again… free coffee and bus with a bartender? Not a bad situation. So after checking in, and grabbing a screw driver on the bus, chatting up Brandon for a minute, we didn’t even have time to take a seat before our name was being called.

After getting situated in our seat at the bar, I ordered a breakfast burrito, with a side of biscuits and gravy (because I was hormonal and felt I needed all the food), and my friend ordered eggs and potatoes, both meals comprised of solid breakfast staple foods, as if to say, “Alright Southwest Diner show us what you got.”

Let me tell you, what they’ve got is amazing food. Case in point:

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I’m no instagram foodie pic specialist, but take my word for it guys, this food was superb. The burrito, which was a vegan sausage breakfast burrito, had the perfect temperament  of spicy, but not overly spicy, and add in their guacamole (not pictured), and I was in heaven. The biscuits and gravy, also superb. Their biscuit was a handmade lump of perfection topped off with just the right amount of gravy… and I do mean perfect, because just tad more and I would have been on gravy overload, and a tad less and it wouldn’t have been enough to squelch my gravy craving. My friend’s seasoned potatoes and eggs were both also at the peak of brunch perfection.

By the time I finished my food I was amazed that I had let the made up notion of ridiculously long wait times keep me from the deliciousness that was Southwest Diner. Coupled with it’s cool music, chill vibes, and a dope party bus to sip drinks on while you wait, Southwest Diner really does have it all.

So if you are like me, and have been dissuaded by the perception of a long wait thus far, don’t worry, it’s really not so bad. Plus you can hang out and grab a drink or some coffee from Brandon on the bus while you wait, it’s a win/win!

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Enjoy the weekend all!

– Christine

 

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How was your weekend?

Were you highly emotional and perhaps even overly aggressive towards people?

Did you get any gut feelings this weekend that it was time to make a big change in life?

Time to take a stand??

Time to do that thing that you know you should be doing but that you have been making mental excuses as to why you can’t actually do them???

If you can relate to any of the above, you are not alone. This weekend we had a full moon that was the most powerful full moon we will experience this year. It brought forth feelings and emotions that may have caused us to act out, think really hard, or even become super crazy.

Myself? I went through a gambit of emotions and thoughts over the past few days.

Friday morning, after thinking about some of my fears, I decided to research the Fear of Abandonment, as that was one I hadn’t really looked at directly yet. What I found was an article describing seven things that a person with a fear of abandonment will do in a relationship that can push their partner away. Reading that list, I felt as though I was reading a play by play of my last relationship and how I systematically self imploded the whole thing. I mean, I have known that I self destructed in that relationship, that was very clear. But seeing my behavior pin pointed so directly to classic symptoms of the fear of abandonment… just made me so upset. So upset in fact, that I was overwhelmed with extreme emotion the rest of the day. I even had to close my office door at work because I couldn’t stop bawling my eyes out. I think I was mostly upset because it was very clear to me just how hard my ego is willing to go in order to block me from having love in my life. I saw myself in a new light where I was finally able to recognize that the reason I can’t find love is because the more someone tries to love me, the harder my ego will try to push them away and hurt them. For perhaps the first time ever, I saw just how deeply hurt and broken I truly am… and it devastated me.

I did not wallow in this pain though. I cried it out as I also kept telling myself that it’s okay, now I know, and now that I know I can begin to work on that side of myself more. Then I cried some more, because I know I’m at the beginning of a very long road, and well, I’m impatient and the thought of having to take another 2-3 years before I can be capable of truly loving someone is just highly upsetting to me. The psychic I went to see in February did say I would have four more years of being single though, which at the time I thought that sounded a bit dramatic… however, now I get it.

So after a roller coaster of emotions all day Friday I did what I always do when I need some cheering up. I went to a comedy show. I got some much needed laughter in my life, and Friday night I went to bed feeling relatively okay.

Saturday I woke up feeling pretty good. I went to meet up with some friends for brunch, and as I was waiting for them, my mind started focusing on another problem area in my life: my drinking. My problem with drinking is that I lose all ability to maintain self-control when I am drinking. The more I thought about that, I thought about how I also recently became more aware that I have major control issues in my life. Suddenly I realized that I have been using drinking as an excuse to give up control in life, because I am so controlling normally that I don’t know how else to let go. As it goes with situations in life though, because I have refused to acknowledge this problem it has manifested as a bigger and bigger problem in my life, to the point to where now if I even take one sip of alcohol, I automatically give myself permission to go balls to the wall out of control and make extremely unhealthy choices for my life. So as I was sitting and assessing this whole situation, I realized that my real problem is with control in my life, and that’s where I need to start focusing some energy to figure myself out. Another great self realization, however, also another problem I can foresee taking years for me to truly figure out…. yaaayyyyyy.

Then last night I had an interesting dream. In this dream I was decorating and setting up a new home, when suddenly a murderer was breaking in and chasing me and my friends through the neighborhood. At one point, he got me pretty good with a stab wound to my side, which was actually pretty painful. However, the pain didn’t keep me down for long, and towards the end of the dream, I had taken to hunting the murderer myself. I actually tracked down his secret lair, and was in the process of trying to figure out his next move so that I could capture him myself, when I woke up. After I woke up, I googled what it means if you are being chased by a murderer in your dreams. What I found is that the theme of being chased by someone in a dream typically represents some aspect or fear within yourself that you are perhaps running from. Given that interpretation, I found a sliver of hope within my murderous dream. Yes, I have a significant fear of abandonment, and severe control issues… they are the painful stab wound to my side. However, I have now found them out, I recognize them, I have found their secret lair and I can now plot my best plan of attack to finally defeat them! I don’t think it was coincidence that I woke up in the fact finding stage either. That is where I am at in life. I am now aware of my issues, and so it is time that I work to gather the facts and make a plan on how I defeat them going forward. There is hope, and it might take some time, but I feel more confident about my path forward than ever before.

This full moon was indeed a powerful one.

I am so grateful that we live in a Universe full of energetic tides preparing us and pushing us towards our best selves at all times. The Universe wants us to succeed. It is constantly presenting us with opportunities and chances to learn and be better.  However, it is up to notice those opportunities and seize them. This is why I am so into astrology, because it gives us some clues as to what type of energy is swirling about in the Universe at any given moment, and also how we can best apply that energy to our own energetic makeup in order to further our own growth and understanding. It is a truly amazing and powerful tool.

If you are interested in any kind of information about astrology and how you can start using this powerful tool in your life, reach out and let me know. I would love to speak with you and see how I can help.

Thanks for reading everyone, HAPPY MONDAY!!

– Christine

I say a lot of things, particularly in regards to my dating life and what I would and would not accept in a man, however, I thought it might be time to set the record straight.

There is one thing that a man must have in order for me to fall for him, and that is the ability to make me laugh. If you can take anything I say to you and turn it back to me with a witty remark and an indignant look that elicits a laugh out of me, I probably already have a crush on you.

In addition to laughter, I also need a man with intelligence. The kind that can back me up with sound logic when my reasoning of “because it’s Gemini season” doesn’t satisfy whomever I may be explaining life to at any given moment, lol. I deal in the realm of the ether… because of that I appreciate men who are in the know on a lot of things and are there to back me up with knowledge, whether they understand my crazy logic or not.

Which brings me to another important quality: patience. I need a man that understands the importance of patience in getting to know someone and start a relationship. Someone that is willing to take their time and develop a friendship first and see where that goes. It takes a long time for me to open up to someone and for them to really know who I truly am. I have a lot of scars that I like to pretend aren’t there, and so only when I know someone truly isn’t going somewhere do I begin to open about these things. 

Lastly, I want a man that can talk to me, tell me what he is feeling, and be open enough to listen to me talk about my feelings and figure out what I’m feeling as I say it. I work things out as I speak, so I can’t have someone that takes everything I say literally. I need a man who will help me work out my thoughts, question me as I talk, and make me think about what it is that I am really trying to say.

These are the things that I want. Nothing else really matters. You would think the combo of all of these things wouldn’t be so hard to find, but it has been. I guess because I’m not always looking either. I have faith the universe will put the right man in my path when I am ready and life will make it all happen.

So cheers to the Universe for making it happen.

Happy Monday!

– Christine

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