StLSass

Archive for June 2017

I say a lot of things, particularly in regards to my dating life and what I would and would not accept in a man, however, I thought it might be time to set the record straight.

There is one thing that a man must have in order for me to fall for him, and that is the ability to make me laugh. If you can take anything I say to you and turn it back to me with a witty remark and an indignant look that elicits a laugh out of me, I probably already have a crush on you.

In addition to laughter, I also need a man with intelligence. The kind that can back me up with sound logic when my reasoning of “because it’s Gemini season” doesn’t satisfy whomever I may be explaining life to at any given moment, lol. I deal in the realm of the ether… because of that I appreciate men who are in the know on a lot of things and are there to back me up with knowledge, whether they understand my crazy logic or not.

Which brings me to another important quality: patience. I need a man that understands the importance of patience in getting to know someone and start a relationship. Someone that is willing to take their time and develop a friendship first and see where that goes. It takes a long time for me to open up to someone and for them to really know who I truly am. I have a lot of scars that I like to pretend aren’t there, and so only when I know someone truly isn’t going somewhere do I begin to open about these things. 

Lastly, I want a man that can talk to me, tell me what he is feeling, and be open enough to listen to me talk about my feelings and figure out what I’m feeling as I say it. I work things out as I speak, so I can’t have someone that takes everything I say literally. I need a man who will help me work out my thoughts, question me as I talk, and make me think about what it is that I am really trying to say.

These are the things that I want. Nothing else really matters. You would think the combo of all of these things wouldn’t be so hard to find, but it has been. I guess because I’m not always looking either. I have faith the universe will put the right man in my path when I am ready and life will make it all happen.

So cheers to the Universe for making it happen.

Happy Monday!

– Christine

Screen-Shot-2014-09-07-at-1.11.31-AM

 

 

 

 

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I have a confession, (I’m so naturally secretive that as I’ve learned to embrace my truth I’ve grown to love confessions if you haven’t picked up on this already)… I ended my sobriety streak back in May.

I had gotten to a point where I honestly really felt like drinking and I was just getting very angry at the notion that I “couldn’t drink”. Its the Aquarius in me, tell me I can’t do something and that’s all I want to do.

So after 4 months of sobriety, I entertained a few nights of drinking.

First and foremost I was a bit shocked that my tolerance had not changed one bit. I’m sure that is a testament to just how hardcore of a drinker I was before I stopped, but it also made me see that it would take much longer than 4 months for my body to really ever detox from my many years of heavy drinking.

Secondly, I was immediately reminded of why I stopped drinking to begin with, which is because it isn’t actually fun to me. It’s weird, but when I drink it’s as though I am handing over the keys to my life to this girl that doesn’t really have any plans or direction. She does whatever she wants, and has no care for what the next day, or even hour, may bring. She is out to have “fun” in this moment and that is all that matters.

Except for the fact that that isn’t all that matters to me in life any more, so now when I hand the keys over to that girl I pretty much just get annoyed by her and her immature ideology on life and what is “fun”.

Thirdly, I have come to an understanding of how to drink in moderation. For me, I cannot drink vodka in moderation. I just can’t. I used to only drink vodka and water, and what I have realized is that combination is the reason that I would drink and drink, and never really feel drunk until I was so drunk that I was either getting sick or blacking out. The water was hydrating me just enough to keep me from mentally feeling drunk, but it wasn’t really helping my physical body to not feel the effects, so eventually my physical body would be so saturated it would just make me sick.

So for me, I believe that I can drink in moderation, and my success with that has come from drinking wine. Wine is made to be drank slowly, so this makes sense.

… I think my struggle with drinking really comes down to the fact that my life is changing. I am not the girl that I once was, and I no longer truly enjoy the things that I once did. That change… is a bit scary. Partying, drinking, being over the top and out of control… is familiar “fun” to me.

FOCUSING on what I really want, working hard, and being persistent … is all a bit foreign to me. However, I know the long term joy that comes from within the latter is the only kind of fun I really want in my life now.

So, I think, the past few months have been me just dipping a toe into the sobriety pool to see how the water feels. But now, I’ve gotten to a point where it’s time to really dive in and embrace all of the changes that this new life requires. Which means making some of the big changes that I have put off making.

More to come on those…

Thanks for reading everyone, have a good one!

– Christine

 

 

 

 

I have been bombarded with fear lately. Fears of success, fears of intimacy, fears of being loved, fear of love, fears of abandonment, fears of rejection… all of these mental road block fears. I’m not sure if it’s because I am more aware of them, or if it is just the energy of the universe pushing them to the top of my psyche, but this fear has even manifested in my physical world, causing me to be so scared in certain moments in life recently. My hands shaking, my heart racing, fear gripping my every move.

I’ve never been so overcome with so much blatant fear.

Or have I?

Sure, these fears are amplified right now, but they were always there. Always hiding out in my subconscious. Quietly telling my mind what I cannot do, and overtly sabotaging my own self.

Fear has one purpose. To restrict. To keep us locked away from our highest potential. To trick our minds into believing that anything is out of reach.

Nothing is out of reach. We are each the infinite source of love and light and we have the power to create anything we wish to create in this life. We control our destiny.

Fear is a real construct within the mind though. It does require knowledge, patience, and understanding in order to be fought.

Mostly, it requires recognition of fear itself. We must recognize when our decisions are being shaped in fear, and openly work towards working our way through that fear.

We have to face the uncomfortableness of the world beyond the limits of our fears. The world where anything is actually possible.

For me that is a fearful thing, because I am afraid of my highest and best self. I have a fear of success. My mind constantly interjects doubt, limits, and disbelief onto my ideas because of this.

So how do I over come this? How do any of us over come fear?

By choosing to believe that we can do anything. By recognizing the negative beliefs that come up in our mind.

BY TAKING ACTION. I think that is most important. Fear can be paralyzing, so above all we need to keep moving forward. Keep pushing toward our goals. Do not let fear paralyze you in the worry of how, and what, and just focus on the doing of what is in front of you right now.

Also by pushing ourselves outside of our comfort zones. Fear loves keeping us in our bubbles. So when a challenge arises, embrace it! Know that it will make you grow, and see the happy fulfillment that lies within the challenge instead of the fear.

These are the things I will be pushing myself on. I hope perhaps this helps some of you face your fears as well.

Go forth, AND BE FEARLESS!!!!!

fearless

– Christine

Arch drive bys,
everyday.
Bike down to the river,
Bike over to Forest Park,
Bike through Tower Grove,
Bike along the city streets,
admiring the brick houses,
and ornate designs as she goes.
Downtown,
Benton Park Proper,
Benton Park West,
U City,
Clifton Heights,
Creve Coeur,
Kirkwood,
North County,
South County,
not quite West County,
definitely never St. Charles.
These are the places shes lived,
loved, and always cherished to call home.
From Cherokee to Adelaide,
this city embodied the essence of her soul.
Laid back, yet busy,
Old in spirit, with a quiet revival sweeping through.
She couldn’t imagine life anywhere else,
she was just so proud to be So St. Lou.

stlarch

It took less than a week on Christian Mingle for me to be reminded of why I get so easily frustrated with “Christians”. Let me be clear, I believe in Jesus, I believe in God, I believe in the Holy Spirit, and I also believe in astrology, numerology, Kabbalah, and really anything else that has the potential to bring me to a higher understanding of life. I believe that there is universal truth and wisdom to be found in all religions, and that it is only through our ability as people to set aside our perceived differences, approach one another with respect, and to truly listen with open minds that we will be able to achieve a true understanding of the unknown and see peace and harmony in our world.

Certain Christians, however, would rather focus on how JESUS IS THE ONLY WAY THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE, AND IF YOU BELIEVE ANYTHING ELSE YOU WILL BE SENT TO HELL TO ROT FOR ALL OF ETERNITY! I do not believe that all Christians are so condemning in their beliefs, but having been raised by in a devout Christian family, who do hold this theory to be so finitely true, this is the group of Christians I will be referring to throughout the rest of this post.

My main problem with this type of belief is it’s straight forward hypocrisy that is completely lost on its believers. Theses Christians talk about how loving and wonderful, and forgiving God is, but then in the same breath will condemn the gays, Muslims, and Jews, because the Bible says to. For these Christians, their religion has become an excuse for them to persecute and condemn others who don’t fit in with their accepted beliefs. You cannot say you are all about love and unity and yet harbor fear and hate in your heart for those who do not believe in the same things as you.

Interestingly enough, in my introductory study of Kabbalah I learned that this self righteous attitude of Christians is actually part of their destiny. For without this attitude, they would never have been so adamant and strong willed in spreading the word of God, and Jesus’ message of saving grace. This pushy, strong willed, holier than thou attitude WAS necessary in our history in order to spread God’s love and light as much as it has. HOWEVER, the ultimate downfall of the Christians, which we are now seeing, is that eventually that self-righteous behavior turns them into a machine that then starts violating others freedoms and liberties in the name of Christ. Which is what is happening today, and which is not okay.

Self-Righteous, arrogant, hard headed, and fear mongering Christians are now crossing into the territory where they themselves need saving. They need to be reeled in, and to understand that opposing views are not the enemy but rather are the key to higher understanding and enlightenment. We cannot grow, evolve, and move towards unity on earth until everyone understands this. Our opponents are in our lives in order to challenge us and help us seek the light in situations that may appear wholly dark. Like a light bulb, you must have friction, you must have resistance, in order to create light. You must be challenged by another in order to open your mind, meet in the middle, and achieve the higher understanding that exists when you bring out the truth in both of your points of view.

So to the man on Christian Mingle who read my profile which states that I love God, I believe that Jesus died for our sins to save us, AND that I believe in the higher enlightenment of Kabbalah, astrology, and any thing else that will challenge my mind, and who took that as an opportunity to condemn me and let me know that my beliefs will earn me a “guilty” sentence in the after life which leads me straight to hell…. to you sir, I send you nothing but light and love. I pray that your heart be opened and that you may see how your narrow minded views are that of a world which is coming to an end. For I know that God is love, and when I open my heart to contain nothing but love and light for all, that is where I find the most peace, joy, and understanding in life.

I will not shame you. I will not condemn you. Those are fear tactics, and I only have room for love in my life. Even in my opposing view of these radicalized Christians, I do not think them to be bad people. Rather I see them as people who are in need. They are in need of someone to come into their life with whom they can tolerate a spark of resistance from, someone who can show them the higher power that lies within challenging their stead fast beliefs, because if we are not continuously learning and growing, we are not seeking the light; and if we are not seeking the light, then we are only serving our own self righteous agendas.

These Christians, in my opinion, have stopped seeking the light. They have stopped seeking a higher understanding as they have become all too reliant upon the highly misinterpreted and misconstrued messages of the Bible. As I said, in Kabbalah, it is outlined how this was an inevitable position for followers of the Bible to end up at. In Kabbalah, there is a text called The Zohar, and what the Zohar teaches is that there are in depth and enlightened lessons that can be interpreted from stories of the Bible. The Zohar actually says anyone who interprets the Bible literally is very dangerous, as this was never meant to be the case. In my studies, I have to concur that the deranged messaging in some of the Bible’s lessons are in fact extremely dangerous when interpreted literally. The Zohar, however, interprets the lessons of the Bible and applies them to our ego, our mind, and our journey towards enlightenment. It provides a path that above all has brought me greater understanding of myself, and has also opened my heart. To say this is evil or blasphemy is pretty much laughable to me, because it has brought more light into my life than Christianity ever has.

Personally, I am a seeker of truth above all. I believe what I believe because I FEEL it to be true, and I then seek out information that will help to corroborate my feelings. So for me, when any person uses their religion as a self righteous shield to condemn all others with opposing views, I see a person who clearly has lost sight of the light that is within us all.

Love. Unity. Oneness. These things can only be achieved when we look at our opponents and chose to see the light within them rather than to condemn them for their darkness. The world IS shifting towards this mindset, towards this heart centered living. I guess I just find it ironic that the people responsible for originally bringing this message of salvation to the world, are now the same people who seemingly need to be saved from themselves. It’s ironic, but also a beautiful display of the divinity of our universe. There is a balance to it all, and no one is above anyone else.

Bottom line: We are all one. The sooner we can all realize this, the sooner we can all work together towards revealing the unique light within each of us, which will bring about an even greater truth and understanding of life than we currently have in our divided state, and that will ultimately bring about true harmony and peace on earth.

May you all remember to look for and focus on the light in all that you do.

God bless,

– Christine

the light