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Advice

I heard some thing last week that has helped me find the strength that I have needed to find in order to move forward in several areas of my life that have been stagnant lately. It is so simple, and also something I knew, but there is a difference between knowing something and being told some thing is in fact right by a teacher or outside person. Hearing this from a third party was the added confirmation that I needed to take this advice to heart.

The pearl of wisdom I received…

“If you ever feel that there is something that you uncontrollably HAVE to do, or just HAVE to say to someone… that is your sign that you should not say or do that thing.”

I know full well when I shouldn’t contact an ex, or have one more drink, or whatever, HOWEVER, so many times that little voice creeps in my head to convince me of just exactly why I not only should do said thing, but that I HAVE to do it. I’m really great at convincing myself to do things that I previously told myself I would not do because doing said things is actually very unhealthy for me. My ego’s go to convincing argument almost always includes the words, “because you just have to!”, in the most life will be in dire straits if you don’t do it kind of way.

You know what though? I don’t HAVE to do anything. Life will go on, things will progress exactly as they were meant to, and I don’t HAVE to DO anything to make it otherwise.

Over the past week, I have caught myself saying the HAVE TO phrase to myself more times than I care to admit. It has been extremely eye opening AND rewarding forcing myself to look really hard at why I am really trying to convince myself to do something. Any time I get so deep that I am telling myself it’s because I just have to, I’m really grasping for straws at that point as to why I can allow myself to do something that clearly goes against my own greater good.

Humans are funny creatures like that. Our ego’s have a way of convincing us, in the moment, to do things that really only serve the ego, and serve the purpose of holding us back from our true potential. The more we pause, and restrict, the less we live from our naturally reactive state of chaos.

Anyways, that was a great piece of advice that I have implemented this past week, which has already helped me really cut through all the crap I try to tell myself at times, and stick with the higher road for my own good. I hope it can help some of you as well!

Peace and Love,

– Christine

 

 

I don’t think it takes a person being in St. Louis for very long, for them to get a hot tip to check out brunch at Southwest Diner. It is a popular eatery, with a great reputation, and from what I’ve always heard, very good food.

However, despite the numerous times it has been recommended to me, it was not until just last weekend that I actually ventured to this local staple to finally check it out. The reason for my delayed visit? Well, and I believe this is the reason that perhaps a lot of people tend to steer clear of this trendy diner, is because when you drive by the place it always has people lined up in the streets outside waiting making it seem as though you are going to have to wait until clear past noon to get a spot in the place. Just driving by and seeing the line has deterred me from checking it out countless times prior.

I am here to tell you all though… you cannot judge this book by it’s cover. After finally taking an opportunity to check it out, I found out two things immediately upon arrival that made me understand why people were lining up in droves. 1) The place is much bigger on the inside than it seems. It looks deceivingly small from the outside, however, inside it has quite an ample sized dining room with room for a lot more people than you would think, which means the wait moves a long a lot fast than I would have originally thought. 2) While you wait, there is an air conditioned bus on the side of the building where you can hang out, get free coffee, and buy a boozy drink if you like! What?? Okay, now this waiting business is really not so bad.

My friend and local scholar, Brandon Reinert, (The bus bartender, and also all around great guy to strike up a conversation about life with) noted if you have a smaller party, as in only two people, you probably won’t have to wait long at all. Larger parties are where the longer wait times may kick in, but again… free coffee and bus with a bartender? Not a bad situation. So after checking in, and grabbing a screw driver on the bus, chatting up Brandon for a minute, we didn’t even have time to take a seat before our name was being called.

After getting situated in our seat at the bar, I ordered a breakfast burrito, with a side of biscuits and gravy (because I was hormonal and felt I needed all the food), and my friend ordered eggs and potatoes, both meals comprised of solid breakfast staple foods, as if to say, “Alright Southwest Diner show us what you got.”

Let me tell you, what they’ve got is amazing food. Case in point:

swdiner.JPG

I’m no instagram foodie pic specialist, but take my word for it guys, this food was superb. The burrito, which was a vegan sausage breakfast burrito, had the perfect temperament  of spicy, but not overly spicy, and add in their guacamole (not pictured), and I was in heaven. The biscuits and gravy, also superb. Their biscuit was a handmade lump of perfection topped off with just the right amount of gravy… and I do mean perfect, because just tad more and I would have been on gravy overload, and a tad less and it wouldn’t have been enough to squelch my gravy craving. My friend’s seasoned potatoes and eggs were both also at the peak of brunch perfection.

By the time I finished my food I was amazed that I had let the made up notion of ridiculously long wait times keep me from the deliciousness that was Southwest Diner. Coupled with it’s cool music, chill vibes, and a dope party bus to sip drinks on while you wait, Southwest Diner really does have it all.

So if you are like me, and have been dissuaded by the perception of a long wait thus far, don’t worry, it’s really not so bad. Plus you can hang out and grab a drink or some coffee from Brandon on the bus while you wait, it’s a win/win!

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Enjoy the weekend all!

– Christine

 

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How was your weekend?

Were you highly emotional and perhaps even overly aggressive towards people?

Did you get any gut feelings this weekend that it was time to make a big change in life?

Time to take a stand??

Time to do that thing that you know you should be doing but that you have been making mental excuses as to why you can’t actually do them???

If you can relate to any of the above, you are not alone. This weekend we had a full moon that was the most powerful full moon we will experience this year. It brought forth feelings and emotions that may have caused us to act out, think really hard, or even become super crazy.

Myself? I went through a gambit of emotions and thoughts over the past few days.

Friday morning, after thinking about some of my fears, I decided to research the Fear of Abandonment, as that was one I hadn’t really looked at directly yet. What I found was an article describing seven things that a person with a fear of abandonment will do in a relationship that can push their partner away. Reading that list, I felt as though I was reading a play by play of my last relationship and how I systematically self imploded the whole thing. I mean, I have known that I self destructed in that relationship, that was very clear. But seeing my behavior pin pointed so directly to classic symptoms of the fear of abandonment… just made me so upset. So upset in fact, that I was overwhelmed with extreme emotion the rest of the day. I even had to close my office door at work because I couldn’t stop bawling my eyes out. I think I was mostly upset because it was very clear to me just how hard my ego is willing to go in order to block me from having love in my life. I saw myself in a new light where I was finally able to recognize that the reason I can’t find love is because the more someone tries to love me, the harder my ego will try to push them away and hurt them. For perhaps the first time ever, I saw just how deeply hurt and broken I truly am… and it devastated me.

I did not wallow in this pain though. I cried it out as I also kept telling myself that it’s okay, now I know, and now that I know I can begin to work on that side of myself more. Then I cried some more, because I know I’m at the beginning of a very long road, and well, I’m impatient and the thought of having to take another 2-3 years before I can be capable of truly loving someone is just highly upsetting to me. The psychic I went to see in February did say I would have four more years of being single though, which at the time I thought that sounded a bit dramatic… however, now I get it.

So after a roller coaster of emotions all day Friday I did what I always do when I need some cheering up. I went to a comedy show. I got some much needed laughter in my life, and Friday night I went to bed feeling relatively okay.

Saturday I woke up feeling pretty good. I went to meet up with some friends for brunch, and as I was waiting for them, my mind started focusing on another problem area in my life: my drinking. My problem with drinking is that I lose all ability to maintain self-control when I am drinking. The more I thought about that, I thought about how I also recently became more aware that I have major control issues in my life. Suddenly I realized that I have been using drinking as an excuse to give up control in life, because I am so controlling normally that I don’t know how else to let go. As it goes with situations in life though, because I have refused to acknowledge this problem it has manifested as a bigger and bigger problem in my life, to the point to where now if I even take one sip of alcohol, I automatically give myself permission to go balls to the wall out of control and make extremely unhealthy choices for my life.¬†So as I was sitting and assessing this whole situation, I realized that my real problem is with control in my life, and that’s where I need to start focusing some energy to figure myself out. Another great self realization, however, also another problem I can foresee taking years for me to truly figure out…. yaaayyyyyy.

Then last night I had an interesting dream. In this dream I was decorating and setting up a new home, when suddenly a murderer was breaking in and chasing me and my friends through the neighborhood. At one point, he got me pretty good with a stab wound to my side, which was actually pretty painful. However, the pain didn’t keep me down for long, and towards the end of the dream, I had taken to hunting the murderer myself. I actually tracked down his secret lair, and was in the process of trying to figure out his next move so that I could capture him myself, when I woke up. After I woke up, I googled what it means if you are being chased by a murderer in your dreams. What I found is that the theme of being chased by someone in a dream typically represents some aspect or fear within yourself that you are perhaps running from. Given that interpretation, I found a sliver of hope within my murderous dream. Yes, I have a significant fear of abandonment, and severe control issues… they are the painful stab wound to my side. However, I have now found them out, I recognize them, I have found their secret lair and I can now plot my best plan of attack to finally defeat them! I don’t think it was coincidence that I woke up in the fact finding stage either. That is where I am at in life. I am now aware of my issues, and so it is time that I work to gather the facts and make a plan on how I defeat them going forward. There is hope, and it might take some time, but I feel more confident about my path forward than ever before.

This full moon was indeed a powerful one.

I am so grateful that we live in a Universe full of energetic tides preparing us and pushing us towards our best selves at all times. The Universe wants us to succeed. It is constantly presenting us with opportunities and chances to learn and be better.  However, it is up to notice those opportunities and seize them. This is why I am so into astrology, because it gives us some clues as to what type of energy is swirling about in the Universe at any given moment, and also how we can best apply that energy to our own energetic makeup in order to further our own growth and understanding. It is a truly amazing and powerful tool.

If you are interested in any kind of information about astrology and how you can start using this powerful tool in your life, reach out and let me know. I would love to speak with you and see how I can help.

Thanks for reading everyone, HAPPY MONDAY!!

– Christine

I say a lot of things, particularly in regards to my dating life and what I would and would not accept in a man, however, I thought it might be time to set the record straight.

There is one thing that a man must have in order for me to fall for him, and that is the ability to make me laugh. If you can take anything I say to you and turn it back to me with a witty remark and an indignant look that elicits a laugh out of me, I probably already have a crush on you.

In addition to laughter, I also need a man with intelligence. The kind that can back me up with sound logic when my reasoning of “because it’s Gemini season” doesn’t satisfy whomever I may be explaining life to at any given moment, lol. I deal in the realm of the ether… because of that I appreciate men who are in the know on a lot of things and are there to back me up with knowledge, whether they understand my crazy logic or not.

Which brings me to another important quality: patience. I need a man that understands the importance of patience in getting to know someone and start a relationship. Someone that is willing to take their time and develop a friendship first and see where that goes. It takes a long time for me to open up to someone and for them to really know who I truly am. I have a lot of scars that I like to pretend aren’t there, and so only when I know someone truly isn’t going somewhere do I begin to open about these things. 

Lastly, I want a man that can talk to me, tell me what he is feeling, and be open enough to listen to me talk about my feelings and figure out what I’m feeling as I say it. I work things out as I speak, so I can’t have someone that takes everything I say literally. I need a man who will help me work out my thoughts, question me as I talk, and make me think about what it is that I am really trying to say.

These are the things that I want. Nothing else really matters. You would think the combo of all of these things wouldn’t be so hard to find, but it has been. I guess because I’m not always looking either. I have faith the universe will put the right man in my path when I am ready and life will make it all happen.

So cheers to the Universe for making it happen.

Happy Monday!

– Christine

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I have a confession, (I’m so naturally secretive that as I’ve learned to embrace my truth I’ve grown to love confessions if you haven’t picked up on this already)… I ended my sobriety streak back in May.

I had gotten to a point where I honestly really felt like drinking and I was just getting very angry at the notion that I “couldn’t drink”. Its the Aquarius in me, tell me I can’t do something and that’s all I want to do.

So after 4 months of sobriety, I entertained a few nights of drinking.

First and foremost I was a bit shocked that my tolerance had not changed one bit. I’m sure that is a testament to just how hardcore of a drinker I was before I stopped, but it also made me see that it would take much longer than 4 months for my body to really ever detox from my many years of heavy drinking.

Secondly, I was immediately reminded of why I stopped drinking to begin with, which is because it isn’t actually fun to me. It’s weird, but when I drink it’s as though I am handing over the keys to my life to this girl that doesn’t really have any plans or direction. She does whatever she wants, and has no care for what the next day, or even hour, may bring. She is out to have “fun” in this moment and that is all that matters.

Except for the fact that that isn’t all that matters to me in life any more, so now when I hand the keys over to that girl I pretty much just get annoyed by her and her immature ideology on life and what is “fun”.

Thirdly, I have come to an understanding of how to drink in moderation. For me, I cannot drink vodka in moderation. I just can’t. I used to only drink vodka and water, and what I have realized is that combination is the reason that I would drink and drink, and never really feel drunk until I was so drunk that I was either getting sick or blacking out. The water was hydrating me just enough to keep me from mentally feeling drunk, but it wasn’t really helping my physical body to not feel the effects, so eventually my physical body would be so saturated it would just make me sick.

So for me, I believe that I can drink in moderation, and my success with that has come from drinking wine. Wine is made to be drank slowly, so this makes sense.

… I think my struggle with drinking really comes down to the fact that my life is changing. I am not the girl that I once was, and I no longer truly enjoy the things that I once did. That change… is a bit scary. Partying, drinking, being over the top and out of control… is familiar “fun” to me.

FOCUSING on what I really want, working hard, and being persistent … is all a bit foreign to me. However, I know the long term joy that comes from within the latter is the only kind of fun I really want in my life now.

So, I think, the past few months have been me just dipping a toe into the sobriety pool to see how the water feels. But now, I’ve gotten to a point where it’s time to really dive in and embrace all of the changes that this new life requires. Which means making some of the big changes that I have put off making.

More to come on those…

Thanks for reading everyone, have a good one!

– Christine

 

 

 

 

I have been bombarded with fear lately. Fears of success, fears of intimacy, fears of being loved, fear of love, fears of abandonment, fears of rejection… all of these mental road block fears. I’m not sure if it’s because I am more aware of them, or if it is just the energy of the universe pushing them to the top of my psyche, but this fear has even manifested in my physical world, causing me to be so scared in certain moments in life recently. My hands shaking, my heart racing, fear gripping my every move.

I’ve never been so overcome with so much blatant fear.

Or have I?

Sure, these fears are amplified right now, but they were always there. Always hiding out in my subconscious. Quietly telling my mind what I cannot do, and overtly sabotaging my own self.

Fear has one purpose. To restrict. To keep us locked away from our highest potential. To trick our minds into believing that anything is out of reach.

Nothing is out of reach. We are each the infinite source of love and light and we have the power to create anything we wish to create in this life. We control our destiny.

Fear is a real construct within the mind though. It does require knowledge, patience, and understanding in order to be fought.

Mostly, it requires recognition of fear itself. We must recognize when our decisions are being shaped in fear, and openly work towards working our way through that fear.

We have to face the uncomfortableness of the world beyond the limits of our fears. The world where anything is actually possible.

For me that is a fearful thing, because I am afraid of my highest and best self. I have a fear of success. My mind constantly interjects doubt, limits, and disbelief onto my ideas because of this.

So how do I over come this? How do any of us over come fear?

By choosing to believe that we can do anything. By recognizing the negative beliefs that come up in our mind.

BY TAKING ACTION. I think that is most important. Fear can be paralyzing, so above all we need to keep moving forward. Keep pushing toward our goals. Do not let fear paralyze you in the worry of how, and what, and just focus on the doing of what is in front of you right now.

Also by pushing ourselves outside of our comfort zones. Fear loves keeping us in our bubbles. So when a challenge arises, embrace it! Know that it will make you grow, and see the happy fulfillment that lies within the challenge instead of the fear.

These are the things I will be pushing myself on. I hope perhaps this helps some of you face your fears as well.

Go forth, AND BE FEARLESS!!!!!

fearless

– Christine

Arch drive bys,
everyday.
Bike down to the river,
Bike over to Forest Park,
Bike through Tower Grove,
Bike along the city streets,
admiring the brick houses,
and ornate designs as she goes.
Downtown,
Benton Park Proper,
Benton Park West,
U City,
Clifton Heights,
Creve Coeur,
Kirkwood,
North County,
South County,
not quite West County,
definitely never St. Charles.
These are the places shes lived,
loved, and always cherished to call home.
From Cherokee to Adelaide,
this city embodied the essence of her soul.
Laid back, yet busy,
Old in spirit, with a quiet revival sweeping through.
She couldn’t imagine life anywhere else,
she was just so proud to be So St. Lou.

stlarch